Family Goals

The last month has been quite crazy in our house.

I decided (and Shane agreed) that we should have a family home evening lesson on setting goals, and then set some as a family...we decided this back in January...and then Hazel got strep, and Shane got strep...which turned into mono, and then Jeffrey, Harrison, and Emmett got croup, and then I strained my back...really badly... (yeah, it's been delightful).

So the lesson on goals didn't happen until this last Monday.

We talked about the importance of setting goals and then as an example I told them, so if we set a goal as a family to go on a trip to California (in my mind I thought Disneyland) and Harrison and Hazel say, To LEGOLAND! in unison... and I just chuckled on the inside... maybe if I told them Harry Potter world is closer to Disneyland.......

Legos

I have to admit that there are times when I feel a little sad that I've never taken my kids to Disneyland. Silly, isn't it? What a first world problem! My kids have never complained. They've never been like, well, when are WE going to get to go?

Of course we'd love to take them. It seems like whenever we decide to make the plan, something big and crazy happens, and we never get to the point where we can even think about saving for it.

So, I asked Hazel one time, if she felt sad that she'd never been to Disneyland. She thought a moment, and then told me, no, but I would really really like to go to Legoland! I told her that it was geared to smaller kids...is that still her dream? Yes, mom. Legoland. Harrison gave the same response and he is 15. I even told him that some of the rides he would be too big to go on. No biggie. They just want to SEE it.

I don't know why this just made me smile, but it did. Most kids dream of going to Disneyland, our kids dream of Legoland.

There you go. :)

Time

It's been a while since I last posted on here. Life has been busy! My two littles are like energetic puppies. I was raised with five brothers, so I am familiar with boys, but man, these two...they make me tired just watching them! Crawling, jumping, climbing, tumbling, tugging, pulling, in, out, up, through...and don't forget the wrestling! Constant wrestling! I'm surprised one of them hasn't gotten injured or broken a bone yet. (cross fingers it doesn't happen any time soon!!)

Harrison has now been busy doing his online school/regular school mix for a few months, and I think he is really enjoying it. It seems to be a good mix for him. He is doing really well keeping up with his online school work, and he works very hard and diligently at it. Then he has orchestra at the regular school, and seminary, and he is really enjoying those too. It makes me happy to see him liking school and doing great at it.

Hazel we are still trying to help her catch up, but she is getting there. I am glad she has the teacher she does. I really like her, and she does a good job, and she is very understanding and empathetic to Hazel's needs. It's just right for Hazel.

Jeffrey, boy Jeffrey has just done a total turn around! He is talking more, interacting in conversations, wants to read books, count, say colors, it is just thrilling and amazing and makes my heart happy! The doctor checked out his ears and throat the other day, and Jeffrey interacted with him! Our pediatrician always makes little bird chirps when he looks in little kids' ears and when he did it this time, Jeffrey looked at him and said, "There's a BIRD in my EAR!!!" It was so cute! It makes me smile just writing it!

Emmett is so super smart! He already counts to ten. I'm sure he doesn't understand the significence of it yet, but it just amazes me that he does it! He also recognizes a few sight words (very few) and letters. He's just fun, and crazy! I love him though. I love them all. It's not that it's super easy and all just smooth sailing, but being a parent is very rewarding.

So, now onto the other stuff...

I have a growth on my jawline. I know. Eww.. I had it checked today by a surgeon, and it will need to be removed. So, there may be a small surgery in my future. My doctor said it looked like a sebaceous cyst. The reason it needs to be removed is it has grown like crazy the last six months, from being the size of a pencil tip eraser, to more like a big marble (the big steelys). It's also infected and not a happy sebaceous cyst, which also points towards it needing to be removed. I'm supposed to have an ultrasound on it so they can see all the structures and make sure it doesn't involve any facial nerves, large blood vessels, etc... so, hopefully that will be all okay and no problemo... praying for good outcomes on that one.

There are other intriguing things going on that I can't write about yet. So...I may write about it next time. We'll see.

School is in session...kind of...

Hazel started school this week. This is a week earlier than they started last year, and last year they started a week earlier than the year before that. So...yeah. Still, they get out for summer about a week before everyone else. BEFORE memorial day so that will be new for us.

