Initially I was going to base this whole post on forgiveness, and why we should practice forgiving others. It is something that I struggle with at times...I can tell this because if I happen to see specific people that made my life hell when I was in high school, I still have a hard time swallowing down the bile that rises in my throat and makes me want to hit them.
You'd think I would be over it by now. You would think that after almost twenty years, I would be tired of hanging on to that negative bit in my life. To be honest, I have reached a point now that I mostly have. I can't say that I think highly of them or like them though....still working on that one.
Then, yesterday, I found out that Robin Williams died. I know. Lot's of people are commenting on this today. Not only because he died, but how he died. I was sad to begin with, then with the knowledge that he committed suicide, my sorrow and compassion for his family deepened. It hit a little close to home.
Depression runs in my family. It runs in me. It's something that I've had to deal with in my life since I hit puberty. I think I've written about it before. Reading articles about thoughts that go through depressed people's minds, is like taking a look inside my head. They are so similar it's almost disturbing. It was so weird to me when I first went on an antidepressant to not have thoughts of death and dying. When I heard the phrase, "you might have depression if you often think about death and dying" I always thought they meant suicidal thoughts. I didn't have "suicidal" thoughts most of the time, but I DID think about death and dying all the time as it pertained to other people. Being free from those thoughts made me realize what a prevalent place they had in my mind!
I don't take antidepressants anymore. I know the greatest enigma of all is that people who are depressed don't typically like to take antidepressants. I know. You would think that if it helped then you would want to take them! For me, there was always this feeling that I should be above it. I shouldn't need to take them. There was also the feeling that I didn't feel like me. I didn't feel at all. I was in cloud world where nothing affected me, and it was weird. I also wanted to try and beat it. Not realizing that you can't really "beat it" you just learn how to deal with it, and the antidepressants are supposed to help you reach that.
For me, personally, the things that have helped the most have been alternative. Foot zoning, chakra healing, emotional clearing, they all helped. Chakra healing probably helped the most deeply though. For the first time in years I didn't have negative thoughts running through my brain all the time. I was positive and happy without even trying. If a negative thought ran through my brain like "I'm a terrible mother because of..." then a positive thought would immediately run through my brain reminding me that while I might not be perfect, I wasn't terrible.
Another thing that has always helped me, from the start of it all, was the knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, and that He loves me. He knows what I am going through with a perfect clarity and in times of great distress (and I've had them, believe me) I need to anchor myself to Him. I think that is one of many reasons why I really like this talk given by Jeffrey R Holland.
Then because my soul speaks through music....this song by Kenneth Cope speaks to me on a deeper level, reminding me that Christ always is there for me if I let Him in.
I know many other people deal with depression far worse than I have ever experienced. I hope that I can treat them with the compassion that I always want people to treat me with when I am having a particularly difficult time. Above all, don't give up hope!
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
6 Day Blur
It's been an interesting few days. It seems like longer than it's been too. Last Wednesday I started to get sick...quite suddenly. It kept me from going to Hazel's school celebration of learning, which I kind of felt bad about...except I was sick enough that all I wanted to do was lay in bed.
I kind of felt a little bit better on Thursday and then Friday happened. I really didn't feel great, but somehow I managed to go to the pediatrician twice in one day. Once for Hazel, once for Harrison... (more on that later...). By the end of the day, I felt awful, and wondered why I hadn't just let Shane take them. I was sick enough that Shane stayed home from work. He usually works Fridays just as an extra day anyway, but yeah...
Saturday...sick
Sunday...sick
Monday...sick
Today....recovering but so exhausted! I feel like I ran a marathon...although, I haven't ever ran a marathon before so I can't really say that that is how I feel, but I've swam distance before...so, yes, I feel like I just swam distance at a swim meet. Jelly legs, wobbly, tired, yeah...
I'm trying really hard to be good and not do anything too tiring, but watching two toddler boys play seems to be tiring enough. :)
I am trying to motivate myself and tell myself that I am doing great. Compared to two days ago, I am. I am doing awesome!
I am also hoping that working tomorrow won't cause me to relapse... but it will probably help me be super tired when I get home.
One thing that getting this sick always does for me, is reminds me of how grateful I should be when I am healthy.
I kind of felt a little bit better on Thursday and then Friday happened. I really didn't feel great, but somehow I managed to go to the pediatrician twice in one day. Once for Hazel, once for Harrison... (more on that later...). By the end of the day, I felt awful, and wondered why I hadn't just let Shane take them. I was sick enough that Shane stayed home from work. He usually works Fridays just as an extra day anyway, but yeah...
Saturday...sick
Sunday...sick
Monday...sick
Today....recovering but so exhausted! I feel like I ran a marathon...although, I haven't ever ran a marathon before so I can't really say that that is how I feel, but I've swam distance before...so, yes, I feel like I just swam distance at a swim meet. Jelly legs, wobbly, tired, yeah...
I'm trying really hard to be good and not do anything too tiring, but watching two toddler boys play seems to be tiring enough. :)
I am trying to motivate myself and tell myself that I am doing great. Compared to two days ago, I am. I am doing awesome!
I am also hoping that working tomorrow won't cause me to relapse... but it will probably help me be super tired when I get home.
One thing that getting this sick always does for me, is reminds me of how grateful I should be when I am healthy.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Feeling Relief
I had my doctor visit with the surgeon today. I think it went well. After discussing what was going on and then having another exam, he really felt like for the time being, things were ok and I don't have cancer. That is a relief.
So, I am supposed to watch it. Do an exam each month, and note if there are any changes or not. Keep a record of it. Changes include: pain, skin change (color, texture, etc...), discharge that is a color other than white, if the mass gets larger, or becomes hard.
The hope is that it will go down, get smaller, and disappear. Because of it's size and shape, the doctor felt that it was a milk duct that hasn't gone down because it's plugged/blocked. If that's the case, eventually the milk in it should reabsorb.
