I feel broken. That is the best way to describe it. After weeks of healing and feeling better and not really feeling terrible or emotionally unstable for the most part...I feel broken.
I don't know why.
Is it because I feel like I am seriously flubbing as a mom? Maybe.
Is it because, I wonder what it would be like for once to have a child who didn't take constant parenting? (And by constant, I mean, you always have to be watching and helping and making sure they don't somehow figure out how to burn the house down.) It's possible.
All I know, is I went to church yesterday, and Jeffrey behaved like he normally does. Some Sundays are better than others. Sometimes, we can get him to stay in the chapel for 20 minutes before he has a complete meltdown, a week ago he almost made it the whole meeting (which is so unusual I wondered if he was feeling well.) Yesterday I think he lasted about 5 minutes. Well, it only felt like five minutes. Usually he will at least last until the sacrament portion is done.
We usually sit in the middle. Another family usually sits on the other end of our pew. Jeffrey decided that going past the other family was the perfect way to get out. He was right. They even moved their legs to let him by. This of course all happened right during the sacrament when there was no way we could get him or chase him. Thankfully someone who sits farther back got him and took him out of the chapel. I am so grateful to them!
At first I was in shock that they just let him go by. Then the internal conversation in my head began. What did I expect? He's not their kid. I guess I figured there was some unwritten parent code. I know if I had the same thing happen to me, I wouldn't just let their kid go by me.
And apparently this just broke the dam inside me. The dam of feeling like I am the most ineffective mom ever. Feeling like I missed the class on How to be a Good Mom when I was in heaven. Wondering if I have it in me to parent and monitor and be effective to another child who has learning issues. (What are my alternatives really? It's not like I'm just going to give up on him!)
And then just wondering, what it would be like to have a child who just sits there obediently. At this stage in their life, I have no idea what that would be like.
I've been crying a lot.
Now I'm trying to figure out how to come back from it. How to not be broken anymore and have the strength I need. Only one person can give that to me. I know I need to turn this over to the Lord. I can't be successful otherwise.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday, November 17, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Another thing to think about....
I feel like all things medical have come to a head this year. Well, I guess this has just been the year for them to become a real thing to worry about. Of course, I tend to have medical things every year. Hmmm.... I was hoping this year would be different, but it's not heading out that way.
So, back when Hazel was a littlie, she didn't want to walk. In fact, she didn't show any desire or inclination until she was about 16 months old. I remember specifically talking to the pediatrician about it, but at that point in time they weren't too concerned about it.
Shortly after that conversation, she started walking. It was always somewhat of a struggle though. Then, unlike most little kids that go quickly from walking to running, she never really did. I remember watching her and wondering about it, but then just figured it might be something she would grow out of. Still, walking and running have always been something that have been hard for her.
Well, now she's 10. She still has an interesting gait to her walk, and her run is...unique to say the least. These in an of themselves aren't the concern, its HOW she walks, and HOW she runs. I can't describe it...but I'll try... imagine trying to run without using your hips. You stiffen your hip joint and use the rest of your leg. For those in dance, color guard, etc...it is described as a jazz run. That is what she does.
So, she has an appointment with the pediatrician to get a referral to a specialist, so we can see if there is something wrong, preventing her from using her entire leg the way she should, or it it's just the way she is.
Worst case scenario, it will be something she has to have surgery to fix...best case scenario, it will be nothing but the worry of an overattentive mother. :)
So, back when Hazel was a littlie, she didn't want to walk. In fact, she didn't show any desire or inclination until she was about 16 months old. I remember specifically talking to the pediatrician about it, but at that point in time they weren't too concerned about it.
Shortly after that conversation, she started walking. It was always somewhat of a struggle though. Then, unlike most little kids that go quickly from walking to running, she never really did. I remember watching her and wondering about it, but then just figured it might be something she would grow out of. Still, walking and running have always been something that have been hard for her.
Well, now she's 10. She still has an interesting gait to her walk, and her run is...unique to say the least. These in an of themselves aren't the concern, its HOW she walks, and HOW she runs. I can't describe it...but I'll try... imagine trying to run without using your hips. You stiffen your hip joint and use the rest of your leg. For those in dance, color guard, etc...it is described as a jazz run. That is what she does.
So, she has an appointment with the pediatrician to get a referral to a specialist, so we can see if there is something wrong, preventing her from using her entire leg the way she should, or it it's just the way she is.
Worst case scenario, it will be something she has to have surgery to fix...best case scenario, it will be nothing but the worry of an overattentive mother. :)
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
A Child's Perspective
I often wonder what my kids will think about their childhoods when they are adults. Will they remember being happy and having fun times? Will it be filled with sadness and anger or frustration?
Lately, I've been wondering if they will have wished we had taken them to Disneyland.
I remember a few years back, feeling really bummed that we didn't have the money to take our kids to Disneyland. I had gone a few times when I was growing up, and a part of me wanted that for my kids too. After talking to my sister-in-law though, I didn't feel so bad. She told me, not every family has to be a family that goes to Disneyland. Make memories without it.
So I have.
A lot of our focus has been having fun, but not breaking the bank to do it. After talking to my kids I like to think we are succeeding on a certain level.
I always try to remember that what my kids think and remember, won't be what I remember. I asked them recently what their all time favorite thing we did as a family was. Harrison told me that he loves that we spend time together as a family, all the time, and that we do lots of things together. Hazel told me, she loved it when we watched Back to the Future together. I think we also bought dinner that night from McDonald's and ate it while we watched the movie. That's it!
Remembering a trip we took with Harrison and Hazel about 4 years ago, it didn't surprise me. We went to Salt Lake City, which isn't that far away from us. We bought city passes and went to all the museums and stayed in a fairly inexpensive hotel with an amazing breakfast buffet. I remembered then, asking my kids what they're favorite part was... swimming in the pool at the hotel and eating at Outback Steakhouse.
I began to realize that, honestly, kids don't really care where we take them, as long as they have fun, and feel loved. They just want to spend time together as a family.
Lately, I've been wondering if they will have wished we had taken them to Disneyland.
I remember a few years back, feeling really bummed that we didn't have the money to take our kids to Disneyland. I had gone a few times when I was growing up, and a part of me wanted that for my kids too. After talking to my sister-in-law though, I didn't feel so bad. She told me, not every family has to be a family that goes to Disneyland. Make memories without it.
So I have.
A lot of our focus has been having fun, but not breaking the bank to do it. After talking to my kids I like to think we are succeeding on a certain level.
