A New Year

Well, it is now 2015.

The wind is howling outside and bitter cold. It's quite a change from what we experienced up to Christmas. Probably one of the warmest times I can ever remember! The cold seems to be more severe this time of year then I remember for a long time too. It's always coldest this time of year, but it seems to just be getting colder and colder every year. Brrrrr... Makes me grateful that I have a warm house, clothes, food, and a nice warm coat and boots to wear when I go outside.

The wind has been blowing all week. It is tempting to not like the wind. It is certainly noisy, and makes it difficult to sleep. It also make a cold 14 more like a -10 with the wind chill factor thrown in. Then I think about how usually once it snows, the air gets trapped and all the pollution from cars, factories, and other things, just sits there, and it's hard to breathe, and our air gets compared to Shanghai or Beijing. Well, the wind prevents that from happening, so I am certainly glad about that.

Here are some of my goals for the year. I am hoping if I write these down and make a continual effort to work on them, I will achieve some of them!

1. Organize and clean my house. I realize that it is hard to have a spotless house with little kids, but I would like my house to be more organized and cleaner than it currently is. It's something we need to work on. Baby steps.

2. Less yelling. Again, something that I have to continually work on. It was actually getting quite a bit better and then I had surgery, and that just threw a kink in all the works. Still, I have made it a goal, and my family has made it a goal too. I know that if we can get better at not yelling our house will be a more peaceful and pleasant place to be!

3. Plan menus for our meals. I have done this before, sporadically, but I have noticed that when I do, we eat out less, and we use the food we have on hand more. It's easier to make dinner when you have a bunch of options already written out. It also makes grocery shopping more effective and we spend less on our food budget. All good things!

4. Find something positive and have an attitude of gratitude. I always post this, because I always need to work on it. It is definitely better to be positive and optimistic then to always be negative. It makes life more enjoyable, and I know that when I am positive and looking at my blessings, I really begin to notice how much I really have and how much I have to be grateful for.

5. Attend the temple at least once a month.

I think this a good start. If I think of more, or think I can handle more, then I will write them down.

So, here is a funny thing...I was curious to see what I had written for 2014 for goals...and they were almost identical!! So, apparently I didn't 100% achieve them. Apparently I need to have smaller goals to achieve my bigger goals... so.... okay, here is a revision.

1. Work on organizing one room a month.
2. Create a job chart to help when jobs should be getting done.
3. If I say one negative thing to anyone in my family, I need to notice and say at least two nice things.
4. Create a meal plan for every two weeks.
5. Find one positive thing every day.
6. Attend the temple at least once a month.

All right new year, here we go!

I Can Do Hard Things...

There seems to be some popular statements that permeate everything these days... here are some examples: 

I can do hard things.
Just do it!
You can do it if you just try!
Listen to your inner voice.

(There are many more.) What is wrong with these statements? They're positive aren't they? They're powerful and encouraging aren't they? To this I would reply yes. However, they leave out a key component.

 Let's add it and see if it changes anything...

 I can do hard things...with Christ.
 Just do it...by the grace of Christ.
 You can do it if you just try...with the strength of Christ.
 Listen to your inner voice...with the grace of Christ.

 What changed? I added Christ to the equation.

 I find that in many situations we try to do things ourselves. I don't know if it's the stubbornness in me, the natural man, or the negative that tries to convince me that I can do it all on my own. Life is so much easier when I add Christ to my life and allow Him to help me carry the load.

Does that mean it is easy peasy? No. It means I have the strength to carry on for one more day and the courage to try harder and do better.

 Philippians 4:13
 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Alma 26:12
 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

Elder Bednar had some interesting things to say about being strong through the grace and atonement of Christ when he was first called to be an apostle back in 2004:

     ""In the Bible Dictionary we learn that the word grace frequently is used in the scriptures to connote a strengthening or enabling power:
     "The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and   love of Jesus Christ."
“… It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts” (p. 697).

Thus, the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity. I testify and witness that the enabling power of the Savior’s Atonement is real. Without that strengthening power of the Atonement, I could not stand before you this morning.""

Here is the link if you would like to read the entire talk

I hope I will always remember that if I have the humility to involve Christ in my life, I will be given the strength I need to deal with the trials and complexities of life.

Do Not Despair

It has been an interesting week for me. I have always been prone to seeing the dark side of life, getting overwhelmed, and other negative things. This week, as I have tried to be more spiritual, has also seen an intensity in the negative emotions. I can only think and believe, it is because I am trying to do something good, that this has happened.

The desire to give up, to not try, to just let it be, has been so enormous. Of course being a mom and wife is hard. Just being a good person is hard. This week has seemed to be even more so. Yesterday was crazy as I tried to take care of my family. Dealing with a child that has to have tests done to make sure that they don't have appendicitis, and then dealing with what is really going on.

