Some Things I've Learned

I think I wrote about this last year, but then things happen, and it just reaffirms what I already thought...in fact, intensifies what I already thought.

Last year I wrote about how we didn't make a big deal about Santa at our house. Our kids still get gifts from Santa, and if they want they can visit with Santa at the company Christmas party, but really, no big deal.

So...

Here are some things that I've noticed this year...

I don't like "Elf on the Shelf." Seriously. A creepy fake elf doll that "watches your kids" and reports back to Santa? To me it's just one more way to lie to your kids, or blackmail your kids into doing what they should be doing anyway, and they're being a stubborn kid and not doing it.

I have NEVER told my kids they better behave or they won't get any presents from Santa. I HAVE once or twice told my kids that their presents would start to get taken away if they didn't stop arguing/bickering. Santa, however, was not involved.

So, as a parent, and I'm definitely not perfect by any mean, here are some things I've learned... a huge one, which seems to be repeated a lot... CONSISTENCY. If you are going to tell your child there will be a consequence for their behavior, you HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH. So, as a parent, you have to be very careful to give consequences that you want to follow through on.

For example... if you are at a family party and your kid is acting crazy and you get frustrated and tell them that if they don't behave you are going to leave....you better be ready to follow through on that. If you want to leave anyway, then it's no big deal for you, but if you DON'T want to leave, then you start giving your child chances to change their behavior, which is just a downhill slide.

My kids have their moments, and I definitely have mine, but I'm glad I don't have to rely on the, "if you don't do A, then Santa won't bring you presents, or, if you don't do A then Elf will find out and let Santa know." I guess for some people this is good because the fear of not getting presents usually makes their kid behave. It backfires a lot, from what I've seen, and then where are you? Are you really not going to give your kid their gifts? Are you really not going to let them go to the party?

There have been times when my kids have been misbehaving, where I really will say, "Hey, I'm tired, I'd rather stay home. If you don't want to miss the party, then change A, or you can stay here with me and you'll get to do chores instead while everyone else goes and has fun." They know I mean business and it will happen, so yes, the behavior changes.

Probably the best thing a therapist told us was to outline what was expected and then act on it. This was for timeouts. We had used timeouts previously, but it had never really worked, and then when we were taking Harrison to a therapist, we found out why. Once we changed how we did it, it worked. Boy did it work! We rarely have to put them in timeout at all. (Keep in mind, when we learned this Harrison was 10.)

Occasionally I will have to put Hazel in timeout, but really. The key ingredient.... no chances. If, however, you haven't outlined what is expected, we give them one chance to change. ONE. Not three, not five, ONE. And they know it. She told us the reason timeouts don't work is because kids know how many chances they have so they will push the limit. IT IS SO TRUE. That is why outlining what is expected, works even better, because they get no chances. They know that if they do A then B will happen.

Still, in my mind, the whole Santa, and now Elf on the Shelf thing, just makes the whole situation that much worse. It makes me that much more grateful that I don't make Santa that huge of a deal in my kids' lives. My kids are happy, they love Christmas, and it is still a magical time of gift giving, service, love, celebrating the birth of our Savior, and spending time with family. To me, that is more of what Christmas should be about anyway. :)

O Christmas Tree Part II

So...we got rid of our sad tree that refused to stand...

Now we have a national lampoon christmas vacation tree...seriously! We went and got a real tree, and I wanted a tall one. They had one left, the price wasn't too bad, and we brought it home. The thing is HUGE. I keep looking at it waiting for the squirrel to jump out at me...

It is beautiful though, and smells heavenly. There is nothing quite like the smell of a live tree.

Shane laid down underneath it to water it, and stayed there. I asked him if he was ever going to come out and he told me it was like laying down in a forest. He also told me it was quite relaxing and I should try it. :)

I'm so used to our skinny artificial trees that it is taking some getting used to. This tree is so full, so tall, and so just BIG.

Of course, after having a real tree for the first time in 14 years... I don't know if we will go back to an artificial tree. I guess we will have to see!

O Christmas Tree

Our tree finally died. And by that I mean that our artificial tree that was about 15 years old when we got it, and loses needles (just like a live tree!), finally got to the point where no tree stand could make it stand up...

Shane tried. Our tree lasted 3 days.