I always try to remember that what my kids think and remember, won't be what I remember. I asked them recently what their all time favorite thing we did as a family was. Harrison told me that he loves that we spend time together as a family, all the time, and that we do lots of things together. Hazel told me, she loved it when we watched Back to the Future together. I think we also bought dinner that night from McDonald's and ate it while we watched the movie. That's it!
Remembering a trip we took with Harrison and Hazel about 4 years ago, it didn't surprise me. We went to Salt Lake City, which isn't that far away from us. We bought city passes and went to all the museums and stayed in a fairly inexpensive hotel with an amazing breakfast buffet. I remembered then, asking my kids what they're favorite part was... swimming in the pool at the hotel and eating at Outback Steakhouse.
I began to realize that, honestly, kids don't really care where we take them, as long as they have fun, and feel loved. They just want to spend time together as a family.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
My happy boy is back...mostly...
So, while I am going to include more spiritual things, I still think it's good to have other things written about too.
I was reading some entries that I had written throughout the past year, and came across some where I had written about Jeffrey and the struggle that we had after Emmett was born. I still think he seriously felt abandoned. I feel bad about that sometimes, but I also know that at that point in time there was nothing else we could do but let my mother in law and sister in law take care of him, and what a blessing it was that they could.
Anyway, after he came back home, he struggled. I could tell that it wasn't the baby. He was feeling some pretty confusing emotions toward Shane and I that he couldn't and didn't know how to deal with, so he dealt with them the way that little kids do. He cried. He also wouldn't come to me. I just had to get used to the fact that he wasn't going to come to me or let me hold him for who knew how long.
Well, fast forward to a month or so ago. I was holding Emmett in the recliner, and there was Jeffrey. He wanted to sit by me too. I was seriously in shock! Of course I made room for him! As time has progressed, he wants to spend more time with me. A couple of times last week he wanted only me to hold him and snuggle with him, even though Shane was right there in the room.
This was pretty refreshing to me, never mind amazing. I had just stopped even thinking about what it used to be like, and just accepted the way things were. I told Shane that I felt like Jeffrey had finally forgiven me for all he had to go through right before Emmett was born. I know how weird that sounds, but I really feel like it's true.
He is still curious, still gets into everything, still has a hard time listening when we tell him not to do something...like all toddlers... but this, wanting us to hold him, cuddle with him, share our time with him, this is just amazing, and I am so happy about it!
I was reading some entries that I had written throughout the past year, and came across some where I had written about Jeffrey and the struggle that we had after Emmett was born. I still think he seriously felt abandoned. I feel bad about that sometimes, but I also know that at that point in time there was nothing else we could do but let my mother in law and sister in law take care of him, and what a blessing it was that they could.
Anyway, after he came back home, he struggled. I could tell that it wasn't the baby. He was feeling some pretty confusing emotions toward Shane and I that he couldn't and didn't know how to deal with, so he dealt with them the way that little kids do. He cried. He also wouldn't come to me. I just had to get used to the fact that he wasn't going to come to me or let me hold him for who knew how long.
Well, fast forward to a month or so ago. I was holding Emmett in the recliner, and there was Jeffrey. He wanted to sit by me too. I was seriously in shock! Of course I made room for him! As time has progressed, he wants to spend more time with me. A couple of times last week he wanted only me to hold him and snuggle with him, even though Shane was right there in the room.
This was pretty refreshing to me, never mind amazing. I had just stopped even thinking about what it used to be like, and just accepted the way things were. I told Shane that I felt like Jeffrey had finally forgiven me for all he had to go through right before Emmett was born. I know how weird that sounds, but I really feel like it's true.
He is still curious, still gets into everything, still has a hard time listening when we tell him not to do something...like all toddlers... but this, wanting us to hold him, cuddle with him, share our time with him, this is just amazing, and I am so happy about it!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Contemplation
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately...
The direction I want my blog to take
The direction I want my family to take
How to keep my house cleaner
How to parent better
How to be happier
I have a friend who has been sharing her spiritual journey and how it coincides with parenting. I have enjoyed it immensely. It has given me a lot of food for thought and inspiration on how to change my own life for the better.
I've been thinking of all kinds of different things I could write about, in a positive way. Thinking positive makes me a happier person, and then, when I add a spiritual message with it, it even gets that much more amplified. My greatest ideas have been coming about 3am, which is when I usually get Emmett to go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. :) I think, "hey, I should go type that up!" and then the thought of how crazy that is at 3am and how I need sleep! So I put it off and then forget what I was going to write about in the morning.
Still, that is what I have been thinking about.
So, today I have been working on job charts. Just general sheets that outline what jobs need to be done when and to what extent. My hope it that if I become more organized, my kids will know what to expect and it will be easier for us to keep our house cleaner.
By applying the scriptures to my life I know I will be able to stay calmer, be more spiritual, and be a better parent than I have been.
The direction I want my blog to take
The direction I want my family to take
How to keep my house cleaner
How to parent better
How to be happier
I have a friend who has been sharing her spiritual journey and how it coincides with parenting. I have enjoyed it immensely. It has given me a lot of food for thought and inspiration on how to change my own life for the better.
I've been thinking of all kinds of different things I could write about, in a positive way. Thinking positive makes me a happier person, and then, when I add a spiritual message with it, it even gets that much more amplified. My greatest ideas have been coming about 3am, which is when I usually get Emmett to go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. :) I think, "hey, I should go type that up!" and then the thought of how crazy that is at 3am and how I need sleep! So I put it off and then forget what I was going to write about in the morning.
Still, that is what I have been thinking about.
So, today I have been working on job charts. Just general sheets that outline what jobs need to be done when and to what extent. My hope it that if I become more organized, my kids will know what to expect and it will be easier for us to keep our house cleaner.
By applying the scriptures to my life I know I will be able to stay calmer, be more spiritual, and be a better parent than I have been.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Sleep is a wonderful thing
So, Emmett is doing much better at night now. He has slept through the night twice. Not in a row, but I think he is getting the hang of it! He likes sleeping in his crib. He definitely gets a better quality sleep than he used to.
He has always been a pretty happy and mellow baby, but now, he is even happier! He takes a bottle really well. Sometimes he likes to be fed, and sometimes he just likes to fall asleep in his bed.
A couple of nights he was also cutting one of his front teeth. So, I think that definitely affected his sleeping. The night before last he woke up twice. Still, all in all, he is doing so good!
It took me a few days to get used to not waking up so frequently, but things are getting back to normal for me too, which is nice.