However, that being said, if it changes in the opposite way, I need to go back and see him again. He really doesn't think that will happen, but you never know. The symptoms that I have right now, he really didn't feel like warranted having an MRI done, but if I had really pushed for it, he would have scheduled one. (Pushed as in....just asking and saying I would like one scheduled.) He really didn't feel like it was necessary though. So, I decided it wasn't necessary.
The reasons I decided it wasn't necessary....of course a big one was because the surgeon didn't think it was necessary. He has a lot more experience with this than me. He has seen a lot more unusual things then I can even possibly imagine, and he did part of his training at a breast cancer center.
Here are my other reasons:
1. It's shape
2. It's mobile (which is a big sign that it's not cancerous)
3. The skin
4. It's location
5. No pain
6. It can't be seen on ultrasound. (I know that some breast cancers can't be seen via ultrasound, but they usually have other characteristics that I don't have, so that's encouraging.)
Because he felt it involved a milk duct, he really didn't want to do a needle biopsy. He felt the risk for it causing a fistula was higher than the risk of it being done and showing something abnormal. So, I was spared that.
If I still have it in six months, I'm supposed to have another ultrasound done, and be evaluated again.
So, I admit, it is a tentative relief, but it is a relief still the same.
So, I am supposed to watch it. Do an exam each month, and note if there are any changes or not. Keep a record of it. Changes include: pain, skin change (color, texture, etc...), discharge that is a color other than white, if the mass gets larger, or becomes hard.
The hope is that it will go down, get smaller, and disappear. Because of it's size and shape, the doctor felt that it was a milk duct that hasn't gone down because it's plugged/blocked. If that's the case, eventually the milk in it should reabsorb.
However, that being said, if it changes in the opposite way, I need to go back and see him again. He really doesn't think that will happen, but you never know. The symptoms that I have right now, he really didn't feel like warranted having an MRI done, but if I had really pushed for it, he would have scheduled one. (Pushed as in....just asking and saying I would like one scheduled.) He really didn't feel like it was necessary though. So, I decided it wasn't necessary.
The reasons I decided it wasn't necessary....of course a big one was because the surgeon didn't think it was necessary. He has a lot more experience with this than me. He has seen a lot more unusual things then I can even possibly imagine, and he did part of his training at a breast cancer center.
Here are my other reasons:
1. It's shape
2. It's mobile (which is a big sign that it's not cancerous)
3. The skin
4. It's location
5. No pain
6. It can't be seen on ultrasound. (I know that some breast cancers can't be seen via ultrasound, but they usually have other characteristics that I don't have, so that's encouraging.)
Because he felt it involved a milk duct, he really didn't want to do a needle biopsy. He felt the risk for it causing a fistula was higher than the risk of it being done and showing something abnormal. So, I was spared that.
If I still have it in six months, I'm supposed to have another ultrasound done, and be evaluated again.
So, I admit, it is a tentative relief, but it is a relief still the same.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
An Interesting Thought
So, I have about 5 books I am reading right now simultaneously. I know that seems kind of nuts, but most of them are non-fiction, spiritual, improving yourself, type books. The way my thought process works, I have to read it in chunks. I can't just sit down and read through the book. This is thinking material!
Anyway, one of the books is "Choose Higher Ground" by Henry B Eyring.
At one spot in the book, where he is talking about increasing our faith, he makes what I felt was an interesting point.
He wrote: "Great faith has a short shelf life."
I think too often we gain a testimony and then just let it sit. Just like a muscle that goes unused atrophies and becomes weak, so can our testimony if we don't constantly nourish it.
Then, when we need to rely on that strong testimony...it isn't there, and our faith crumbles.
I've thought about that a lot this week.
It's been interesting how many people have told me to "have faith and everything will be all right."
What does that mean to you?
I do have faith, and I do have trust, but rather than put a stipulation on it, I put that faith and trust in the Lord. Sometimes, things aren't "all right" sometimes, we have to go through sorrow, pain, illness, loss, etc... because there is something that we need to learn, that won't come any other way. Sometimes, that is the very experience that strengthens our faith and intensifies our determination to follow the Lord.
Instead of thinking, "please let everything be all right" I find myself thinking "please help me to be strong and willing to go through what I need to. Please help me to be calm and at peace with the things that I need to deal with...and help me learn what I need to from this experience."
I'm not perfect at doing this...but, when I find myself feeling a little anxious or scared, I think, "I have faith in the Lord's plan for me." The fear leaves, and I feel comforted.
Anyway, one of the books is "Choose Higher Ground" by Henry B Eyring.
At one spot in the book, where he is talking about increasing our faith, he makes what I felt was an interesting point.
He wrote: "Great faith has a short shelf life."
I think too often we gain a testimony and then just let it sit. Just like a muscle that goes unused atrophies and becomes weak, so can our testimony if we don't constantly nourish it.
Then, when we need to rely on that strong testimony...it isn't there, and our faith crumbles.
I've thought about that a lot this week.
It's been interesting how many people have told me to "have faith and everything will be all right."
What does that mean to you?
I do have faith, and I do have trust, but rather than put a stipulation on it, I put that faith and trust in the Lord. Sometimes, things aren't "all right" sometimes, we have to go through sorrow, pain, illness, loss, etc... because there is something that we need to learn, that won't come any other way. Sometimes, that is the very experience that strengthens our faith and intensifies our determination to follow the Lord.
Instead of thinking, "please let everything be all right" I find myself thinking "please help me to be strong and willing to go through what I need to. Please help me to be calm and at peace with the things that I need to deal with...and help me learn what I need to from this experience."
I'm not perfect at doing this...but, when I find myself feeling a little anxious or scared, I think, "I have faith in the Lord's plan for me." The fear leaves, and I feel comforted.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Ultrasound
I've decided ultrasounds are only great when you are pregnant and you know that everything is going well with your baby.
I'm not pregnant.
Today I had my ultrasound. I think it took about 10-15 minutes tops for them to do. It's a fairly small area to cover though, so that's not really surprising.
They won't send the results until tomorrow, so who knows when I'll know what the results say... maybe Wednesday? I'll definitely find out at my appointment next Monday!
It's been interesting today though. Since my appointment on Wednesday, I really haven't felt any anxiety or fear or anything...mostly calm and mostly peace.