Harrison's main school starts on Wednesday next week, and then the school he takes orchestra at and seminary will start on the 31st. He's actually been working on one of the classes this week because it is self paced and if he can get it completed before the school semester starts he won't have to do work from that class because it will already be passed off.

Jeffrey starts preschool on the 31st. His teacher came to visit just to meet him. He hid behind the recliner. That's his spot. His teacher from the year before came too, and she mentioned to me that he also had a spot in the classroom that he liked to go to. I guess he likes to have a safe spot where he feels in control. :) He will be going to school four days this year. If it is too overwhelming for him they will back it down to three and then try to get it up to four. I really didn't ever want him to start kindergarten right after he turned five, because he would be the youngest in the grade. I just didn't think that would be a good thing. I still don't. I am going to use all my parental power to have him go to preschool another year.

I was pretty impressed that all the kid's school holidays are pretty evenly lined up except for spring break. Harrison's main school is off for spring break one week before the other schools in our family. Still, we may be able to work it so he does his school work that week and then takes the next week off when his orchestra and seminary will be having spring break. That's the cool thing about online school.

It's going to be a busy year!

Summer is Here!

School is out. At least for my kids. Seems kind of weird since the district we live in doesn't get out for another week. :)

I decided once again that our summer would be a little more structured than it has in the past. We'll see if I am successful at achieving this! I told the older kids that I thought it would be good to set some goals so that we would have something to work toward. They liked that idea, so hopefully it will be a good motivator.

Basically the morning will be filled with doing chores for the day and working on the goals, which for both my older kids includes practicing music. The goal setting begins today. I would also like to have a wake up time. Not super early, I mean, it IS summer and I don't want to totally kill their fun, but if I let her, Hazel would sleep in until 10:30 every day.

The other thing we need to work on is getting things ready for Harrison to do online school. Of course he is already registered, it's just making sure he has a space that is suitable for doing school work. I know that they say they can do it "anywhere" but it seems in our family, that if there is  specific place set aside to work on schoolwork it just seems to go better.

At the very least I would like my kids to work on practicing their instruments. This one is especially crucial for Harrison since he hurt his wrist in February and is just now getting to the point where he can start working with it again. He's lost a lot of muscle and wrist control in his bow hand, so hopefully he can gain some of it back.

Of course it's important for Hazel too. She has a lot of building blocks she needs to work on. We'll see how that goes. She doesn't like having me for a teacher. Lol. I really have to be more aware of her frustration triggers when I teach her.

So, 1, 2, 3, here we go!

Things I Won't Miss

Everyone likes to tell me, especially during difficult days, that I will miss this phase of life when it is gone. They are right, there ARE things I will miss, but I guarantee there are things I won't miss.

I won't miss potty training. Ever. People that say they will miss this are insane, or a glutton for punishment, or something.

I won't miss cleaning up puke. Again. Do I need to explain this?

I won't miss the pee smell that just seems to never go away.

I won't miss stinky diapers.

I won't miss sweeping the floor...again....and again...and again...and again...

I won't miss the shoes getting thrown down the stairs, or dumped out, or made into a mountain.

I won't miss them escaping our pew at church and running down the aisle...multiple times during a meeting. They are like little escape artists!

I won't miss the cups of water being dumped everywhere, multiple times, every day, no matter what I do.

I won't miss the temper tantrums and meltdowns.


However, there are many things I will miss.

I will miss the little hugs.

I will miss the snuggles.

I was miss the little children wanting to be held, and them sleeping in my arms.

I will miss them needing me and wanting to be around me.

I will miss looking at books with them, and seeing the delight on their faces when they realize that red is more than just a word, it is a color!

I will miss the pure joy they experience as they swing in a swing for the first time and literally squeal with glee.

I will miss the innocent magic that seems to take place around Christmas time.

I will miss them learning how to talk and use words.

I will miss the joy they find in learning new things and discovering their world.

I will miss going to the park with them.

I will miss them being here.

The things I WILL miss definitely make up for the things I WON'T. Thinking of that, it does make it easier to focus on enjoying the journey, and not on all the hard things.

Music, Books, Kids, and more Music

It's been an interesting spring. Remember when I wrote about how my son is in the local youth chamber orchestra and how I missed playing? Then I wrote about how much I have enjoyed playing my cello lately...