Jeffrey...well, Jeffrey occasionally sleeps in his toddler bed. He things sleeping in his older brother's bed is even better. So, we'll see how that all pans out.
He has always been a pretty happy and mellow baby, but now, he is even happier! He takes a bottle really well. Sometimes he likes to be fed, and sometimes he just likes to fall asleep in his bed.
A couple of nights he was also cutting one of his front teeth. So, I think that definitely affected his sleeping. The night before last he woke up twice. Still, all in all, he is doing so good!
It took me a few days to get used to not waking up so frequently, but things are getting back to normal for me too, which is nice.
Jeffrey...well, Jeffrey occasionally sleeps in his toddler bed. He things sleeping in his older brother's bed is even better. So, we'll see how that all pans out.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Not So Silent Sleepless Night
Last night was spent trying to get Emmett used to the idea that he wouldn't be able to nurse anymore. My mom had successfully gotten him to take a bottle, so that was extremely helpful. Still, he wasn't happy that I wasn't cooperating anymore.
Still, it's coming. He's sleeping a little better in his crib, although by 3:30 I just held him in the recliner and slept. He woke up again at 5:30. Before that he'd woken up at 12:00 and 1:30.
On the plus side he went from 12:00 until 5:30 before he was hungry. So there is some progress there.
Jeffrey stayed in his room due largely in part to help from Harrison.
I guess I should add two more goals. Get Emmett to sleep through the night, and get Jeffrey to sleep in his toddler bed!
Still, it's coming. He's sleeping a little better in his crib, although by 3:30 I just held him in the recliner and slept. He woke up again at 5:30. Before that he'd woken up at 12:00 and 1:30.
On the plus side he went from 12:00 until 5:30 before he was hungry. So there is some progress there.
Jeffrey stayed in his room due largely in part to help from Harrison.
I guess I should add two more goals. Get Emmett to sleep through the night, and get Jeffrey to sleep in his toddler bed!
Monday, January 6, 2014
Changes II
Well, it has been a few days since Friday...and...wow. After Emmett realized that he wasn't going to be sleeping anymore with me, he started waking up every hour. EVERY HOUR. I looked. It helped me realize a few things... one, he was used to sleeping with me, and two, it was a habit. Not a horrible thing, but seriously.
Jeffrey, successfully slept in his new bed one night. ONE. The next two nights he decided it was more fun to play and turn on all the lights and make messes while everyone else was sleeping. Since I was awake anyway...last night I put him back in his crib since Emmett wasn't using it. I had lost my resolve on that one. That and I was the only adult at home so it was hard to be strong emotionally. Plus it was almost one in the morning.
So, Jeffrey finally fell asleep in the crib, and Emmett still woke up EVERY HOUR even though he was sleeping with me.
A few weeks ago my mom had told me she would help care for Emmett when I was ready to start weaning him. Well...after this weekend, I was ready! So, she is watching him today and tonight and bringing him back tomorrow. I don't know how much change that will cause, but it's a start I suppose.
Now to figure out how to keep Jeffrey in his bed without keeping Harrison up all night. ;)
Jeffrey, successfully slept in his new bed one night. ONE. The next two nights he decided it was more fun to play and turn on all the lights and make messes while everyone else was sleeping. Since I was awake anyway...last night I put him back in his crib since Emmett wasn't using it. I had lost my resolve on that one. That and I was the only adult at home so it was hard to be strong emotionally. Plus it was almost one in the morning.
So, Jeffrey finally fell asleep in the crib, and Emmett still woke up EVERY HOUR even though he was sleeping with me.
A few weeks ago my mom had told me she would help care for Emmett when I was ready to start weaning him. Well...after this weekend, I was ready! So, she is watching him today and tonight and bringing him back tomorrow. I don't know how much change that will cause, but it's a start I suppose.
Now to figure out how to keep Jeffrey in his bed without keeping Harrison up all night. ;)
Friday, January 3, 2014
Changes
Tonight is going to be an interesting night. It will be good though...and hopefully not long and restless...we shall see!
Now that I have you thoroughly confused, I will explain.
So, way back before Emmett was born we bought a 2nd crib. We had every intention of having it put together and ready for use before he was born. We ran into a snag though...WHERE would we put it? We couldn't figure it out, and then Emmett was born, Jeffrey was still sleeping in the office/nursery, Emmett was sleeping by me because I was nursing him, and it just got put on the backburner.
Well, as the year has progressed, it has become more and more apparent that we needed to figure something out.
Then as I took Emmett to more of his well-checks, it became apparent that things needed to change.
This last time, I had to take him in for a weight check because he wasn't gaining anything. Yes, he had been sick, but he had gained NOTHING over a three month period. Not good for a baby that was now nine months old!
We were encouraged to feed him more solid foods, supplement with formula that would help give him complete nutrition, and cut back on the times he was breastfed. He was also supposed to begin to sleep through the night.
Well, that was complicated when his bed was the pack n play in our room and he knew I was about three feet away from him and could hold him and he could eat. At nine months he was still waking up 2-3 times in the night, if not more.
So, when we went in for his weight check today, talked about it with the pediatrician, and he told me when I was ready, that I really needed to try and get Emmett sleeping through the night. Also, that he should really only be nursing three times a day now TOTAL.
On the plus side though, he had gained enough weight that the pediatrician was happy with his progress and told me to keep doing what we were doing.
So, I came home and told Shane it was time to put the other crib together as a toddler bed for Jeffrey (which had been part of the plan from the get go) put it in Harrison's room, and start putting Emmett to bed in the crib outside our room.
Things have been going pretty well. Jeffrey has only woken up once. He was so happy about his toddler bed, that initially, he put himself to bed at first tonight. After he woke up we gave him the option to sleep where he wanted, and again he picked the toddler bed in Harrison's room. Emmett slept for about an hour and woke up. I fed him again until he was asleep, put him back in the crib, and so far he is still sleeping.
Now I need to go to bed! Hopefully, this will be a good transition for Emmett, and he will start to sleep longer. We shall see!
Now that I have you thoroughly confused, I will explain.
So, way back before Emmett was born we bought a 2nd crib. We had every intention of having it put together and ready for use before he was born. We ran into a snag though...WHERE would we put it? We couldn't figure it out, and then Emmett was born, Jeffrey was still sleeping in the office/nursery, Emmett was sleeping by me because I was nursing him, and it just got put on the backburner.
Well, as the year has progressed, it has become more and more apparent that we needed to figure something out.
Then as I took Emmett to more of his well-checks, it became apparent that things needed to change.