Now, it's all becoming more real. I don't really feel fear, just a desire to know what the radiologist thinks. Since I've never had an ultrasound of this area before it's kind of hard to say what I saw. I honestly only have a vague idea. There was "something" but as to whether it's anything to be overly worried about, I have no idea.
So, we'll see I suppose.
I'm not pregnant.
Today I had my ultrasound. I think it took about 10-15 minutes tops for them to do. It's a fairly small area to cover though, so that's not really surprising.
They won't send the results until tomorrow, so who knows when I'll know what the results say... maybe Wednesday? I'll definitely find out at my appointment next Monday!
It's been interesting today though. Since my appointment on Wednesday, I really haven't felt any anxiety or fear or anything...mostly calm and mostly peace.
Now, it's all becoming more real. I don't really feel fear, just a desire to know what the radiologist thinks. Since I've never had an ultrasound of this area before it's kind of hard to say what I saw. I honestly only have a vague idea. There was "something" but as to whether it's anything to be overly worried about, I have no idea.
So, we'll see I suppose.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
A Partial History
Back in January I got a recorded message from my GYN's office saying that I needed to schedule an appointment for my annual exam. I remember thinking it was weird because it hadn't been a year. Still, a few weeks later I called, and made an appointment with the PA since they could see me a lot sooner than my doctor since I wasn't pregnant, or have some life concern.
Well, when I went to my appointment and they did the breast exam they found a spot of dense tissue. They weren't too concerned because I had only recently stopped breastfeeding a month before, but they did tell me that if it didn't go away, or it changed, that I needed to be be seen again.
I kind of put it out of my mind then until Sunday. Sunday I did an exam and still felt the odd dense area and felt like it had changed a little, so on Monday I made an appointment with my GYN. For something like this they got me an appointment for today. (My doctor only has clinic days on Monday and Wednesday.)
Well, today I had my appointment. My doctor confirmed that yes, there is something unusual there, and for lack of a better word, it is described as a mass.
Monday I get to have an ultrasound to see if they can see more specifically what is going on. It might just be a spot of unusual tissue but nothing to worry about...of course, it might not.
Then, the following Monday I have an appointment with one of the doctors I used to work with. He's done surgery on me before, and this is definitely his scope of practice, so anyway...the appointment is a consult, that could possibly turn into a surgical consult, depending on what is or isn't seen on the ultrasound.
Shane gave me a blessing on Sunday. I was told to be calm and at peace. I was told that the Lord was aware of me and my situation, and that we are given experiences in this life to help us learn. Initially in my mind I thought, that doesn't give me peace! I want this problem to be gone now! :)
Still...I have trust in the Lord. I know that if I am supposed to experience this on all levels, then that is what will happen, if that is what needs to happen in order for me to learn what I need to. So, right now it is kind of weird. I feel calm, but it is like a calm that has a roiling undertow underneath it. As long as I have faith and trust in the Lord, I feel peace, but at the same time I feel an undercurrent of fear that could take over as soon as I stop trusting, as soon as I begin to doubt.
Right now, of course there is the unknown. I will know a lot more in two weeks. It may be a lot more than I want to know, and at the same time, it may be welcome news and a relief.
My advice for the day? Make sure you stay current on your yearly physicals. Who knows how long this would have been undetected if I hadn't made that appointment. With something like this, you never know if it's nothing, until it's been evaluated. The hard thing to know, is that it could always be something. It's one of those times where they tell you to ALWAYS get it checked out. It might just be a cyst, but it might not. It might just be some weird growth, or it might not. You just don't know.
Well, when I went to my appointment and they did the breast exam they found a spot of dense tissue. They weren't too concerned because I had only recently stopped breastfeeding a month before, but they did tell me that if it didn't go away, or it changed, that I needed to be be seen again.
I kind of put it out of my mind then until Sunday. Sunday I did an exam and still felt the odd dense area and felt like it had changed a little, so on Monday I made an appointment with my GYN. For something like this they got me an appointment for today. (My doctor only has clinic days on Monday and Wednesday.)
Well, today I had my appointment. My doctor confirmed that yes, there is something unusual there, and for lack of a better word, it is described as a mass.
Monday I get to have an ultrasound to see if they can see more specifically what is going on. It might just be a spot of unusual tissue but nothing to worry about...of course, it might not.
Then, the following Monday I have an appointment with one of the doctors I used to work with. He's done surgery on me before, and this is definitely his scope of practice, so anyway...the appointment is a consult, that could possibly turn into a surgical consult, depending on what is or isn't seen on the ultrasound.
Shane gave me a blessing on Sunday. I was told to be calm and at peace. I was told that the Lord was aware of me and my situation, and that we are given experiences in this life to help us learn. Initially in my mind I thought, that doesn't give me peace! I want this problem to be gone now! :)
Still...I have trust in the Lord. I know that if I am supposed to experience this on all levels, then that is what will happen, if that is what needs to happen in order for me to learn what I need to. So, right now it is kind of weird. I feel calm, but it is like a calm that has a roiling undertow underneath it. As long as I have faith and trust in the Lord, I feel peace, but at the same time I feel an undercurrent of fear that could take over as soon as I stop trusting, as soon as I begin to doubt.
Right now, of course there is the unknown. I will know a lot more in two weeks. It may be a lot more than I want to know, and at the same time, it may be welcome news and a relief.
My advice for the day? Make sure you stay current on your yearly physicals. Who knows how long this would have been undetected if I hadn't made that appointment. With something like this, you never know if it's nothing, until it's been evaluated. The hard thing to know, is that it could always be something. It's one of those times where they tell you to ALWAYS get it checked out. It might just be a cyst, but it might not. It might just be some weird growth, or it might not. You just don't know.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Peace
In John 14:27 it states:
Peace I leave with you, my peace give I unto you: not as the world giveth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Fear and peace can't exist together. You can't be fearful and at peace.
I remind myself of that often these days. I keep thinking of the reasons I love God, and that if I trust in Him, I will have peace and calm.
Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it is. Either way, it will work out the way it is supposed to.
I have a doctor appointment tomorrow. It will be an interesting appointment.
I have another doctor appointment on Monday. That one should be interesting as well.
I don't want people to worry about me, and that is the main huge reason I am being extremely vague right now. When I have something definite to tell, then I will definitely share because I will need lots of support. However, if I am just being paranoid, or it ends up being not a big deal, well, then that would be a great relief.
So, right now my main focus is just being at peace.
Peace I leave with you, my peace give I unto you: not as the world giveth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Fear and peace can't exist together. You can't be fearful and at peace.
I remind myself of that often these days. I keep thinking of the reasons I love God, and that if I trust in Him, I will have peace and calm.
Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it is. Either way, it will work out the way it is supposed to.
I have a doctor appointment tomorrow. It will be an interesting appointment.
I have another doctor appointment on Monday. That one should be interesting as well.
I don't want people to worry about me, and that is the main huge reason I am being extremely vague right now. When I have something definite to tell, then I will definitely share because I will need lots of support. However, if I am just being paranoid, or it ends up being not a big deal, well, then that would be a great relief.
So, right now my main focus is just being at peace.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
A Change of Heart
The other day I was reading my friend's blog, "Better Through Christ." In one of the entries, she was writing about how she began applying the scriptures to her life. Farther on in the entry, she wrote about a scripture that stuck out to her one day, and she applied it by appealing to Heavenly Father to help her with her weakness in yelling and losing her temper with her kids. She no longer yells.
I remember that just hit me. It hit me hard, because I know I have written on here about my own struggle with losing my temper and yelling. Now, healing/opening my chakras helped. It helped a ton, but I still found myself getting angry. I found myself losing my cool over silly things! Things that really didn't matter, and what frustrated me even more was my lack of self control. Then I thought about the scripture that my friend had mentioned:
I remember that just hit me. It hit me hard, because I know I have written on here about my own struggle with losing my temper and yelling. Now, healing/opening my chakras helped. It helped a ton, but I still found myself getting angry. I found myself losing my cool over silly things! Things that really didn't matter, and what frustrated me even more was my lack of self control. Then I thought about the scripture that my friend had mentioned:
Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
I thought about that. I thought about it hard, and in my mind I thought, yes, this is definitely a weakness to me. This is definitely something that I need help with, that I am unable to do on my own, no matter how many anger management classes I take, or useful ways I find to get rid of pent up emotion, I CAN NOT do this on my own! And then I thought, surely, if the Lord can help my friend with this, He can help me.
Then I prayed. I prayed, and I poured out my heart to the Lord. I told Him what was bugging me, my weakness of temper, and my desire.
Since then....things have been so much better. Things that would make me angry or upset, no longer do. Occasionally I have a little upset, but afterward, I realize what I have done, and I am calm. My kids have noticed the change. It's not that I hold the things in or mentally tell myself to try to let them go, the things that used to bug me just don't bug me anymore. It's all put into perspective. I feel so mellow and at ease compared to how I felt before.
I know, I KNOW, it is because of that prayer. I know it is the Lord helping me have a change of heart, and my weakness, beginning to be made strong. It's a good feeling.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Healing My Heart
When I started clearing/opening my chakras, I did it all out of order. In the first video Carol Tuttle explained that most people open them in order, but if you felt like there was one you needed to work on, work on it! I muscle tested too.
Anyway, the chakras technically go in this order:
0 Foot Chakra
1 Root Chakra
2 Sacral Chakra
3 Personal Power Chakra
4 Heart Chakra
5 Throat Chakra
6 Intuition Chakra
7 Crown Chakra
I went in this order:
0/1 Foot and Root Chakra
4 Heart Chakra
2 Sacral Chakra
7 Crown Chakra
5 Throat Chakra
6 Intuition Chakra
3 Personal Power Chakra
Clearing the heart chakra was huge for me. I felt the whole time I was working on clearing these chakras, that I was just ready to do it. I had so much that I was ready to let go of, so much negativity, so many past experiences that were dragging me down emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, that I was just ready. It was nice and refreshing to clear them, and create new pathways for my thinking processes.
Opening the heart chakra was so monumental for me, because I was able to clear the wall surrounding my heart. When we go through life, we get hurt, and as a protection, most of us put something around our heart, whether it be a wall, a box, a lock, something that removes our heart from the rest of the world.
One of the false thinking ideas that you remove when you clear your heart chakra, is the idea that the heart can be broken, or harmed. The heart is strong! The heart is fully capable of dealing with life. Opening chakras, there is a lot of visualization involved. For me, the object or idea that came to mind when I thought about my heart chakra, was a thick stone wall. In many ways it reminded me of Rapunzel's tower.
The tower is gone.
This isn't to say that you can't protect yourself as a person. There's a lot of negative stuff out there, that we don't have to take on. There's a lot of things we don't need to worry about dealing with. When we are helping people, we can help them without taking on their problems.
Right after I cleared the heart chakra, I realized that while the wall was gone, I felt very vulnerable. It made sense, I mean, I had just removed a mighty fortress that protected my heart. The problem with having a wall was that the wall also removed me from dealing with emotions and situations as well. With the wall gone, I found that I had to do a couple of mental preparations whenever I found I was going to be dealing with a lot of people, until I figured out how to deal with it in a positive way.
Opening this chakra, as with all the chakras, brought me a level of peace. I found myself thinking different types of thoughts. Instead of beating myself down, my thoughts were positive. Instead of chewing myself out for not having a spotless house, I looked at it in perspective. Did the messiness still bug me? Yes, but the thought patterns didn't. Instead of thinking about a social situation and beating myself up for saying the wrong thing, I was able to look at it and just let it go, or think about ways I could be better in the future (which, instead of obsessing over, I just thought about briefly and then just let it go.) The heart deals with a lot of emotion...all the chakras do really, but the heart for me was quite pivotal in changing my thought patterns.
For me clearing my heart wall allowed me to open myself up to new emotions. Because I had a different way of thinking about things, I was able to deal with it better.