Anyway, the youth chamber orchestra usually has a "specialist" for each section of strings. Imagine my surprise and outright shock when they called me and asked me if I would like to be the cello string specialist for the chamber orchestra. I seriously had no words! I told them that I wasn't as good as the previous cello specialist, and they told me that was ok. So, after a discussion with Shane (who literally was looking at me like, "why are we discussing this, and why aren't you on the phone telling them that you'll do it?!") So, of course I accepted.

I admit a huge part of me keeps wondering when they will figure it out and realize they made a mistake in asking me.

I guess that's one of my biggest issues. Feeling like people are always thinking I play terrible. I know they don't. I know that unless I play a squeaky high note, most people are just amazed that I play an instrument and think it's super cool!

So, playing with that group has been really fun.

Then I have my two cello students (yep, you read that right, TWO) and honestly I am ok that there are just two. It's been an adventure since one of them is young. Nine years old. And that has been really interesting. Who knew that my primary teaching skills would come in handy teaching a nine year old?! Not me.

Add to that my part time library job which I love, and 98% of the time my music doesn't even interfere with it.

Plus a spring concert with the local community orchestra which I also play in, and rehearsals for that, and they are playing some difficult music...as in, I haven't played music this difficult since I was in college, so that has been an adventure!

Plus kids, school, preschool, and everything else.

Equals a very packed schedule. At least what feels like one to me. It's an enjoyable busy though. Not a stressful one most of the time, and that is the key ingredient right?

An added bonus is that playing the cello is good physical therapy for my hands, and that is definitely a great thing.

Hanging On

I'm ready for all my kids to be healthy at the same time...okay, I'm ready for everyone to be healthy at the same time!

It has been a roller coaster of illness around here, but thankfully, none of it has been influenza.

Emmett has still been grumpy, especially since his antibiotic ran out, which made me wonder if he needed to be seen again.

Then Harrison woke up this morning and told me it hurt really bad when he breathed in an out. Yay!

I didn't think it was anything super serious, but when your 14 year old is telling you the pain level is an 8 or 9 when they are laying down, you begin to wonder what is going on.

When Shane came home, he wondered if maybe Harrison needed to have his back adjusted, but the pain was coming in waves, so I wondered.

In the end, I ended up taking him to the doctor Shane and I go to, since the pediatrician was 100% booked, and he would have to be seen in the night clinic. I didn't want to wait that long.

Our doctor thought he might have pleurisy, which is an inflammation of the lining of the lung. He prescribed him prednisone, which is a steroid. Common practice.

So, we went and got the prescription filled. Since you are supposed to take it with food, we stopped at home and got some food to eat. I guess the pills look like chewables because Harrison chewed the pill. Blech! Of course that worried me because I knew you weren't supposed to chew them, so I called the pharmacist and found out that although super nasty tasting, it shouldn't be harmful (although he didn't recommend chewing them anymore...lol).

Anyway, then I had a few errands to run, and then the thought occurred to me that I should take Harrison to our chiropractor and just make sure that there wasn't a rib out that was causing the pain.

Off to the chiropractor we went. Nothing was out on the front, but when he had Harrison turn over, there was a rib out. So, he adjusted him, did another adjustment, and presto change-o, the pain was immediately gone.

Since we were there, the chiropractor adjusted Emmett too, so hopefully his ear will drain and he will be happy again! After he got adjusted and we were back in the car, Emmett was humming in the back seat. I think because he could hear again!

After this experience I always think to myself, why didn't I start at the chiropractor and go from there?! It would have saved me money. Oh well.

Follow Up

A few days after the ER visit, I took Emmett to his follow up with our pediatrician. I had all the kids with me, and Harrison was still having an extremely bad sore throat, so when the doctor asked how everyone was doing, I told him about Harrison and how he still wasn't doing better.

Here is what I found out:

The doctor told me that teenagers can get a micoplasma infection that can cause a severe sore throat that won't go away. So he put Harrison on a zpac. Before he was even finished with the antibiotic (that you only take for five days) his sore throat was completely gone. Hallelujah! To be honest, I questioned the other doctor's assessment that Harrison might have mono, for the main reason that he just wasn't tired enough. With mono, it doesn't matter if you want to be awake, you seriously just sleep, all day and night, and it still isn't enough.

Anyway, glad that was taken care of.

Now on to Emmett.

When I saw Emmett's xray it looked very similar to the xray he ended up with last year when they told me he also had pneumonia, and then the pediatrician really felt like he had RSV because of what the xray looked like.