This last time, I had to take him in for a weight check because he wasn't gaining anything. Yes, he had been sick, but he had gained NOTHING over a three month period. Not good for a baby that was now nine months old!
We were encouraged to feed him more solid foods, supplement with formula that would help give him complete nutrition, and cut back on the times he was breastfed. He was also supposed to begin to sleep through the night.
Well, that was complicated when his bed was the pack n play in our room and he knew I was about three feet away from him and could hold him and he could eat. At nine months he was still waking up 2-3 times in the night, if not more.
So, when we went in for his weight check today, talked about it with the pediatrician, and he told me when I was ready, that I really needed to try and get Emmett sleeping through the night. Also, that he should really only be nursing three times a day now TOTAL.
On the plus side though, he had gained enough weight that the pediatrician was happy with his progress and told me to keep doing what we were doing.
So, I came home and told Shane it was time to put the other crib together as a toddler bed for Jeffrey (which had been part of the plan from the get go) put it in Harrison's room, and start putting Emmett to bed in the crib outside our room.
Things have been going pretty well. Jeffrey has only woken up once. He was so happy about his toddler bed, that initially, he put himself to bed at first tonight. After he woke up we gave him the option to sleep where he wanted, and again he picked the toddler bed in Harrison's room. Emmett slept for about an hour and woke up. I fed him again until he was asleep, put him back in the crib, and so far he is still sleeping.
Now I need to go to bed! Hopefully, this will be a good transition for Emmett, and he will start to sleep longer. We shall see!
Friday, August 16, 2013
For Sale
Buying and selling a house is stressful. I think it's more stressful if you're selling and buying than vice verse. Here's why... in order to buy a house, we need to sell our house. If we sell our house we have to move, whether we have a place or not. If we were just buying a house, it wouldn't matter.
I really don't want to rent again. If our house got sold, we would probably have to rent something. So then I think, okay house, don't sell, because there's nowhere I want to move yet...that we can afford! At the same time, I want my house to sell, because it would be nice to have a bigger house...see the problem here?
It's been a rather stressful month/summer, which is probably why I haven't written on here very much.
So far everyone has survived. :)
School starts on Monday which I'm sure the kids are excited about. Having to worry about the house being immaculately clean, with kids... I can't imagine being like this every day. It's like herding cats. That and I feel bad for my kids, but at the same time, I think, if you just did it instead of complaining it would already be done!
Then I have to remind myself that Hazel is 9 and Harrison is 12. Harrison is really a good helper. Hazel....has her moments, but she is really good at watching Jeffrey...most of the time. I was out picking up sticks and bark that were on our lawn after a windstorm and Shane asked her to go out and help me, and she actually told him, No, I don't want to.
If she'd said it to me, I probably would have told her that I have to do lots of things that I don't want to. That's a part of life! She doesn't like it when I tell her things like that.
So, after reading all this, maybe it's understandable why I haven't written on here, because this is pretty much all we have done and all I have been doing. I guess I could get on here and go... today I cleaned my house, again...
Today it was beastly hot...again...and I think my window units are dying... or they need more cooling stuff and need to be recharged.
Last night I didn't sleep well...again...
Then I read that, and I think, you know, you need to be positive and grateful, because gratitude breeds happiness and contentment (it really does).
So, here's my gratitude for the morning.... I am grateful that I have kids, and that they are good kids.
I really don't want to rent again. If our house got sold, we would probably have to rent something. So then I think, okay house, don't sell, because there's nowhere I want to move yet...that we can afford! At the same time, I want my house to sell, because it would be nice to have a bigger house...see the problem here?
It's been a rather stressful month/summer, which is probably why I haven't written on here very much.
So far everyone has survived. :)
School starts on Monday which I'm sure the kids are excited about. Having to worry about the house being immaculately clean, with kids... I can't imagine being like this every day. It's like herding cats. That and I feel bad for my kids, but at the same time, I think, if you just did it instead of complaining it would already be done!
Then I have to remind myself that Hazel is 9 and Harrison is 12. Harrison is really a good helper. Hazel....has her moments, but she is really good at watching Jeffrey...most of the time. I was out picking up sticks and bark that were on our lawn after a windstorm and Shane asked her to go out and help me, and she actually told him, No, I don't want to.
If she'd said it to me, I probably would have told her that I have to do lots of things that I don't want to. That's a part of life! She doesn't like it when I tell her things like that.
So, after reading all this, maybe it's understandable why I haven't written on here, because this is pretty much all we have done and all I have been doing. I guess I could get on here and go... today I cleaned my house, again...
Today it was beastly hot...again...and I think my window units are dying... or they need more cooling stuff and need to be recharged.
Last night I didn't sleep well...again...
Then I read that, and I think, you know, you need to be positive and grateful, because gratitude breeds happiness and contentment (it really does).
So, here's my gratitude for the morning.... I am grateful that I have kids, and that they are good kids.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Sleepy
I feel like about 90% of the time I am just tired. This has especially been the case the past few weeks. Technically I should be taking a nap right now because Emmett is actually sleeping in the swing without me holding him, and Jeffrey is downstairs playing with Hazel... this probably means he is watching Curious George, but hey, I'll take it. :)
I often wonder how celebrities who are in their 40's can handle taking care of small children...and then I remember that the vast majority of them have nannies. I know that some of them don't, but most of them DO. There is no way they could do it otherwise! That or I am just a wimp!!
I am extremely grateful that my two older kids are very willing to help out. While I am extremely grateful for my two younger sons, I am beyond grateful, it is very exhausting and tiring to have two kids that close together in age. I actually had my friend who has twins tell me she thought it was more difficult to have two kids close in age then to have kids who are the same age, because the twins go through the same stages at the same time, and I have to deal with two hard ages at the same time... hmm, never thought of it like that!
Of course, I've also been told, when I made the comment that it was almost like having twins... "said by someone who has never had twins..."
So, here's what I say... being a parent is hard. Period. It is exhausting. Period. Instead of criticizing and judging over who has it hardest, let's just say that everyone has it hard at some point. Some people have talents in dealing with small children. I don't think I have that talent. They make me tired. :) I keep reminding myself that at some point they will be potty trained, and able to talk, and they won't whine and throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way.
The reward for me, really, is when Jeffrey smiles, because he has an amazing smile, or the day we put him in a little kid swing at the park and watched him grin and say "whee" over and over again. There is nothing like seeing a child exhibit pure joy, to help you remember why it is all worth it.
