Primary

I have been wondering what to write about for a while. I guess the writing bug just isn't in me these days.

So, I'm just going to be real here. My church calling is Primary. I teach the 7 year olds. They are hilarious. I told Shane that I must have angels helping me, because they say some pretty mean things. I can't tell if they mean to be mean, or if they are just seven, but it doesn't really phase me. Prior to now, it would have phased me. It would have made me depressed and sad and feeling like I was failing. Now, it just rolls off my back and I seriously just laugh at them. I think some of them maybe think I'm not a very nice teacher. I don't know that for sure.

My other class liked it when I made them badges, and puzzles, and handouts, and it was fun to prepare them for them. This class, the badges inevitably get ruined before we even make it out of the classroom, The handouts (which usually say something like Choose the Right) get colored into superheroes, and other assorted things, which, wow, talk about creative! One child's favorite crayon is the black one. I think I am going to have to buy more black crayons... the puzzles get pasted to their heads. It's quite a rambunctious group to say the least.

Every lesson I've taught, there is a spot where we are supposed to go over a song. If they know the song they are supposed to sing. This is great for me because I love singing, right? My other class liked it when I sang. This class doesn't. They've even told me, "we hate to sing!" I said, "Too bad, I'm going to sing anyway!" I also told them that they were really going to dislike my class because I sing ALL THE TIME. And, it's true, I do! I sing even though 3 of the 5 kids plug their ears while I do it. So I stop, and then when they put their hands down I start up again!

One of them asked me if their class was the worst class I'd ever taught... I told them no. I meant it. I have taught all assorted ages. 7 years olds telling you your lessons are boring is a lot different than 11 year olds telling you that you're lessons are boring. Of course, I guess I have a different mindset. The thought that goes through my head these days, is "You never know what they will pick up on and hang on to." You aren't in this calling for you. You are in it for them. That helps.

They also asked me if I was EVER going to bring treats. I told them that I only bring treats to reverent classes, and they would have to earn them. After saying this, another child in the class gasped and said, "Man, we are NEVER going to get treats!"

It's been quite an interesting experience that's for sure. The most interesting for me though, is I just feel at peace. I don't feel frustrated that they aren't listening, or that they say things that aren't very nice, or all the other craziness that is going on, I just kind of go, huh, take a cleansing breath and move on...and try not to laugh sometimes because of the things they say or the answers that they give to questions.

All I can say, is it's going to be an interesting year!

Uh huh...

So, it was kind of interesting when I was being interviewed and asked if I would be willing to teach the 10-11 year olds in Primary. Afterward, when people would find out the age, everyone would say, "Oh, that is the EASY age to teach..." Uh huh...what planet are they on? If they mean easy as in...you can speak for more than five minutes without them interrupting you with how their shoe got eaten by a crocodile over the weekend, then they are correct. Yes. That part is a little easier...although the crazy little kid stories are quite a riot.

However there is a HUGE difference between teaching 5 year olds and 10-11 year olds. 5 year olds want to be in Primary...for the most part. Their lessons consist of basic things like...Families can be Forever, I want to go to the temple, God created animals, etc... you teach a 5-10 minute lesson, and then you get to color for the rest of the time.

After they turn 8 however, the lessons change (which in and of itself is not bad). The lesson books rotate and this year the lessons are all on church history, and they are AMAZING. How am I supposed to nitpick apart a very well written church history lesson about Adam-ondi-Ahman and the Millenium? How?

I bore them to tears making them look up scriptures and then READ them! Two students today kept saying toward the end of the lesson..."Is it time to go? We've been in here FOR-EV-ER!" They kept repeating it a few times until I finally stopped and told them it wasn't very nice to say that, and to please stop.

Every week I try to think of new things to do to make the lesson more interesting without changing the content. Sometimes it works okay...most times it's a lesson in patience and obedience on my part. I try, people. I REALLY try. This is one of the most difficult callings I have EVER had. I thought nursery leader was hard. This is in a completely different ballpark of difficulty.

I think I've made it through ONE Sunday without bawling. Although, interestingly enough, the crying happens AFTER class because I feel like such a failure. There's a reason why when I was actually pursuing an education degree, I was going into secondary ed and not elementary ed. Seriously.