Well, we knew he didn't have RSV because that test came back negative, but when our doctor listened to Emmett's lungs at his appointment three days later, they sounded clear. Based on the xray, he felt that Emmett had a different virus, that is actually worse than RSV, but shows up on an xray as very similar to RSV. So, we are very blessed that it didn't affect his breathing worse and have to be hospitalized.

By the time he had his follow up appointment, the retracted breathing was all gone, and his respirations per minute were back to normal. So, those are all really good things.

Even though he ended up probably not needing to go to the ER, I am still glad that I took him. I always feel like the ER is a double edged sword. You don't want anything to be really wrong, but when it is, you feel justified for making the trip...but you hate that something was wrong. If nothing is wrong, that is wonderful, but you feel like you just wasted a ton of money going to the ER.

In Emmett's case though, he really was sick, and how bad would I have felt if I didn't go and he ended up not breathing and dying because I was too stubborn to take him in? Yep, I would much rather pay the ER bill and have peace of mind in knowing that I did everything I could as a parent to help him be as healthy as possible.

A whole lot of crazy going on...

So, this last week has kind of been a blur, and this next week, is kind of starting out as a blur. A blur of coping. Seriously.

Last week, Harrison was diagnosed with mono. Yay. I feel bad for the kid. Although, I think as far as mono goes, he has a pretty mild case, thank goodness.

We went and talked to our financial advisor, and had a good meeting. Of course, this meeting took place on the same day as the day that Harrison informed me that his throat hurt bad enough that he didn't think he'd be able to concentrate in school.

So, that was fun.

Then, because his throat hurt bad enough, the pediatrician said that he felt that Harrison should stay home for the rest of the week. Which, he's old enough, so as far as that goes, not a big deal. Still, I always get a little anxiety when my kids miss school, because I always worry about the work that they are going to have to make up.

About the same time, Emmett started having a cough. The cough started to gradually get worse, but nothing big. Nothing big enough to cause me concern, but merely hope that it didn't turn into croup. Well, fast forward to today. Last night, I started noticing that Emmett was retracting while he breathed (in other words, when he breathed the muscles in between his ribs sucked in.) He was starting to use his whole stomach to breathe. Of course this concerned me, but he didn't seem to be struggling, he wasn't coughing THAT bad, and he was happy, energetic, and like his usual little self. I thought, hmm, maybe his cold is getting worse...I hope it doesn't turn croupy.

Well...last night, he woke up and had a coughing fit. I almost took him to the E R right then. I still wondered if it was croup though, so we tried sitting in the bathroom with him while the shower was on hot and steamy. It didn't help really. Maybe a little.

Shane gave him a blessing and I felt ok about waiting until the morning. He had stopped wheezing, and it seemed like his breathing had calmed down.

Well, Hazel and I went to church in the morning, and Shane stayed home with the boys. I kept feeling uneasy about Emmett, so we left a little early and came home. I called the pediatrician and then waited to hear back from him. By this time, Emmett had a little mild grunt at the end of each breath, but still, he was running around, playing with his toys, not lethargic in any way shape or form. I looked at his ribs, and the retraction was worse, plus the little grunts...

The pediatrician called back and recommended giving him a nebulizer treatment. Emmett's respirations were at 42 breaths per minute, which is higher than they like, so he told us to count his respirations again 10 minutes after the treatment and if they were 40 or higher he wanted us to call him again. Well, ten minutes after he was at 42 breaths per minute, 20  minutes after he was at 48. So, we called the pediatrician again. When he called back, we talked for a few minutes, and then told me that his main concern was that Emmett wasn't getting enough oxygen and possibly becoming hypoxic. So, I took him to the ER. (We have a pulse oximeter, which is probably one of the best things we have ever bought, but Emmett is too little for it to read on him.)

At the ER his oxygen level was okay. 90/91. That's not great, but usually if it's sitting at 90 they are okay with that unless it appears like the child is struggling to breathe. After evaluating him, they discovered that he has an ear infection, and after an x ray found out that he has pneumonia. The RSV test came back negative.

Sometimes when a child gets pneumonia they will hospitalize them, but because Emmett was doing well, they felt good about sending him home and giving him an antibiotic, and having us give him breathing treatments.

So, hopefully Emmett will improve. He supposed to be seen about Tuesday or Wednesday as a follow up.