The other reward for me, is seeing my children's pictures on the wall. I know that sounds silly, but for the longest time there were only two, when I knew there should be more. Now there are four, and I just sit and look at them in awe sometimes, grateful for the miracles that I have been given.
I often wonder how celebrities who are in their 40's can handle taking care of small children...and then I remember that the vast majority of them have nannies. I know that some of them don't, but most of them DO. There is no way they could do it otherwise! That or I am just a wimp!!
I am extremely grateful that my two older kids are very willing to help out. While I am extremely grateful for my two younger sons, I am beyond grateful, it is very exhausting and tiring to have two kids that close together in age. I actually had my friend who has twins tell me she thought it was more difficult to have two kids close in age then to have kids who are the same age, because the twins go through the same stages at the same time, and I have to deal with two hard ages at the same time... hmm, never thought of it like that!
Of course, I've also been told, when I made the comment that it was almost like having twins... "said by someone who has never had twins..."
So, here's what I say... being a parent is hard. Period. It is exhausting. Period. Instead of criticizing and judging over who has it hardest, let's just say that everyone has it hard at some point. Some people have talents in dealing with small children. I don't think I have that talent. They make me tired. :) I keep reminding myself that at some point they will be potty trained, and able to talk, and they won't whine and throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way.
The reward for me, really, is when Jeffrey smiles, because he has an amazing smile, or the day we put him in a little kid swing at the park and watched him grin and say "whee" over and over again. There is nothing like seeing a child exhibit pure joy, to help you remember why it is all worth it.
The other reward for me, is seeing my children's pictures on the wall. I know that sounds silly, but for the longest time there were only two, when I knew there should be more. Now there are four, and I just sit and look at them in awe sometimes, grateful for the miracles that I have been given.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
New Phase
We have reached a new phase in our house. At least as parents anyway. When we only had two kids, there wasn't that much of a difference. A little bit, but not much, since Harrison and Hazel are about three years apart in age.
Well, now that we have two more kids in our house, I've noticed all the ways I parent, and how it has to change for each child. It would anyway, since they are all different and respond differently to things, but...
We have the way we have to deal with our tweenager (that's what I call him, since he's a "tween"), then we have our child, then we have the toddler, and then we have the infant.
The infant, for me, is easiest right now. He just wants to be held and loved, fed, and taken care of. He likes to smile and laugh and coo, and he's content most of the time to just watch you if you're busy. As long as he can see you, he's a pretty content little guy.
The next easiest, most of the time, is the child. She is nine, and likes to be helpful, most of the time. She thinks it's the best thing ever to help play with and take care of her toddler brother, and has no qualms about holding her infant brother either. She's going to be a good mom some day. Probably a better one than I am. :) She responds well to rewards. If she behaves a certain way, does certain chores, helps out, etc, a reward like a movie matinee, or treat at the store, is worth the work.
The tweenager, is a pretty good kid most of the time. He has his moments, and there are definitely days/weeks, where you can tell he's trying to figure out how to deal with the elevated levels of hormones in his body, but most of the time, he's pretty easy to deal with, all things considered. Of course, there is the question everything, which can get old an frustrating, and he likes to tell me when I'm wrong...even when I'm not wrong, and there are definitely times when I just wonder about things and how to do better than I am, but, MOST of the time he is good about doing the chores he's assigned and getting along with his younger sister. With him, I have to constantly remind myself of what I was like when I was twelve, and how I thought about things, and what I dealt with emotionally. It helps.
The most patience using child right now is the toddler. He's into the terrible two's (which I've always felt was misnamed since all my kids started into it when they were about 12-18 months old. He is learning to talk which has definitely helped on the "what do you want/need" scale, but I just have to take a deep breath a lot of times, remember that our other kids went through the same phase and have turned out pretty well, and just try to patiently figure out why he is throwing a tantrum or screaming for no apparent reason.
Well, now that we have two more kids in our house, I've noticed all the ways I parent, and how it has to change for each child. It would anyway, since they are all different and respond differently to things, but...
We have the way we have to deal with our tweenager (that's what I call him, since he's a "tween"), then we have our child, then we have the toddler, and then we have the infant.
The infant, for me, is easiest right now. He just wants to be held and loved, fed, and taken care of. He likes to smile and laugh and coo, and he's content most of the time to just watch you if you're busy. As long as he can see you, he's a pretty content little guy.
The next easiest, most of the time, is the child. She is nine, and likes to be helpful, most of the time. She thinks it's the best thing ever to help play with and take care of her toddler brother, and has no qualms about holding her infant brother either. She's going to be a good mom some day. Probably a better one than I am. :) She responds well to rewards. If she behaves a certain way, does certain chores, helps out, etc, a reward like a movie matinee, or treat at the store, is worth the work.
The tweenager, is a pretty good kid most of the time. He has his moments, and there are definitely days/weeks, where you can tell he's trying to figure out how to deal with the elevated levels of hormones in his body, but most of the time, he's pretty easy to deal with, all things considered. Of course, there is the question everything, which can get old an frustrating, and he likes to tell me when I'm wrong...even when I'm not wrong, and there are definitely times when I just wonder about things and how to do better than I am, but, MOST of the time he is good about doing the chores he's assigned and getting along with his younger sister. With him, I have to constantly remind myself of what I was like when I was twelve, and how I thought about things, and what I dealt with emotionally. It helps.
The most patience using child right now is the toddler. He's into the terrible two's (which I've always felt was misnamed since all my kids started into it when they were about 12-18 months old. He is learning to talk which has definitely helped on the "what do you want/need" scale, but I just have to take a deep breath a lot of times, remember that our other kids went through the same phase and have turned out pretty well, and just try to patiently figure out why he is throwing a tantrum or screaming for no apparent reason.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
2 months
Emmett turned two months old last week. I know, I'm behind. :) His two month checkup was on Monday though, so I didn't really want to write anything on it until I knew how he was doing growth wise. He weighs 9 lbs. WOW!!! That means he has gained three pounds since he was born. That doesn't sound like a lot, but that is great!! His head is also growing a lot, probably so he can keep up with his brothers and sister in the large noggin department.
He smiled his first official smile at me last night. I keep trying to convince him that midnight is not the time to be bright eyed and bushytailed, but I haven't succeeded in convincing him of this yet. He is typically a happy and content little baby though. Definitely the easiest of our kids so far....knock on wood! This could also be because the older we get, and the more kids we have, the more mellow we are.
I need to take some more pictures. I actually have been doing pretty good in taking pictures of him, it's just posting them that I have a struggle with!