The other great thing about opening my chakras, is the negative anguish is gone. A lot of my past experiences involved negative emotions. Now, the memories are still there, but the turmoil is gone. It's almost as thought I have gained a new perspective. I can look at the situation, without feeling the pain.
It has also helped me not worry so much about how people look at me, or view me. I am who I am. I am doing the best I can, and that's good. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to. Everything will be all right.
Anyway, the chakras technically go in this order:
0 Foot Chakra
1 Root Chakra
2 Sacral Chakra
3 Personal Power Chakra
4 Heart Chakra
5 Throat Chakra
6 Intuition Chakra
7 Crown Chakra
I went in this order:
0/1 Foot and Root Chakra
4 Heart Chakra
2 Sacral Chakra
7 Crown Chakra
5 Throat Chakra
6 Intuition Chakra
3 Personal Power Chakra
Clearing the heart chakra was huge for me. I felt the whole time I was working on clearing these chakras, that I was just ready to do it. I had so much that I was ready to let go of, so much negativity, so many past experiences that were dragging me down emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, that I was just ready. It was nice and refreshing to clear them, and create new pathways for my thinking processes.
Opening the heart chakra was so monumental for me, because I was able to clear the wall surrounding my heart. When we go through life, we get hurt, and as a protection, most of us put something around our heart, whether it be a wall, a box, a lock, something that removes our heart from the rest of the world.
One of the false thinking ideas that you remove when you clear your heart chakra, is the idea that the heart can be broken, or harmed. The heart is strong! The heart is fully capable of dealing with life. Opening chakras, there is a lot of visualization involved. For me, the object or idea that came to mind when I thought about my heart chakra, was a thick stone wall. In many ways it reminded me of Rapunzel's tower.
The tower is gone.
This isn't to say that you can't protect yourself as a person. There's a lot of negative stuff out there, that we don't have to take on. There's a lot of things we don't need to worry about dealing with. When we are helping people, we can help them without taking on their problems.
Right after I cleared the heart chakra, I realized that while the wall was gone, I felt very vulnerable. It made sense, I mean, I had just removed a mighty fortress that protected my heart. The problem with having a wall was that the wall also removed me from dealing with emotions and situations as well. With the wall gone, I found that I had to do a couple of mental preparations whenever I found I was going to be dealing with a lot of people, until I figured out how to deal with it in a positive way.
Opening this chakra, as with all the chakras, brought me a level of peace. I found myself thinking different types of thoughts. Instead of beating myself down, my thoughts were positive. Instead of chewing myself out for not having a spotless house, I looked at it in perspective. Did the messiness still bug me? Yes, but the thought patterns didn't. Instead of thinking about a social situation and beating myself up for saying the wrong thing, I was able to look at it and just let it go, or think about ways I could be better in the future (which, instead of obsessing over, I just thought about briefly and then just let it go.) The heart deals with a lot of emotion...all the chakras do really, but the heart for me was quite pivotal in changing my thought patterns.
For me clearing my heart wall allowed me to open myself up to new emotions. Because I had a different way of thinking about things, I was able to deal with it better.
The other great thing about opening my chakras, is the negative anguish is gone. A lot of my past experiences involved negative emotions. Now, the memories are still there, but the turmoil is gone. It's almost as thought I have gained a new perspective. I can look at the situation, without feeling the pain.
It has also helped me not worry so much about how people look at me, or view me. I am who I am. I am doing the best I can, and that's good. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to. Everything will be all right.
Friday, March 7, 2014
A Change For The Better
There are a lot of things that seem to run in my family. Depression is one of them. I first started to deal with it when I was about thirteen and going to middle school. I still remember the thoughts I had. I still remember how I felt, and wondering why I was feeling the way I did. It was hard.
The middle of my freshman year in high school, I decided I needed to change. I looked at my life, and really tried to remove anything negative. I looked over the music I listened to, the books I read, the movies I watched, the people I spent time with, and if I felt it was negative...I removed it. It was gone. A bit drastic, but it helped the depression go away, for a time.
That was just the first time.
After I was married, and had had my first child, I dealt with depression again. This time I went on an antidepressant. It helped, but it made me feel like I was on a cloud. I didn't feel like I was me. I didn't like it. I began to search for other ways to deal with depression.
The most beneficial for me, seemed to be energy work, foot zoning, and for a time, essential oils. I realized I had a lot of emotional baggage. It really helped keep the depression at bay, but it always seemed to come back. Still, I felt it was better than using medication to deal with it. I felt better.
So, a little while ago, I was struggling again. I was given access to Carol Tuttle's 7 Chakras healing program. I had dealt a little bit with chakras when I had had energy work done, so it wasn't a huge shift to just working on chakras.
In the program, she goes over all the chakras in detail, and how to open them, or heal them. She actually includes another chakra that isn't typically used, so technically there are 8 chakras that you can open/heal. I started with the first one. Just clearing and opening that one chakra made such a difference in my mind! It was amazing and wonderful!
As I have cleared others, a similar thing has taken place, and it has been so good. I still have two more that I need to clear, but I feel so much better now than I did. The thoughts in my mind are so much more positive. When a negative thought tries to enter in, I think, no, that's not right. That's not how it is.
It has also helped me be more positive. I have a better outlook on things. I'm able to do things that I wasn't able to before. I can actually feel my body healing things that it has dealt with for a long time. Another great thing, is I yell less. Things that used to bug me immensely don't seem to bother me as much anymore.
It's been a great mind shift, and a great change for me. Once I clear the last two, it will be interesting to see how I feel, and for how long. It's been a good thing.
The middle of my freshman year in high school, I decided I needed to change. I looked at my life, and really tried to remove anything negative. I looked over the music I listened to, the books I read, the movies I watched, the people I spent time with, and if I felt it was negative...I removed it. It was gone. A bit drastic, but it helped the depression go away, for a time.
That was just the first time.
After I was married, and had had my first child, I dealt with depression again. This time I went on an antidepressant. It helped, but it made me feel like I was on a cloud. I didn't feel like I was me. I didn't like it. I began to search for other ways to deal with depression.