I am so grateful that he is okay enough that he doesn't have to be in the hospital.

Back to the ELC

ELC means Early Learning Center. Back when Hazel turned three I had her evaluated because she wouldn't talk. She wouldn't talk to the point where she'd get mad and frustrated because we couldn't understand her. She also struggled with large motor skills, playing with others, and learning. I was so glad she qualified (which is easy to do when you refuse to answer the evaluator's questions. I remember her just sitting there with a blank look on her face...). Once she was in the program she only qualified of for about six months and then she had caught up to her age level. We kept her in the program as a mainstream student, but then it was like any other preschool where you have to pay. Still, it was good for her.

Well, now it is Jeffrey's turn. Jeffrey struggles with his speech, like Hazel, except his is more in articulation. It is very difficult to understand him when he speaks a lot of the time. There are some phrases that you can understand, but otherwise...no. Jeffrey, unlike my other children, is extremely strong willed. I used to think I knew what strong willed kids were like, because my other kids definitely have their stubborn streak, but Jeffrey is strong willed to the point of defiance. If it isn't his choice to do something, there is NO WAY he will do it. NO WAY. If you try to force him, it is BAD NEWS and he will have a complete meltdown.

This has made it almost impossible to have him potty trained. He doesn't like to model behaviors, or repeat, or copy, which are all things that little kids do to help them learn emotion, and how to react to things. He doesn't like it when I try to teach him things or point out shapes or colors or clouds or nature or anything. It is very difficult to get him to cooperate.

When Jeffrey was tested, Shane went with me. I was glad about this because Jeffrey didn't want to go with the evaluator. At first Shane asked him, would you like to go if I go with you? Of course he said, No. I told Shane that we needed to give him acceptable options. (Love and Logic has taught me something...and works the best when trying to deal with Jeffrey, but not all the time.) So, instead, I asked Jeffrey if he wanted walk with daddy or if he wanted daddy to carry him. Two acceptable choices, but either way, he was going to go get evaluated. He chose to have Shane carry him.

Shane told me afterward that Jeffrey was actually doing really well when he was being tested, but that he only lasted through about half of the first test before he had a complete meltdown. What you have to remember is that this is a preschool program that specializes in early intervention and teaching kids with special needs, so they see behaviors of all kinds of kids all the time.

Anyway, since he only made it through half of the test, and because of the other issues he has, he qualified for the program. I think an important thing in teaching Jeffrey will be to help him realize that even if people are telling him things that he needs to do, like asking what is on a picture, he is still in control. It is okay. I am hoping that this will help him so that when he is old enough to be in kindergarten he will be able to go and not have it be a difficult experience for him.

So, we will get called to set up an IEP (individualized education plan) sometime in the next week, and then Jeffrey will start preschool after that. I am excited for him because I think it will be really helpful for him to have help working on these things. I am also hoping that by being with other young kids that he will want to start potty training because he will be with kids who are potty trained. I guess we'll see!

Growing Up

I think I have been slacking in the kid information department for a while. This is probably because I write the most stuff about them in my hard copy journal, and all the funny things they do I write on facebook, so I forget to write about it on here.

Harrison is getting ready to have a birthday. It's hard to believe that he is turning 14. That just makes me feel really old! Still, he has accomplished a lot. He started playing the viola in 5th grade. If I had been on top of things, I would have helped him practice and given him musicianship lessons. He would be a lot farther a long. :) Still, he is doing really well. This summer I worked really hard with him to achieve his goal of being in the the local youth chamber orchestra, and he made it in. It has been a lot of work for him, but he really enjoys it, and it is so cool to hear him play and becoming a good viola player.

He is also amazing at building things with his legos and bionicles. When he first gets a set he will follow the instructions and build the set, but after that....his brain is his set of instructions. He has built some pretty amazing things, just by looking at the pieces and then deciding what he wants to make. This first started when he was four and built a tyrannasaurus rex out of his duplo blocks.

I keep hoping that he continues to be the great son that he is. In many ways it is very spoiling for me because he is such a good teenager. Like all teenagers he has his days, but for the most part I can't complain.

It is interesting to look at his baby pictures and see how much Emmett looks like him. There are a few pictures where he looks like Jeffrey. This is especially interesting because everyone, on both sides of the family thought Emmett was his own look and didn't look anything like any of the other kids. I always just thought you could see more of my side of the family in him, where the other kids just looked a lot like Shane's side of the family.