Crazy to think that two months have already passed by. It has zoomed!
He smiled his first official smile at me last night. I keep trying to convince him that midnight is not the time to be bright eyed and bushytailed, but I haven't succeeded in convincing him of this yet. He is typically a happy and content little baby though. Definitely the easiest of our kids so far....knock on wood! This could also be because the older we get, and the more kids we have, the more mellow we are.
I need to take some more pictures. I actually have been doing pretty good in taking pictures of him, it's just posting them that I have a struggle with!
Crazy to think that two months have already passed by. It has zoomed!
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Happy Nappy
I have to admit that on occasion I do go over to the Duggar family website and read Michelle Duggar's blog. Her entries are usually about parenting, no surprise there since they have 19 kids! Anyway, on one of the entries she addresses what they do for the younger kids when it is nap time. I'm sure she receives oodles of parenting questions, and the nap time one is one of them.
She mentioned that they called it "happy nappy" time. I thought that was intriguing and cute, and a creative way to put a positive spin on something that kids usually don't like, and adults wish they could have more of.
The other thing I did was notice when Jeffrey typically wanted or was ready to go down for a nap, whether he knew it or not! :) His nap time is anywhere starting from 10:45, although ideally about noon, and he will sleep for 2-3 hours most times. Sunday really screws him up because our ward meets at 12:30. It makes it hard on the whole family too, because when Jeffrey doesn't get his nap...he is NOT a happy camper.
So, I started having a mild routine, where I always ask/tell him it's happy nappy time. You wouldn't think that one word would make a difference, but it does! Then I make sure he has his blanket, and his stuffed bear. He has one he prefers the most, but if it has disappeared he will make do with another stuffed bear we have. Then I lay him in his crib and tell him to have a happy nappy time. Very rarely does he cry if we do this routine. If he does cry it's on average about 1 minute. He isn't even asleep, but content.
Now if I could just figure out a positive word to add to bedtime... He used to be really good about going to bed, but nowdays.... some nights are good, some nights are not good...
She mentioned that they called it "happy nappy" time. I thought that was intriguing and cute, and a creative way to put a positive spin on something that kids usually don't like, and adults wish they could have more of.
The other thing I did was notice when Jeffrey typically wanted or was ready to go down for a nap, whether he knew it or not! :) His nap time is anywhere starting from 10:45, although ideally about noon, and he will sleep for 2-3 hours most times. Sunday really screws him up because our ward meets at 12:30. It makes it hard on the whole family too, because when Jeffrey doesn't get his nap...he is NOT a happy camper.
So, I started having a mild routine, where I always ask/tell him it's happy nappy time. You wouldn't think that one word would make a difference, but it does! Then I make sure he has his blanket, and his stuffed bear. He has one he prefers the most, but if it has disappeared he will make do with another stuffed bear we have. Then I lay him in his crib and tell him to have a happy nappy time. Very rarely does he cry if we do this routine. If he does cry it's on average about 1 minute. He isn't even asleep, but content.
Now if I could just figure out a positive word to add to bedtime... He used to be really good about going to bed, but nowdays.... some nights are good, some nights are not good...
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Bump bump bump....
Back at the end of March Jeffrey ended up getting hurt and cutting his lip open. When I say open, I mean OPEN. We took him to the E.R. and they called in a plastic surgeon to sew it up because it was big. The surgeon put in three deep stitches and then ten outside stitches. That's a lot on a little boy. It healed up really nicely though and most people can't tell there is even a scar there.
As the weeks have progressed the scar has gotten a little bigger. Not big enough to be super concerned, at least not to me, but anyway...
Jeffrey also has a bump on his right upper eyebrow. I didn't think anything of it at first, but it kept getting bigger, and then I had people asking me what he had done to his eye. It did kind of look like he had ran into something and then when we felt it you could feel a nodule under the skin.
The pediatrician agreed it was something that needed to be looked at and possibly removed. So, when we went to Jeffrey's follow up appointment today with the plastic surgeon, he got an appointment for surgery next week! I didn't think it would happen that fast, but I guess it doesn't matter how fast it gets done right?
So, after we got the paperwork we came home and I went to the hospital to register the surgery. Since he is going to be under anesthesia the plastic surgeon is going to inject his Jeffrey's lip too, to help break up the scar tissue.
I have always been amazed at what plastic surgeons are capable of doing. I'm not talking about the vanity plastic surgeries. I am talking about the reconstructive surgeries. It is really neat when you see all that they do.
I'm not looking forward to dealing with Jeffrey after the surgery, because I am sure the anesthesia will make him act wonky, but it is what it is. If we waited to have the bump removed, it could continue to get bigger and affect his eyesight in that eye, and it would be a little more difficult to remove. Plus, they want to double check and make sure that it's just a lipoma, and not anything they should be worried about like cancer. They really don't think it's cancerous, but it's just one of those things that you never know.
So anyway, exciting times!
As the weeks have progressed the scar has gotten a little bigger. Not big enough to be super concerned, at least not to me, but anyway...
Jeffrey also has a bump on his right upper eyebrow. I didn't think anything of it at first, but it kept getting bigger, and then I had people asking me what he had done to his eye. It did kind of look like he had ran into something and then when we felt it you could feel a nodule under the skin.
The pediatrician agreed it was something that needed to be looked at and possibly removed. So, when we went to Jeffrey's follow up appointment today with the plastic surgeon, he got an appointment for surgery next week! I didn't think it would happen that fast, but I guess it doesn't matter how fast it gets done right?
So, after we got the paperwork we came home and I went to the hospital to register the surgery. Since he is going to be under anesthesia the plastic surgeon is going to inject his Jeffrey's lip too, to help break up the scar tissue.
I have always been amazed at what plastic surgeons are capable of doing. I'm not talking about the vanity plastic surgeries. I am talking about the reconstructive surgeries. It is really neat when you see all that they do.
I'm not looking forward to dealing with Jeffrey after the surgery, because I am sure the anesthesia will make him act wonky, but it is what it is. If we waited to have the bump removed, it could continue to get bigger and affect his eyesight in that eye, and it would be a little more difficult to remove. Plus, they want to double check and make sure that it's just a lipoma, and not anything they should be worried about like cancer. They really don't think it's cancerous, but it's just one of those things that you never know.
So anyway, exciting times!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Checking In Again
So, I am sure you are all on the edge of your seats wondering how I am doing on my not yelling goal... the answer...well, I haven't given up! How's that?!