The most beneficial for me, seemed to be energy work, foot zoning, and for a time, essential oils. I realized I had a lot of emotional baggage. It really helped keep the depression at bay, but it always seemed to come back. Still, I felt it was better than using medication to deal with it. I felt better.
So, a little while ago, I was struggling again. I was given access to Carol Tuttle's 7 Chakras healing program. I had dealt a little bit with chakras when I had had energy work done, so it wasn't a huge shift to just working on chakras.
In the program, she goes over all the chakras in detail, and how to open them, or heal them. She actually includes another chakra that isn't typically used, so technically there are 8 chakras that you can open/heal. I started with the first one. Just clearing and opening that one chakra made such a difference in my mind! It was amazing and wonderful!
As I have cleared others, a similar thing has taken place, and it has been so good. I still have two more that I need to clear, but I feel so much better now than I did. The thoughts in my mind are so much more positive. When a negative thought tries to enter in, I think, no, that's not right. That's not how it is.
It has also helped me be more positive. I have a better outlook on things. I'm able to do things that I wasn't able to before. I can actually feel my body healing things that it has dealt with for a long time. Another great thing, is I yell less. Things that used to bug me immensely don't seem to bother me as much anymore.
It's been a great mind shift, and a great change for me. Once I clear the last two, it will be interesting to see how I feel, and for how long. It's been a good thing.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Breathe III
So, today I called my OB's office just to give them an update, and to see if they felt it was necessary for me to be seen, since my blood pressure seemed to be creeping up today.
They told me they felt like I needed to be seen by my regular doctor first, because the inhaler/steroid combo wasn't completely doing the trick, or my blood pressure wouldn't be going up so high. That and they could tell I sounded wheezy just by talking to me on the phone.
So, I get to go back to my regular doctor this afternoon, and I am guessing they will put me on nebulizer treatments. Hopefully that will do the trick! Hopefully that is all I need. Emmett seems to be doing okay, and moving around, so I am hoping it will stay that way.
This all makes me think about when I was pregnant with Harrison. I don't have pneumonia, like I ended up having with him, but still... When I was pregnant with him I got pneumonia, got put on oxygen, and breathing treatments and was hospitalized for about a week until they felt like I was stable enough to go home. I keep hoping that doesn't happen this time!
Thankfully, if they do put me on a nebulizer, we'll just need the medication and some of the disposable supplies, since we have a nebulizer that we ended up getting when Harrison and Hazel were little and would get super bad croup all the time.
*sigh*
I am just so ready to feel better! Still, in all of this I am very grateful that we have access to the medical care we do.
They told me they felt like I needed to be seen by my regular doctor first, because the inhaler/steroid combo wasn't completely doing the trick, or my blood pressure wouldn't be going up so high. That and they could tell I sounded wheezy just by talking to me on the phone.
So, I get to go back to my regular doctor this afternoon, and I am guessing they will put me on nebulizer treatments. Hopefully that will do the trick! Hopefully that is all I need. Emmett seems to be doing okay, and moving around, so I am hoping it will stay that way.
This all makes me think about when I was pregnant with Harrison. I don't have pneumonia, like I ended up having with him, but still... When I was pregnant with him I got pneumonia, got put on oxygen, and breathing treatments and was hospitalized for about a week until they felt like I was stable enough to go home. I keep hoping that doesn't happen this time!
Thankfully, if they do put me on a nebulizer, we'll just need the medication and some of the disposable supplies, since we have a nebulizer that we ended up getting when Harrison and Hazel were little and would get super bad croup all the time.
*sigh*
I am just so ready to feel better! Still, in all of this I am very grateful that we have access to the medical care we do.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Breathe II
After a horrible night last night, where I felt like I was suffocating and couldn't get enough air... (I think I slept two complete hours in a row), today I went to the doctor. I had to see a doctor I don't normally go to, but it was either that or the ER and I really didn't want to pay an ER bill.
Anyway, he told me to absolutely start my second z-pac today, and also prescribed an albuterol inhaler and some prednisone for me to take by mouth. When he listened to my lungs he concurred that there was a lot of wheezing going on, and that he had seen a lot of people with this particular illness where the breathing had bronchospasms. Which basically means that your body is acting like it has asthma even though it doesn't.
The albuterol and prednisone have definitely helped. I don't feel like I am trying to breathe through a straw anymore.
I am glad that even with all the wheezing, my oxygen level was still really good, and my heartrate was really good too. My blood pressure was pretty high, but I think that's because I was really anxious as to what they would find out.
So, hopefully I am on the mend will continue to feel better here on out.
Anyway, he told me to absolutely start my second z-pac today, and also prescribed an albuterol inhaler and some prednisone for me to take by mouth. When he listened to my lungs he concurred that there was a lot of wheezing going on, and that he had seen a lot of people with this particular illness where the breathing had bronchospasms. Which basically means that your body is acting like it has asthma even though it doesn't.
The albuterol and prednisone have definitely helped. I don't feel like I am trying to breathe through a straw anymore.
I am glad that even with all the wheezing, my oxygen level was still really good, and my heartrate was really good too. My blood pressure was pretty high, but I think that's because I was really anxious as to what they would find out.
So, hopefully I am on the mend will continue to feel better here on out.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Breathe
Today I am grateful for good health... I am grateful for that, because it is something I'm not really experiencing right now!
A few weeks ago...hmm...I think it was right after Christmas time, Jeffrey and I got a nasty cold. His automatically had a cough attached... mine just had a lot of kleenex usage involved... I helped temper it by using essential oils, but I still got sinusitis.
Tomorrow I start my second round of zithromax. Zithromax isn't something they typically like to give to people for sinusitis, because it doesn't stay in the system long enough, but since I am allergic to almost every other family of antibiotics, they have to prescribe it to me.
This is one of the huge reasons why I try to get the infections and things to not even start by using essential oils when I first get a virus.
I did start to feel better almost immediately after starting the first round...but then, whether because I got a different cold with similar symptoms or what, the drainage slowly started returning, and now I have a lovely cough too, and I've lost my voice, and basically just feel yucko.