I felt my self going down. To top it off, my house was a total disaster. I tend to be one who likes things neat and orderly, but most of the time I stuff that inclination down for the peace of my family. When I am already feeling down, it makes it amplified that our house is not the cleanest or most organized one on the block. Which, honestly, I really don't care about. I just feel more peaceful when things are clean and in order.

Then came today. After a week of interrupted sleep, today reared it's ugly head, and I had no desire to deal with today. In desperation I looked up a talk on lds.org and found this gem:

It was exactly what I needed to hear! I even read along with it. Not only did it provide the balm that I needed for my soul. It provided things to do, steps to take, goals to have and create! What an inspiration! I found myself filled with a desire to do better, and the darkness has abated again.

There are scripture references in the text. You can find them in the talk here: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1974/10/do-not-despair

The day has become a joy again. A challenge to become greater as I serve my family and friends. I can do this!

Goals for 2014

I know people traditionally call these New Year's Resolutions, but I'm calling them goals, because goals are something to work toward achieving, whereas resolutions are just a decision to change. Both good things, but I need something to work toward.

Goal 1

Plan a menu for every two weeks of the month.

Technically I started doing this last year, but it's good to write it down. I find when I plan a menu, I am less likely to feel like I don't want to make dinner or go out to eat, because I have things I know we can make. We eat better too, for the same reasons. It also helps me stay in our budget for food, and if we use less money on food one trip, then we can save that money for when items are on sale that I like to have on hand. It also makes it so we go to the grocery store less, which also helps us save money.

All I do is think of recipes that we like, and yes, we occasionally try new ones, then I look at what is used in the recipe, and try to find ones that use some of the food that we have on hand. If there is something on sale, sometimes I try to incorporate that into our meal plan. Then, I just put it on a list on the fridge, and decide what I feel like making that day.

It has been really helpful!

Goal 2

Yell less at my kids.

I don't like yelling at my kids. I know it is not necessary and in many ways harmful. So, I've been doing a few things to help with that. When I feel myself getting frustrated, I think of all the reasons why I love my kids, sometimes it's characteristics about them that I really think are special, sometimes it's things that happened in the past, and I think of the blessings involved in having them in our family. It helps for two reasons. First, I have to pause to think about these things, and it distracts me from that exact moment, and it also helps me focus on what's really important.

I know this is a difficult habit to change, but I know that I can do it. I also know that even if I slip, it will be okay and I can start fresh and resolve to do better.

Another thing that I started doing was thinking of triggers. For example, if I am upstairs and I need to talk to my kids, it's easy to yell for them. I don't think that's terrible, but if I have to keep yelling, and our conversation is yelling, it's much easier to get frustrated and upset, nevermind that my voice goes hoarse. So, the other day I called both Harrison and Hazel to come, and we discussed it. I told them that when called for, instead of answering "what" let's change it to "coming" because obviously I need something for them to do or help with, or something, and then we eliminate the yelled conversation that is so annoying.

This one is still a work in progress. We will see how it goes. But, it is a goal. I want to yell less at my kids, and I want our house to be less tense and stressful. Yelling always seems to cause tension.

Goal 3

Keep a cleaner house and become more organized.

I have been trying to do better at putting things away as soon as I am done using them. Keeping the kitchen clean, and the front room, and my task this week has been getting  the laundry room in order! I feel like my laundry room has exploded since I was sick in December.

It helps me know what to have the kids help with, and I have a few ideas for keeping the rooms more clean.

A big help was when we decided we were going to have Emmett sleep in the crib, because it literally forced us to clean out the office/nursery area. It looks better than it has in  a year.

I have also been trying to teach my kids to put things away too. I know that is one that will be a continuous thing, but maybe if I keep on it, it will become an easy thing. That is the hope. I would rather have a house that I maintain, versus one where I always feel like it is a mess. That being said, I don't expect my house to be spotless. While a spotless house would be nice, we live here, and we are here all the time. I want my family to enjoy being here and not feel like they can't do anything or they will mess up the house.

I know from past experience that if things are cleaner, it is easier to keep them organized. So, the two seem to go hand in hand. As I work toward keeping things clean, I want to get things organized as well.

So far, that is my personal main goals. I know I will think of more, but I think that these three are pretty big. Plus, we have goals that we are working on as a family, and as a couple.

So, here's to working on goals for the new year!

Checking In Again

So, I am sure you are all on the edge of your seats wondering how I am doing on my not yelling goal... the answer...well, I haven't given up! How's that?!

Every time I do yell, I renew my commitment to not yell. I think that's something. I think I yell less than I did, and not as intensely. I think these are all improvements.