Every time I do yell, I renew my commitment to not yell. I think that's something. I think I yell less than I did, and not as intensely. I think these are all improvements.
Do I have things I need to work on, yes. Do I have attitudes I need to work on? Yes.
I haven't given up though. I refuse to give up! This is important to me!
I think it also helps me deal with stress better.
There are times when I am able to step back and laugh at a situation, and times I don't. It's a work in progress, but at least I am trying and progressing.
Tomorrow is a new day that I haven't yelled in yet... let's see how I do! :)
Every time I do yell, I renew my commitment to not yell. I think that's something. I think I yell less than I did, and not as intensely. I think these are all improvements.
Do I have things I need to work on, yes. Do I have attitudes I need to work on? Yes.
I haven't given up though. I refuse to give up! This is important to me!
I think it also helps me deal with stress better.
There are times when I am able to step back and laugh at a situation, and times I don't. It's a work in progress, but at least I am trying and progressing.
Tomorrow is a new day that I haven't yelled in yet... let's see how I do! :)
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Deep Cleansing Breath...
I think one of the most difficult things about having a newborn is not getting the sleep I am used to. :) With my first two kids, this wasn't really an issue because they were both formula fed and slept 4-5 hours at a time, right from the get go.
Since Jeffrey and Emmett have been nursed, they have both started out sleeping in 2 hour intervals. I think my friend must have iron milk, because she nurses her baby and he sleeps 5 hours a night! Jeffrey really didn't start sleeping longer until I had to stop nursing him when I had to have additional surgeries a month after he was born.
Anyway, one bonus is Emmett likes to snuggle. It makes the lack of sleep more bearable. :) He has started sleeping in slightly longer intervals at night...at least it feels that way. I might just be hallucinating in my lack of sleep blurriness... Still, he has started sleeping an hour longer. That doesn't sound like much, but it it's a start, and definitely better than two! :)
Well, poor little Jeffrey has been the unlucky child to get painful illnesses. First he got the cold sore outbreak in his mouth. That was six months ago I think...all I remember is how horrible it was for him, and for us!
Now he has roseola. That in itself wouldn't be too horrific...but he is also teething. Big teeth. Yowch! So, if he didn't already feel kind of miserable, now he certainly does. Since I am already on lack of sleep anyway, this has really helped improve my patience and compassion. Sure, it would be easy to lose my cool, especially since there have been many times in the past 4 days where Jeffrey has been inconsolable.
Today, for example, he has basically cried nonstop the whole time he's been awake. (no worries peeps, we took him to the doctor AGAIN just to make sure he didn't have an additional infection going on. I think I've talked to the pediatrician every day for the past four days...)
Still, I just think of how miserable he is and how much pain he must be in that nothing helps temper, and my compassion level goes up about four notches.
After all the crying today though, he did finally eat something! And it wasn't a cookie! He ate dinner, including vegetables (which seem to be his favorite anyway) and drank some more juice. Normally we don't give our kids juice, but when they are feeling cruddy and it's all they will drink... they get some.
So, hopefully he will continue to improve and get better and better. My other hope is that Emmett didn't contract this illness. On that one, we will just have to wait and see. I also hope those monster teeth finally come through! Some more sleep would be nice too, but we'll just take what we can get.
Since Jeffrey and Emmett have been nursed, they have both started out sleeping in 2 hour intervals. I think my friend must have iron milk, because she nurses her baby and he sleeps 5 hours a night! Jeffrey really didn't start sleeping longer until I had to stop nursing him when I had to have additional surgeries a month after he was born.
Anyway, one bonus is Emmett likes to snuggle. It makes the lack of sleep more bearable. :) He has started sleeping in slightly longer intervals at night...at least it feels that way. I might just be hallucinating in my lack of sleep blurriness... Still, he has started sleeping an hour longer. That doesn't sound like much, but it it's a start, and definitely better than two! :)
Well, poor little Jeffrey has been the unlucky child to get painful illnesses. First he got the cold sore outbreak in his mouth. That was six months ago I think...all I remember is how horrible it was for him, and for us!
Now he has roseola. That in itself wouldn't be too horrific...but he is also teething. Big teeth. Yowch! So, if he didn't already feel kind of miserable, now he certainly does. Since I am already on lack of sleep anyway, this has really helped improve my patience and compassion. Sure, it would be easy to lose my cool, especially since there have been many times in the past 4 days where Jeffrey has been inconsolable.
Today, for example, he has basically cried nonstop the whole time he's been awake. (no worries peeps, we took him to the doctor AGAIN just to make sure he didn't have an additional infection going on. I think I've talked to the pediatrician every day for the past four days...)
Still, I just think of how miserable he is and how much pain he must be in that nothing helps temper, and my compassion level goes up about four notches.
After all the crying today though, he did finally eat something! And it wasn't a cookie! He ate dinner, including vegetables (which seem to be his favorite anyway) and drank some more juice. Normally we don't give our kids juice, but when they are feeling cruddy and it's all they will drink... they get some.
So, hopefully he will continue to improve and get better and better. My other hope is that Emmett didn't contract this illness. On that one, we will just have to wait and see. I also hope those monster teeth finally come through! Some more sleep would be nice too, but we'll just take what we can get.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Where I'm At
So, an update on my yelling goal. After my, "I yelled" post, I took a few days off and didn't worry about it. I just let things go, just so I could regroup, and also so I could pay attention and notice what things made me angry.
I did notice a few things... I am a perfectionist, so I want it to be 100% yell free, but I began to realize that there are different levels of tone, and that really, even though I had yelled that one day, it wasn't an all out anger fest. I have decided that is when I am so upset that I start throwing things into the sink or dishwasher.
A good mini goal, I think, is to notice and pay attention and not let my frustration get to that level, and to start my calming down techniques before it gets to that point.
I did have a good moment today. Today was a somewhat frustrating day. My 12 year old was being hormonal and not focusing and not thinking really, and I found myself calming myself down and really thinking before I said things to him, and thinking through the things I wanted to say, because they weren't very nice, and finding better, nicer things to say.
It was a good moment and actually motivated me to be calmer and nicer as the day progressed.
I did notice a few things... I am a perfectionist, so I want it to be 100% yell free, but I began to realize that there are different levels of tone, and that really, even though I had yelled that one day, it wasn't an all out anger fest. I have decided that is when I am so upset that I start throwing things into the sink or dishwasher.
A good mini goal, I think, is to notice and pay attention and not let my frustration get to that level, and to start my calming down techniques before it gets to that point.