My OB doctor knows about it though, so I am definitely keeping tabs with him, and tonight I finally got the humidifier out...or I guess I should say, Shane got the humidifier out, and hopefully that will help too.
My last monthly OB visit was on Wednesday, and everything sounded and measured fine. Now I start having appointments every two weeks! At my next visit they will do another ultrasound.
I went and saw my chiropractor today too. Hopefully that will boost my immune system enough to get rid of this nasty cold! Apparently being adjusted can boost your immune system up to 50%. That and now my hips and ankle don't hurt. So there you go. The joys of getting older. :)
A few weeks ago...hmm...I think it was right after Christmas time, Jeffrey and I got a nasty cold. His automatically had a cough attached... mine just had a lot of kleenex usage involved... I helped temper it by using essential oils, but I still got sinusitis.
Tomorrow I start my second round of zithromax. Zithromax isn't something they typically like to give to people for sinusitis, because it doesn't stay in the system long enough, but since I am allergic to almost every other family of antibiotics, they have to prescribe it to me.
This is one of the huge reasons why I try to get the infections and things to not even start by using essential oils when I first get a virus.
I did start to feel better almost immediately after starting the first round...but then, whether because I got a different cold with similar symptoms or what, the drainage slowly started returning, and now I have a lovely cough too, and I've lost my voice, and basically just feel yucko.
My OB doctor knows about it though, so I am definitely keeping tabs with him, and tonight I finally got the humidifier out...or I guess I should say, Shane got the humidifier out, and hopefully that will help too.
My last monthly OB visit was on Wednesday, and everything sounded and measured fine. Now I start having appointments every two weeks! At my next visit they will do another ultrasound.
I went and saw my chiropractor today too. Hopefully that will boost my immune system enough to get rid of this nasty cold! Apparently being adjusted can boost your immune system up to 50%. That and now my hips and ankle don't hurt. So there you go. The joys of getting older. :)
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Perspective
So, I think I have been kind of whiny lately about things. Have they been hard? Yes. Difficult? Yes. Impossible? No.
I can see the Lord's hand in the blessings handed out. I can see things that have happened that have been beneficial to us, and made our burden lighter.
I have read other blogs and realized that maybe things aren't really so terrible and gloomy.
I can see both sides of things. Would things be financially easier if I had stayed on full-time? Yes. I still wouldn't have a job. Would I want that job if I could have it? The only way I could have it is if I hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place. Would I be willing to sacrifice that just for money? No. I see the miracle of Jeffrey's life, and am grateful every day that he is in our family.
I can see now, that asking to be put on PRN was good for us even though I ended up not even working PRN or being able to go back to work PRN. The main reason being, we knew that my paycheck would be significantly smaller. So, mentally I think we both started to prepare for that.
Me, in my candy coated, "Oh we will have enough money. I have worked full-time long enough..." and Shane in his more realistic money reality of knowing that things would be tight, but we would make it through until a few of our loans are paid off.
I seem to have a "don't ask, don't tell" when it comes to our finance situation. It's something that emotionally I always have a hard time dealing with it, so I put it on the backburner and forget about it until it forces itself to be paid attention.
Then I get worried, high strung, and overly emotional, until Shane lovingly and tenderly explains the plan to me, AGAIN (something that I know, but conveniently forget because I don't like dealing with it). After which I have to mentally convince myself that things really will be all right and work out.
We have so much that so many don't have. I wish everyone had someone like Shane in their life. He is my rock. Then, on the rare occasion when he actually has a downer day, I am his rock.
But, I gain perspective. I think we are so hard up until I find out about the family who has 9 kids and the dad has a mediocre job and they are just barely making ends meet, and haven't had power for two days at their house because they couldn't pay the bill, until they get a construction job and the bill gets paid.
We haven't had to do that.
I lament the fact that I can't nurse anymore for two reasons. One, I knew it was very beneficial for Jeffrey's health, and it was free! Formula isn't free. Even that need, someone ended up giving us three cans of the exact formula Jeffrey drinks because they weren't going to use it.
Shane's mom canned green beans and pears while she was here helping with Jeffrey, and then gave them all to us.
Hazel got sick, with a bug that normally would have kept her from school for almost a week, and yet she is well enough to go back tomorrow.
We've already met our deductible, and out of pocket maximum for the year, so we only have to pay bills from the delivery, but my emergency surgery will be completely covered. Harrison's meds will be covered completely for the rest of the year, and they aren't cheap.
We have food in our freezer and food storage, so if we have to we will only have to buy milk at the store...and even then, we could get by on the powdered milk that we have. I know how to make bread, and if it came to it, I could do that. Right now the 1.50 for a loaf of bread is still something we can afford.
An additional blessing...my body has been healing quickly. I am off pain meds and have been for a few days, enough days that I can think cognitively and feel safe driving. Most people are in shock when they see me because I guess I shouldn't be able to do things that I've been able to do. I still feel tired and exhausted and have to be very attentive to that, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER since having my gallbladder out, I realize how sick I really was getting, and how bad it could have gotten.
So see...perspective, and so many blessings that I know we will be taken care of.
I can see the Lord's hand in the blessings handed out. I can see things that have happened that have been beneficial to us, and made our burden lighter.
I have read other blogs and realized that maybe things aren't really so terrible and gloomy.
I can see both sides of things. Would things be financially easier if I had stayed on full-time? Yes. I still wouldn't have a job. Would I want that job if I could have it? The only way I could have it is if I hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place. Would I be willing to sacrifice that just for money? No. I see the miracle of Jeffrey's life, and am grateful every day that he is in our family.
I can see now, that asking to be put on PRN was good for us even though I ended up not even working PRN or being able to go back to work PRN. The main reason being, we knew that my paycheck would be significantly smaller. So, mentally I think we both started to prepare for that.
Me, in my candy coated, "Oh we will have enough money. I have worked full-time long enough..." and Shane in his more realistic money reality of knowing that things would be tight, but we would make it through until a few of our loans are paid off.
