Perspective

So, I think I have been kind of whiny lately about things. Have they been hard? Yes. Difficult? Yes. Impossible? No.

I can see the Lord's hand in the blessings handed out. I can see things that have happened that have been beneficial to us, and made our burden lighter.

I have read other blogs and realized that maybe things aren't really so terrible and gloomy.

I can see both sides of things. Would things be financially easier if I had stayed on full-time? Yes. I still wouldn't have a job. Would I want that job if I could have it? The only way I could have it is if I hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place. Would I be willing to sacrifice that just for money? No. I see the miracle of Jeffrey's life, and am grateful every day that he is in our family.

I can see now, that asking to be put on PRN was good for us even though I ended up not even working PRN or being able to go back to work PRN. The main reason being, we knew that my paycheck would be significantly smaller. So, mentally I think we both started to prepare for that.

Me, in my candy coated, "Oh we will have enough money. I have worked full-time long enough..." and Shane in his more realistic money reality of knowing that things would be tight, but we would make it through until a few of our loans are paid off.

I seem to have a "don't ask, don't tell" when it comes to our finance situation. It's something that emotionally I always have a hard time dealing with it, so I put it on the backburner and forget about it until it forces itself to be paid attention.

Then I get worried, high strung, and overly emotional, until Shane lovingly and tenderly explains the plan to me, AGAIN (something that I know, but conveniently forget because I don't like dealing with it). After which I have to mentally convince myself that things really will be all right and work out.

We have so much that so many don't have. I wish everyone had someone like Shane in their life. He is my rock. Then, on the rare occasion when he actually has a downer day, I am his rock.

But, I gain perspective. I think we are so hard up until I find out about the family who has 9 kids and the dad has a mediocre job and they are just barely making ends meet, and haven't had power for two days at their house because they couldn't pay the bill, until they get a construction job and the bill gets paid.

We haven't had to do that.

I lament the fact that I can't nurse anymore for two reasons. One, I knew it was very beneficial for Jeffrey's health, and it was free! Formula isn't free. Even that need, someone ended up giving us three cans of the exact formula Jeffrey drinks because they weren't going to use it.

Shane's mom canned green beans and pears while she was here helping with Jeffrey, and then gave them all to us.

Hazel got sick, with a bug that normally would have kept her from school for almost a week, and yet she is well enough to go back tomorrow.

We've already met our deductible, and out of pocket maximum for the year, so we only have to pay bills from the delivery, but my emergency surgery will be completely covered. Harrison's meds will be covered completely for the rest of the year, and they aren't cheap.

We have food in our freezer and food storage, so if we have to we will only have to buy milk at the store...and even then, we could get by on the powdered milk that we have. I know how to make bread, and if it came to it, I could do that. Right now the 1.50 for a loaf of bread is still something we can afford.

An additional blessing...my body has been healing quickly. I am off pain meds and have been for a few days, enough days that I can think cognitively and feel safe driving. Most people are in shock when they see me because I guess I shouldn't be able to do things that I've been able to do. I still feel tired and exhausted and have to be very attentive to that, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER since having my gallbladder out, I realize how sick I really was getting, and how bad it could have gotten.

So see...perspective, and so many blessings that I know we will be taken care of.