I did have a good moment today. Today was a somewhat frustrating day. My 12 year old was being hormonal and not focusing and not thinking really, and I found myself calming myself down and really thinking before I said things to him, and thinking through the things I wanted to say, because they weren't very nice, and finding better, nicer things to say.
It was a good moment and actually motivated me to be calmer and nicer as the day progressed.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Today I Lost
Today I yelled. There, I said it! :) I think I handled it pretty well, even so. I knew this would be a difficult thing for me to do. I knew that it was going to take work and effort. For five blissful days, I didn't yell at all. It was such an amazing feeling! I felt so calm and collected, and it just went well. Yes there were moments that I had to think about things. Yes, there were moments that I literally had to breathe deep and remind myself that "I am a hollow reed...trouble blows through me like the wind..." but all in all, they were five very good days.
Then the toddler happened...and no sleep...and exhaustion...and etc...etc..etc... Today was a very long day. Today the 19 month old won. He was a mega toad today!! Add the book report that was due in my daughters class...they've done three now, in three months...does that seem excessive to anyone but me for third graders??? Add in that I didn't even find out about said book report until yesterday. YESTERDAY! I was very grateful I found out about it at all.
So yes, I yelled. I was tired, and frustrated, and nothing was going right, and my eyesight was blurry, and I was "this close" to waking Shane up and telling him to call in sick for the night because I couldn't function and I was feeling extremely overwhelmed.
But I didn't wake him up. And now it is bedtime, and the toddler is in bed. Fighting it, even though his exhausted little body has to just be so very tired. I have no idea how his eyes are still open!
My daughter's report is done...hopefully. I gave up looking at it (it was supposed to be a brochure explaining the books great landscapes?? or something...). I asked her if she's learned a lesson...and she told me she learned she should start working on the assignment when the teacher assigns it. GOOD GIRL! She tried hard to do it to the teacher's specifications though, so hopefully it will be great.
So, tomorrow is a new day. I will try again, because this is something I want to achieve, but again, I'm not going to stress over it. It's a goal. A work in progress. I know if I continue to work at it, eventually I will make my goal of not yelling for thirty days, and then it will progress to even more.
I look forward to that day!
Then the toddler happened...and no sleep...and exhaustion...and etc...etc..etc... Today was a very long day. Today the 19 month old won. He was a mega toad today!! Add the book report that was due in my daughters class...they've done three now, in three months...does that seem excessive to anyone but me for third graders??? Add in that I didn't even find out about said book report until yesterday. YESTERDAY! I was very grateful I found out about it at all.
So yes, I yelled. I was tired, and frustrated, and nothing was going right, and my eyesight was blurry, and I was "this close" to waking Shane up and telling him to call in sick for the night because I couldn't function and I was feeling extremely overwhelmed.
But I didn't wake him up. And now it is bedtime, and the toddler is in bed. Fighting it, even though his exhausted little body has to just be so very tired. I have no idea how his eyes are still open!
My daughter's report is done...hopefully. I gave up looking at it (it was supposed to be a brochure explaining the books great landscapes?? or something...). I asked her if she's learned a lesson...and she told me she learned she should start working on the assignment when the teacher assigns it. GOOD GIRL! She tried hard to do it to the teacher's specifications though, so hopefully it will be great.
So, tomorrow is a new day. I will try again, because this is something I want to achieve, but again, I'm not going to stress over it. It's a goal. A work in progress. I know if I continue to work at it, eventually I will make my goal of not yelling for thirty days, and then it will progress to even more.
I look forward to that day!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Checkups and checking in
Emmett and Jeffrey both had doctor checkups today. Jeffrey only had to get one shot, and now he is good until kindergarten, YAY!! Emmett had to have his second PKU test done, which I thought he handled pretty well, all things considered.
Both boys are doing great. Growth and weight gain, great! Then the doctor looked at Shane and me and asked how I was doing. Any blues or depression? Shane nodded his head. (He was right though, so probably good that he did...) Still, on an intensity scale, this time is definitely the least compared to my other kids.
The doctor felt that it definitely could have been triggered by Shane going back to work, since that meant that my adult help was gone. And also because I was perfectly content and happy until he went back to work.
So, with a firm, watch this and if it gets worse or doesn't decrease next week you need to see your OB, we are waiting to see how I do, and I am hopeful that things will improve.
Today wasn't as bad as yesterday though, but again, Shane didn't have to work tonight because it's his Saturday, so we will see how next week goes.
On a positive note though, I have gone two days without getting angry and yelling at the kids. SWEET!! Shane asked me if I felt like I had pent up emotion because of this, and I told him no, because I mentally talked myself through it, and also, realized the real reasons I was getting angry and yelling.
I also have a good mental image of why I want to be yell free, even more. I started thinking of when I was in the operating room, and the doctors I enjoyed working with, and the doctors I didn't. I also thought about their personalities and why they were enjoyable to work with, and today as I pondered it, I would think, "I want to be like dr so and so, NOT the other dr." It actually helped quite a bit. It also helped me have more patience and repeat myself over and over and over, without getting frustrated or angry, and it helped me talk to my kids instead of just getting upset.
All good things. :)
Both boys are doing great. Growth and weight gain, great! Then the doctor looked at Shane and me and asked how I was doing. Any blues or depression? Shane nodded his head. (He was right though, so probably good that he did...) Still, on an intensity scale, this time is definitely the least compared to my other kids.
The doctor felt that it definitely could have been triggered by Shane going back to work, since that meant that my adult help was gone. And also because I was perfectly content and happy until he went back to work.
So, with a firm, watch this and if it gets worse or doesn't decrease next week you need to see your OB, we are waiting to see how I do, and I am hopeful that things will improve.
Today wasn't as bad as yesterday though, but again, Shane didn't have to work tonight because it's his Saturday, so we will see how next week goes.
On a positive note though, I have gone two days without getting angry and yelling at the kids. SWEET!! Shane asked me if I felt like I had pent up emotion because of this, and I told him no, because I mentally talked myself through it, and also, realized the real reasons I was getting angry and yelling.
I also have a good mental image of why I want to be yell free, even more. I started thinking of when I was in the operating room, and the doctors I enjoyed working with, and the doctors I didn't. I also thought about their personalities and why they were enjoyable to work with, and today as I pondered it, I would think, "I want to be like dr so and so, NOT the other dr." It actually helped quite a bit. It also helped me have more patience and repeat myself over and over and over, without getting frustrated or angry, and it helped me talk to my kids instead of just getting upset.
All good things. :)
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