Still, I do enjoy reading the lessons, and I continue to try and think about why I have this calling and what I am supposed to learn from it. I know there has to be something...there just has to be...

Life

Well, right now is just one of those times when life is hard for me. It's really frustrating. That is probably why I haven't been writing much on my blog, I mean, who wants to read about me whining and complaining about life, right?

I'm frustrated, and sad, and well, quite frankly, depressed. I have a new challenge right now, and it is NOT going well. I feel like when I take a step up I just get pushed back down. I was getting to such a happy place. I felt like I had finally reached a point where things were going okay, and I was beginning to make a difference. I had reached a level of peace and understanding about the whole infertility thing, and I was feeling really good about being in Young Women's. Then, bam! That's taken away, and here I am at ground zero. I've been here for about three weeks now. Has it really only been three weeks? Man...

It would be really easy at this point to just take the easy road, and say, Hey, you know what? I quit. Get someone else to babysit the 10 and 11 year old class because I just don't feel like it and I'm done. But, that's not the way I am. Surely there is a lesson in there somewhere for me...I don't know what it is, and maybe I won't learn it, but I hope I can survive long enough to know that I have at least tried my best.

Hmmm...

So, today was the second lesson teaching 10-11 year old primary. It was...interesting. I enjoy preparing the lessons because they are interesting to prepare, and the information is all on church history/doctrine and covenants this year. I like that.

I definitely don't get as stressed teaching 10-11 year olds as I did teaching 5 year olds, 4 year olds, 3 year olds, and nursery aged children. (Yep, I have definitely taught the younger set of children in Primary before...)

There is still the dealing with amazing amounts of energy. At this age the girls behave better than the boys, and the boys are seriously goofy. It really makes me appreciate the people who served and taught my Sunday school classes.

It is frustrating in a way though...my heart is still in Young Women's. It just is. I try to be excited to be in Primary. I know/realize it is such an important and vital time to teach and give kids a basis for their testimonies...still, I can't help but feel like my talent lies with teenagers. I get along with teens really well.

And so, even though I know I should be in Primary right now, for whatever reason, it is a struggle to fully cross over the line and be content with where I am right now. I will keep plugging away, however, and hopefully the sadness will begin to go away.

New is Good Right?

So, a week and a half ago I got a phone call. The ward secretary called and asked me if Shane and I could go meet with the bishop. I knew once he arranged that meeting that I was going to get a new calling.

The meeting wasn't until that Sunday so I had three days to wonder what they would want me to do. Would I be called to scouts? (PLEASE PLEASE NO!) Would I be the new Young Women Secretary? (That would be good...) Would I get a calling in Relief Society? (Also acceptable...) These were the ideas going through my head.

Of course it usually spun from scouts to YW secretary. I think you can figure out which one I preferred.

So, Sunday morning rolled around, Shane and I headed in, and then we waited.

They asked me to be the 10-11 year old Primary Teacher. I was so relieved that it wasn't scouts! (Don't get the wrong idea, I think scouts is a great program, but...I really don't want to be a scout leader...)

I felt really at peace about it. They set me apart for that calling, and I still felt at peace. If anything, I felt even more at peace. I really felt like this is what was needed at this time. So, I diligently prepared my lessons All the while missing Young Women's. Not going to mutual on Tuesday night was definitely a change. I had an orchestra rehearsal that filled in the time, and that was nice.

Then yesterday, I had everything ready, and we went to church. I went to the church library and got what I needed for the lesson and the YW President was in there and told me that she hoped I knew that I would be missed. I smiled and told her I would miss them too (BECAUSE I DO/DID). Then I went and got my classroom ready, and headed into Primary......

Where I promptly felt a wave of emotion and started crying. I'm sure the Primary Presidency felt kind of bad, I mean, there was their new Primary teacher crying on the back row because she's not in Young Women's anymore. Yeah...good times.

Once I got to the classroom though and taught the lesson, things were just fine. So, I'm sure things will start to get better...and hopefully I won't cry in opening exercises next Sunday. ;)