 Of course it became completely unstandable on a day where I feel gross and could really care less. I had the older kids prop it in the corner of our front room, since somehow it miraculously survived being decorated on Monday evening... not sure how we pulled that one off. By Tuesday Jeffrey had already toppled it once, and by today, well... it is pretty much done.

So, I'm not sure what the plan is now. Get a real one this year? See if anyone will sell us a used artificial one? I have a hard time even thinking of spending the amount it would take to get a new one.

Of course the ill part of me, which is a pretty large portion today, just thinks, meh, it will work out. Not going to worry about it TOO much.

So, we'll see what happens.

It's the end of the year...

We had a good Christmas. Sometimes, especially after I talk to other people, and notice what they get their kids for Christmas, or do for Christmas, I wonder if we do enough, or if my kids feel deprived. Then Christmas morning arrives, and I am reassured that what we do is just right for our family. The kids are happy, they like everything they got, and it's just a happy time. A time that we enjoy being together.

It is hard to believe that the Christmas break is almost over! Our kids even got out two days earlier than everyone else, and I feel like it has just zipped by. Tomorrow is the last day! I keep finding myself thinking, "but I'm not ready for them to go back to school yet..."

Now it's new year's eve, and almost 2013. It's been a busy but good year.  The coming new year also brings  to mind that time is winding down for when the newest member of our family will join us. At times it has felt like the longest pregnancy ever, and right now it feels like the baby will be born tomorrow. :) (not literally of course, we still have 2 and a half months to go...)

I have never been really good at resolutions, but I think this year I will copy my friend and focus on being grateful. I almost wrote positive, but I find that if I am grateful, being positive automatically follows. So, here's to a grateful year!

Santa

When I was a child, my family believed in Santa. We got presents from Santa, we sat on Santa's lap, presents magically appeared Christmas Eve, but it was never a humongous deal. I don't remember my parents making a huge deal about Santa and whether he was real or not. When I was about 9 or 10 my friend informed me that he wasn't real. I didn't believe her. I don't even think I asked my mom about it. Maybe I had doubts, I seriously can't remember. Eventually of course, I figured it out, but it wasn't a big deal to me.

My cousin on the other hand, repeatedly asked his mom if Santa was real, and she was adamant that he was.      Even when my cousin was past 12 and told his mom he knew, she still insisted. I felt like that was going a little overboard.

Then we had a lady come and speak to us, and tell us how devastating it was for her to find out that her parents had lied to her about Santa. To the point of wondering if she could ever trust them, or believe anything they ever told her ever again. It shook her faith. Finding that out, shook me.

I didn't want my kids to react that way.  I wanted them to enjoy Christmas and the magic of the season, but at what expense?

So, when Shane and I got married we discussed it, and decided that we weren't going to lie to our kids. If they asked about Santa, we would tell them the truth no matter what.

With Harrison, I have to admit we hadn't really figured out how to do this with finesse. We were pretty blunt with him. We told him about the real St. Nicholas, and how now we leave presents under the tree just like he did.

Part of me felt like I had ruined his childhood. We also told him, repeatedly to not tell other kids that Santa was pretend, or to make fun of them. This worked most of the time.

With Hazel, we still didn't want to lie to her, but I felt like there had to be a better way to teach her about Santa without taking the magic away. So, again, we told her the story and history of St. Nicholas, and then we told her that Santa wasn't real, but it was fun to pretend. She seemed very content with this information, and went happily on her way pretending that Santa was real.

This bugged Harrison, to the point where he was constantly telling Hazel that Santa wasn't real. I finally took him aside, and told him, "Look, she knows that. We've told her. We've also told her it's fun to pretend that he IS real. If she wants to pretend, then LET her and QUIT bugging her about it!!"

One of the things I always felt was so magical about Christmas morning, was waking up and seeing the Christmas tree, that maybe before only had one or two presents, be completely transformed. (With seven kids in the family, there was always a lot of presents!)

And so, if you see our tree...beautifully decorated by our kids, it usually looks pretty bare until it is magically transformed Christmas morning. We don't even give our kids that many gifts, but going from nothing, to completely full... it still makes me smile.

There's usually one or two gifts from Santa, but the rest are from us. Our kids seem to like it, and I like to think we have found the happy medium of including a childhood icon, without sacrificing what Christmas is really about.