Do I have things I need to work on, yes. Do I have attitudes I need to work on? Yes.

I haven't given up though. I refuse to give up! This is important to me!

I think it also helps me deal with stress better.

There are times when I am able to step back and laugh at a situation, and times I don't. It's a work in progress, but at least I am trying and progressing.

Tomorrow is a new day that I haven't yelled in yet... let's see how I do! :)

Goal #2

At the beginning of the year I had one goal that I wrote down... be more positive and grateful. I think I've been doing pretty good. Even on the days that are hard, even in the times that are down, I've been able to see the silver lining and look at the positive side. That doesn't mean I don't see the negative, because it is a constant thing that I battle, but seeing the bright side is a lot easier to do than it used to be.

Well, now I am going to add a second goal. I came to this point after being led to a blog called the orange rhino challenge. I added it to my blog list I was so impressed with this lady. She saw a parenting problem that she had and decided it needed to change. Reading her blog has inspired me to work on the same, because I want to be the same kind of parent. I want to be a patient and kind parent, that teaches my kids to be patient and kind.

So, goal number two for this year is: don't yell at my kids for 30 days. This is my goal. Part of this goal is figuring out what triggers me to be angry... tired, messy house, toys everywhere, whatever, I am going to figure it out so I can figure out techniques to prevent the yelling. My hope in doing this is to be a better example to my kids. To show them that if I can do it, they can too. I find when I am calmer, even when my kids are doing things that really really really make me want to yell at them, they are calmer too. They are more likely to listen, and my big hope is that I will teach them how to parent with patience.

I know this will be a challenge, especially since my 18 month old is in that defiant, I am independent so stop helping me and lets see how much I can get away with stage...but still, I know it is doable, because I know other people do it! If others do it, I can too!

I put 30 days because I read somewhere that it takes 30 days to make a habit. Once the habit is in place, I can lengthen my goal to two months, then three, etc... until I become a parent that doesn't yell.

Goal Update

Back in the beginning of October I made some goals to work on. It really has been helpful. So, I decided to report on how I was doing, since that is what I said I was going to do. :)

1. Pay attention to my body and don't overdue it-- This one has been interesting since I decided to have the most recent surgery AFTER I made this goal. Still, I think I have been doing okay on this one. It's kind of funny because I'll be rolling along and then suddenly feel exhausted and wonder why. Then my logical thoughts kick in and I remember that I had three surgeries in less than three months. :S

2. Have a positive and patient attitude with my kids even when I'm exhausted-- I still need to work on this one more, but it has been getting better. It is definitely easier to be patient when I've had 6 hours of sleep in a row, which is where Jeffrey is at now on his sleeping at night. I am so GLAD!! :)

3. Keep the sink clean-- This one I have been doing really well on, and Shane even helps too, because it makes everything look so much cleaner. We have been doing much better on keeping things maintained instead of having to spend hours cleaning up. SO MUCH EASIER!

4. Think of one positive blessing a day-- For a while I was thinking of 5 things a day, and I did it even when I didn't post anything online, but I continually need to work on this one. Last week was hard emotionally, and probably would have gone easier if I had been focusing on positives instead of negatives. (What can I say? Being a pessimist takes a while to overcome...and sarcasm, DOES NOT HELP. Since I tend to be pretty sarcastic, it is a work in progress...)

Still, I think all in all I am doing better on these goals than even I thought I would be. Hopefully I can say the same after November! :)

Whoosh!

I think Monday did me in physically. Yesterday...well...I was tired pretty much all day.
Today I actually got less sleep, but it hasn't been as bad and I remind myself when I want to go crazy cleaning...remember what happened on Monday?

It makes it easier to hold back. :)

So, I was reading my friend's blog and she was reporting on her current goals that she had set, I believe for the year. Well, the year is close to over, but, I am going to set some small goals that I can work on. This is something I have always been bad at. I know goals are important though. They help us have purpose and a desire to achieve things. Even if they are small.

I think this is a huge thing to help stave off depression, which I have been prone to in the past when I have been home ALL THE TIME.

So, here are my goals that I am going to work on.

1. Pay attention to my body and take care of it by not overdoing it so I can heal properly.

2. Have a positive and happy attitude with my kids even when I've had little to no sleep. :)

3. Keep the kitchen sink clean. ( I know this one sounds kind of silly, but it is amazing how clean the kitchen looks when the sink is empty! It motivates me to keep more things clean on a maintenance level and I am hoping it will train my kids to take care of their dirty dishes better...baby steps...).

4. Think of one positive blessing every day.

Okay. There they are. Because it is so close to the end of the year, I think I will try to report on them every month. There's another goal!