Where were you...

My son came home today from school and asked me where I was when the towers got hit in NYC. We talked about it. He was almost one when it happened. My other kids hadn't been born yet. I'm glad it's something they discussed at school. I'm glad they felt it was important enough to remember and talk about with the students. My son's class watched a documentary by NOVA about how it was possible for the twin towers to collapse and fall down. My daughter's class talked about one of the airplanes and how ordinary people became heroes that day because of what they did.

I was sitting here thinking about how one of my friends described it as "our generation's day of infamy."

It got me thinking about other things that I remember happening...

The Challenger space shuttle blowing up...

The Berlin wall  being torn down...

Columbine...

It's interesting to reflect and see the impact these things have on our lives.

I hope we always remember. I know I will.

Busy busy

It has been a busy time this past week!

Jeffrey turned three, Harrison and Hazel started school, Emmett got an ear infection, and the county fair is happening! It makes me glad that Harrison and Hazel don't raise animals for the fair, or my definition of busy would have just gotten expanded. :)

Hazel is so excited to be in 5th grade. I think she has been waiting for this for two years, because now she gets to play the violin! The school my kids go to has an orchestra program that starts in the 5th grade. (I personally, cannot believe that she is in 5th grade!! Where did the time go?!)

Harrison is in 8th grade now! Wowza! He is still playing the viola, but this year, if he can practice really hard and learn the solo I picked out for him in the next two weeks, he wants to be in the local chamber youth orchestra. Our area has two youth programs. The youth chamber orchestra, for middle school/junior high aged kids, and the youth symphony, for high school kids. I have a feeling we will be involved with these groups for a while. I am grateful really, because it is so good to have programs like this available!

Jeffrey was so funny on his birthday. Every time we tried to sing to him, he would cover his face. Then, we had gotten a small cake to celebrate with, and Shane was holding it with one hand, and it fell over onto the floor. I was glad that we hadn't lit the candles yet, and that it was a smaller, fairly inexpensive cake. Apparently that cake really had issues with being dropped, because more pieces dropped when we would try to put them on plates. It was quite hilarious.

Poor little Emmett started having a runny eye a few days ago, and we decided it was time to take him to the doctor. I am glad we did! He has an ear infection. If he hadn't had a runny eye along with the changes inside his ear, they probably would have waited to see if it improved or got worse, but since he did, and his eye was running, and you could just tell he felt terrible, the doctor felt that antibiotics were a good idea at this point. So, hopefully he will start to feel better soon!

Now we've still got to go to the fair to see how our entries did.

For a week that is barely have over....it feels like it's been a complete week!

Surgery

Jeffrey is scheduled for another surgery. This will make number two for him. Our other kids (not including Emmett) had each had a surgery by this point in time, but for getting tubes in their ears. Jeffrey decides to be more interesting and have odd cysts form.

The first surgery was on his eyebrow about a year ago. Everyone started asking me if he had a black eye, and that was when I realized there really was a cyst there. He has deep set eyes anyway, but the cyst really made it look like he had run into something or someone had hit him.

He was young, but the cyst had gotten bigger, and you don't want that to affect their eyesight, so that was one big reason why we had it removed.

Then, about a month ago, he had a cold virus. He was really sick, complaining about his tummy, and that had me worried, because he was also throwing up for more than a day, and lethargic. The pediatrician was concerned about him as well, and even had me watching for certain things to rule out appendicitis. (Our family has a tendency to get appendicitis, especially juvenile.) Thankfully, it wasn't appendicitis.

Anyway, when I took Emmett for his 15 month checkup it happened to be the day after all of that, and the pediatrician wanted me to bring him in for a follow up since I was coming in anyway. Jeffrey was feeling much better, but still not 100%. That is one thing about kids with lots of energy, you ALWAYS know when they don't feel well, because they stop moving!

While we were there, Jeffrey was being silly and sitting on the floor and he stretched his neck. That is when I really noticed a lump in the hollow of his neck (or sternal notch, if you want to get technical). The pediatrician felt it, and said to watch it for a week, and if it was still there after a week, he wanted to see him again, because if it was still there, he would need to be seen by a general surgeon.