I seem to have a "don't ask, don't tell" when it comes to our finance situation. It's something that emotionally I always have a hard time dealing with it, so I put it on the backburner and forget about it until it forces itself to be paid attention.
Then I get worried, high strung, and overly emotional, until Shane lovingly and tenderly explains the plan to me, AGAIN (something that I know, but conveniently forget because I don't like dealing with it). After which I have to mentally convince myself that things really will be all right and work out.
We have so much that so many don't have. I wish everyone had someone like Shane in their life. He is my rock. Then, on the rare occasion when he actually has a downer day, I am his rock.
But, I gain perspective. I think we are so hard up until I find out about the family who has 9 kids and the dad has a mediocre job and they are just barely making ends meet, and haven't had power for two days at their house because they couldn't pay the bill, until they get a construction job and the bill gets paid.
We haven't had to do that.
I lament the fact that I can't nurse anymore for two reasons. One, I knew it was very beneficial for Jeffrey's health, and it was free! Formula isn't free. Even that need, someone ended up giving us three cans of the exact formula Jeffrey drinks because they weren't going to use it.
Shane's mom canned green beans and pears while she was here helping with Jeffrey, and then gave them all to us.
Hazel got sick, with a bug that normally would have kept her from school for almost a week, and yet she is well enough to go back tomorrow.
We've already met our deductible, and out of pocket maximum for the year, so we only have to pay bills from the delivery, but my emergency surgery will be completely covered. Harrison's meds will be covered completely for the rest of the year, and they aren't cheap.
We have food in our freezer and food storage, so if we have to we will only have to buy milk at the store...and even then, we could get by on the powdered milk that we have. I know how to make bread, and if it came to it, I could do that. Right now the 1.50 for a loaf of bread is still something we can afford.
An additional blessing...my body has been healing quickly. I am off pain meds and have been for a few days, enough days that I can think cognitively and feel safe driving. Most people are in shock when they see me because I guess I shouldn't be able to do things that I've been able to do. I still feel tired and exhausted and have to be very attentive to that, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER since having my gallbladder out, I realize how sick I really was getting, and how bad it could have gotten.
So see...perspective, and so many blessings that I know we will be taken care of.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
And So It Goes...
Well, each day I have progressively felt better. My mom has been watching Jeffrey at night so I will get the rest my body needs to heal, and that has been so helpful.
This weekend, we were going to have Jeffrey back with us, because Shane was going to be home to help out.
Well....
Friday Shane was asked to work overtime, which we desperately need, so my mom took Jeffrey at night.
Friday was also the day Hazel told me she didn't feel well, and I ended up having to get her at school because she felt sick.
Then, this morning she got sick all over her bedroom, and she had diarrhea too. *joy* She couldn't keep anything down.
I was REALLY glad that Jeffrey wasn't here for this.
So, I took her to the doctor, just to make sure it was only a stomach bug. By that time she had been able to keep down a few sips of pedialyte. Her throat looked okay, ears okay, and no fever. So that was all good news. Also good news that this particular bug seems to be a nasty but short one, at least in the not keeping food down department. The other could last up to five days, BUT when we got home I put some essential oils on her tummy and she hasn't had a problem the rest of the day!!! Yay for essential oils!
The doctor highly recommended that Jeffrey stay with my mom until the bug was done though, so, he is there again tonight.
I am hoping that Hazel will still feel good in the morning though, because that means we can bring Jeffrey home! I have missed him so much. I even went up and spent the day at my parents so I could be with him. Part of me feels like he is already forgetting the bond that we had. It was a bond that I never really felt with my other kids. They were both daddy babies, but Jeffrey you could tell always wanted me. Hopefully it will come back once we get him home again...
This weekend, we were going to have Jeffrey back with us, because Shane was going to be home to help out.
Well....
Friday Shane was asked to work overtime, which we desperately need, so my mom took Jeffrey at night.
Friday was also the day Hazel told me she didn't feel well, and I ended up having to get her at school because she felt sick.
Then, this morning she got sick all over her bedroom, and she had diarrhea too. *joy* She couldn't keep anything down.
I was REALLY glad that Jeffrey wasn't here for this.
So, I took her to the doctor, just to make sure it was only a stomach bug. By that time she had been able to keep down a few sips of pedialyte. Her throat looked okay, ears okay, and no fever. So that was all good news. Also good news that this particular bug seems to be a nasty but short one, at least in the not keeping food down department. The other could last up to five days, BUT when we got home I put some essential oils on her tummy and she hasn't had a problem the rest of the day!!! Yay for essential oils!
The doctor highly recommended that Jeffrey stay with my mom until the bug was done though, so, he is there again tonight.
I am hoping that Hazel will still feel good in the morning though, because that means we can bring Jeffrey home! I have missed him so much. I even went up and spent the day at my parents so I could be with him. Part of me feels like he is already forgetting the bond that we had. It was a bond that I never really felt with my other kids. They were both daddy babies, but Jeffrey you could tell always wanted me. Hopefully it will come back once we get him home again...
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Slowly
Things are slowly getting back to normal...at least, a kind of normal anyway!
My mom has been watching Jeffrey at night for me, which has been really helpful since I wouldn't have slept otherwise. It is nice to feel like our family is getting back to normal.
After my little emotional breakdown, which I think came out quite nicely in my blog post ;) I had a little mind talking to where I tell myself positive things like, YOU CAN DO THIS! I've done tough things and survived and I will survive this too. We've made it through times of extreme uncertainty before, and while definitely not on my "fun" list, we will make it through again.
It always seems to happen right around the time our babies are born though... I wonder why that is...
My mom has been watching Jeffrey at night for me, which has been really helpful since I wouldn't have slept otherwise. It is nice to feel like our family is getting back to normal.
After my little emotional breakdown, which I think came out quite nicely in my blog post ;) I had a little mind talking to where I tell myself positive things like, YOU CAN DO THIS! I've done tough things and survived and I will survive this too. We've made it through times of extreme uncertainty before, and while definitely not on my "fun" list, we will make it through again.
It always seems to happen right around the time our babies are born though... I wonder why that is...
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