It was still there, so off to the general surgeon we went. The general surgeon told us that normally, on an adult he would biopsy it and see if it was something to be worried about, but on a child as young as Jeffrey, it's safer to just remove it surgically. (I agreed with him 100%). He told us he felt that it was something that should be removed, because of the location and size. At this point in time, they suspect that it is a lymph node, but they won't really know until it is removed and tested. Because they suspect it is a lymph node, that is another reason they feel it should be removed, because there is the possibility of it getting larger and obstructing his airway if he ever got sick and the lymph node became inflamed.

I did ask the doctor if it was possible that Jeffrey is prone to getting these types of cysts. He told me that considering his history, it is possible. So, it could be a lymph node, but it could be a cyst. The same type of cyst that he had before, but in a different location.

Never a dull moment in our home!

Another thing to think about....

I feel like all things medical have come to a head this year. Well, I guess this has just been the year for them to become a real thing to worry about. Of course, I tend to have medical things every year. Hmmm.... I was hoping this year would be different, but it's not heading out that way.

So, back when Hazel was a littlie, she didn't want to walk. In fact, she didn't show any desire or inclination until she was about 16 months old. I remember specifically talking to the pediatrician about it, but at that point in time they weren't too concerned about it.

Shortly after that conversation, she started walking. It was always somewhat of a struggle though. Then, unlike most little kids that go quickly from walking to running, she never really did. I remember watching her and wondering about it, but then just figured it might be something she would grow out of. Still, walking and running have always been something that have been hard for her.

Well, now she's 10. She still has an interesting gait to her walk, and her run is...unique to say the least. These in an of themselves aren't the concern, its HOW she walks, and HOW she runs. I can't describe it...but I'll try... imagine trying to run without using your hips. You stiffen your hip joint and use the rest of your leg. For those in dance, color guard, etc...it is described as a jazz run. That is what she does.

So, she has an appointment with the pediatrician to get a referral to a specialist, so we can see if there is something wrong, preventing her from using her entire leg the way she should, or it it's just the way she is.

Worst case scenario, it will be something she has to have surgery to fix...best case scenario, it will be nothing but the worry of an overattentive mother. :)

A Reminder That I'm Not Perfect

So, yesterday was a blah day. At the time I thought I was just bummed about all the health things going on in my life right now, but later in the day, I realized that I was probably dealing with female hormones. Sweet!

Still, add in crazy energetic two-year-old and especially needy "I have a cold" one year old... yeah, I pretty much failed yesterday.

I wasn't feeling very nice, or kind, or motherly, and I didn't really behave that way either. Enough so, that I had a major talk with myself about how the way I was behaving was NOT ACCEPTABLE and not how I wanted to be.

I received a teeny little vindication when Shane tried really hard to not lose it when Jeffrey and Emmett acted the same way for him as they had been for me all day long. Still, it didn't excuse my behavior.

Today has been much better, because I focused more on being the way I should be, and not raising my voice, or getting upset for whatever thing Jeffrey decided to get into.

Whenever I am thinking the kids are out of control, I have to think about how I am behaving. Is my behavior helping them behave better? Or am I just making matters worse? In my experience, getting upset never helps, it seems to always make matters worse. Then everyone ends up feeling terrible and awful and what a yucky atmosphere to be in.

I am glad today has been better. It is definitely a motivator to me to be more positive and happy and to not dwell on negative things, or things that I can't change.

The Important Things

This past week I have been contemplating a lot about what I listened to and watched of General Conference. It was like a feast that took me a while to fully digest. I'm sure I will learn even more when my Ensign comes and I can read the talks again.

The main talk that stood out for me, and there were many great ones and so much to learn, was a talk given by Linda S Reeves who is the current 2nd counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency. Ironically, it wasn't the main topic that caught me...which was the importance of protecting our families from pornography...it was the importance of having a Christ centered home.

How can we do this in our homes? Some of you have heard me tell how overwhelmed my husband, Mel, and I felt as the parents of four young children. As we faced the challenges of parenting and keeping up with the demands of life, we were desperate for help. We prayed and pleaded to know what to do. The answer that came was clear: “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”

Did you notice that last phrase? The ONLY things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.

Now, I realize that this is to be taken in context, but for me this was huge. HUGE. My whole marriage I have felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to because my house was a mess, laundry is never completed, there's crumbs on the floor, and an assortment of toys, blankets, shoes, etc... everywhere. (Never because of Shane, this was my own feeling). I felt like if I was the wife and mother I should be, my house would be spotless like a magazine. For some women, this is doable. For me, I get tired of always cleaning, the neverending chores, and too frequently find myself distracted by a book. Then, feeling guilty, the messiness at times becomes too much, and I would find myself overwhelmed by an unending task.

So, hearing that, I thought, okay, read the scriptures, pray, and family home evening. These are things I can do. These are things that are vital to a Christ centered home. If I focus on these things, the other things will come.

That has become my goals for the year. Read the scriptures nightly as a family. Family prayer in the morning and evening. Weekly family home evening. I know I am repeating myself, but these three simple things, are things that we have always struggled to do. I realize that this is because they are important! If they aren't a priority, SOMETHING will come or happen or take place to prevent you from doing it.

Even in this past week, I have noticed that every night, EVERY NIGHT, we have been reading scriptures, and the phone that has been silent all day, will ring. It's been uncanny! Still, we have pressed on. It has been good. Our older kids love it, and our younger ones like being around everyone, and already I have noticed a change in the environment.

I have felt more motivated to work on the house, but even more, I have not worried about if the house is spotless. I find myself spending more time with my kids and enjoying them. I find myself not getting stressed about the little things. I find my mind and thoughts changing.

A Child's Perspective

I often wonder what my kids will think about their childhoods when they are adults. Will they remember being happy and having fun times? Will it be filled with sadness and anger or frustration?

Lately, I've been wondering if they will have wished we had taken them to Disneyland.

I remember a few years back, feeling really bummed that we didn't have the money to take our kids to Disneyland. I had gone a few times when I was growing up, and a part of me wanted that for my kids too. After talking to my sister-in-law though, I didn't feel so bad. She told me, not every family has to be a family that goes to Disneyland. Make memories without it.

So I have.

A lot of our focus has been having fun, but not breaking the bank to do it. After talking to my kids I like to think we are succeeding on a certain level.

I always try to remember that what my kids think and remember, won't be what I remember. I asked them recently what their all time favorite thing we did as a family was. Harrison told me that he loves that we spend time together as a family, all the time, and that we do lots of things together. Hazel told me, she loved it when we watched Back to the Future together. I think we also bought dinner that night from McDonald's and ate it while we watched the movie. That's it!

Remembering a trip we took with Harrison and Hazel about 4 years ago, it didn't surprise me. We went to Salt Lake City, which isn't that far away from us. We bought city passes and went to all the museums and stayed in a fairly inexpensive hotel with an amazing breakfast buffet. I remembered then, asking my kids what they're favorite part was... swimming in the pool at the hotel and eating at Outback Steakhouse.

I began to realize that, honestly, kids don't really care where we take them, as long as they have fun, and feel loved. They just want to spend time together as a family.

My happy boy is back...mostly...

So, while I am going to include more spiritual things, I still think it's good to have other things written about too.

I was reading some entries that I had written throughout the past year, and came across some where I had written about Jeffrey and the struggle that we had after Emmett was born. I still think he seriously felt abandoned. I feel bad about that sometimes, but I also know that at that point in time there was nothing else we could do but let my mother in law and sister in law take care of him, and what a blessing it was that they could.

Anyway, after he came back home, he struggled. I could tell that it wasn't the baby. He was feeling some pretty confusing emotions toward Shane and I that he couldn't and didn't know how to deal with, so he dealt with them the way that little kids do. He cried. He also wouldn't come to me. I just had to get used to the fact that he wasn't going to come to me or let me hold him for who knew how long.

Well, fast forward to a month or so ago. I was holding Emmett in the recliner, and there was Jeffrey. He wanted to sit by me too. I was seriously in shock! Of course I made room for him! As time has progressed, he wants to spend more time with me. A couple of times last week he wanted only me to hold him and snuggle with him, even though Shane was right there in the room.

This was pretty refreshing to me, never mind amazing. I had just stopped even thinking about what it used to be like, and just accepted the way things were. I told Shane that I felt like Jeffrey had finally forgiven me for all he had to go through right before Emmett was born. I know how weird that sounds, but I really feel like it's true.

He is still curious, still gets into everything, still has a hard time listening when we tell him not to do something...like all toddlers... but this, wanting us to hold him, cuddle with him, share our time with him, this is just amazing, and I am so happy about it!