Healing Chakras, Energy Work, and Foot Zoning

Ever since I had Emmett and Jeffrey returned home after spending a few weeks with his grandma, (when I was on "stay in bed or else" bed rest) I knew something had changed. I knew in my heart that Jeffrey had been emotionally traumatized. Gone was the happy, sweet, content, and trusting little boy, and in return we had a scared, frightened little child that felt abandoned, confused, and betrayed.

It took a year before he would even sit by me. I also knew his problem wasn't Emmett. He adored Emmett.

So, for the last few years we have dealt with this. Social anxiety, non verbal, uncooperative, non compliant, etc... We had him enrolled at a local early learning center preschool for two years that specialized in treating children with special needs. He was making a lot of improvements, but still really struggled in social situations at home and elsewhere.

Since his birthday is in August he could no longer go to the early learning center. So, we enrolled him in kindergarten. The first week went about as we expected. Terrible. I was really struggling emotionally, and Shane made the comment to me, "Maybe there are some chakras you need to clear." I agreed that was probably the case, and then it hit me... JEFFREY probably had chakras that needed to clear.

So, I worked on it. I got all his chakras to clear except for his heart chakra. This didn't surprise me because I knew that's where he was probably hanging on to all his trauma experiences.

This led to me getting foot zoned for him. Along with the foot zoning came energy work.

The result?

We have Jeffrey back. Oh my do we have him back! Today we went to get the oil changed in our car, and he just randomly said "Hi" to the guy at the service counter. This would NEVER have happened before. He is so much more content, and a little chatterbox. Of course he still has his emotional moments, I mean, he is five. He is such a happier and more content five. He willingly goes to kindergarten. He WANTS to go. The other day he made me get him dressed in his school clothes as soon as he got up, and he has afternoon kindergarten.

If I ever wondered if all this alternative technique was something that was just in my head, this alone would have made me a believer.

Time

It's been a while since I last posted on here. Life has been busy! My two littles are like energetic puppies. I was raised with five brothers, so I am familiar with boys, but man, these two...they make me tired just watching them! Crawling, jumping, climbing, tumbling, tugging, pulling, in, out, up, through...and don't forget the wrestling! Constant wrestling! I'm surprised one of them hasn't gotten injured or broken a bone yet. (cross fingers it doesn't happen any time soon!!)

Harrison has now been busy doing his online school/regular school mix for a few months, and I think he is really enjoying it. It seems to be a good mix for him. He is doing really well keeping up with his online school work, and he works very hard and diligently at it. Then he has orchestra at the regular school, and seminary, and he is really enjoying those too. It makes me happy to see him liking school and doing great at it.

Hazel we are still trying to help her catch up, but she is getting there. I am glad she has the teacher she does. I really like her, and she does a good job, and she is very understanding and empathetic to Hazel's needs. It's just right for Hazel.

Jeffrey, boy Jeffrey has just done a total turn around! He is talking more, interacting in conversations, wants to read books, count, say colors, it is just thrilling and amazing and makes my heart happy! The doctor checked out his ears and throat the other day, and Jeffrey interacted with him! Our pediatrician always makes little bird chirps when he looks in little kids' ears and when he did it this time, Jeffrey looked at him and said, "There's a BIRD in my EAR!!!" It was so cute! It makes me smile just writing it!

Emmett is so super smart! He already counts to ten. I'm sure he doesn't understand the significence of it yet, but it just amazes me that he does it! He also recognizes a few sight words (very few) and letters. He's just fun, and crazy! I love him though. I love them all. It's not that it's super easy and all just smooth sailing, but being a parent is very rewarding.

So, now onto the other stuff...

I have a growth on my jawline. I know. Eww.. I had it checked today by a surgeon, and it will need to be removed. So, there may be a small surgery in my future. My doctor said it looked like a sebaceous cyst. The reason it needs to be removed is it has grown like crazy the last six months, from being the size of a pencil tip eraser, to more like a big marble (the big steelys). It's also infected and not a happy sebaceous cyst, which also points towards it needing to be removed. I'm supposed to have an ultrasound on it so they can see all the structures and make sure it doesn't involve any facial nerves, large blood vessels, etc... so, hopefully that will be all okay and no problemo... praying for good outcomes on that one.

There are other intriguing things going on that I can't write about yet. So...I may write about it next time. We'll see.

School is in session...kind of...

Hazel started school this week. This is a week earlier than they started last year, and last year they started a week earlier than the year before that. So...yeah. Still, they get out for summer about a week before everyone else. BEFORE memorial day so that will be new for us.

Harrison's main school starts on Wednesday next week, and then the school he takes orchestra at and seminary will start on the 31st. He's actually been working on one of the classes this week because it is self paced and if he can get it completed before the school semester starts he won't have to do work from that class because it will already be passed off.

Jeffrey starts preschool on the 31st. His teacher came to visit just to meet him. He hid behind the recliner. That's his spot. His teacher from the year before came too, and she mentioned to me that he also had a spot in the classroom that he liked to go to. I guess he likes to have a safe spot where he feels in control. :) He will be going to school four days this year. If it is too overwhelming for him they will back it down to three and then try to get it up to four. I really didn't ever want him to start kindergarten right after he turned five, because he would be the youngest in the grade. I just didn't think that would be a good thing. I still don't. I am going to use all my parental power to have him go to preschool another year.

I was pretty impressed that all the kid's school holidays are pretty evenly lined up except for spring break. Harrison's main school is off for spring break one week before the other schools in our family. Still, we may be able to work it so he does his school work that week and then takes the next week off when his orchestra and seminary will be having spring break. That's the cool thing about online school.

It's going to be a busy year!

Time Goes By

There has been a lot on my mind lately. So many things, that I honestly don't think that I could just pinpoint it down to one thing. Still, every time I would come to my blog and think I should write something, it just wouldn't happen. Either I was too emotional and the words wouldn't come right, or I would have some kind of just, blank, where there was literally nothing that I wanted to write about.

I have this desire to write something profound, and yet, it's just not there right now.

Then, today I noticed that it has been almost a month since I had posted on here, so regardless of my mindset and feelings, I figured it was time to just write something.

The school year is winding quickly down to an end. Harrison will be leaving the charter school this year, and that just blows me away. If things were now the way they were when I was 14, he would be starting high school. As it is, he will be in high school at his online school, and middle school for his orchestra and seminary classes.

That's the other good thing. Everything is all worked out so he can be in orchestra! YES!

I hope it will be  a good experience all around, and I have a feeling it will.

Hazel will be at the charter school still. I briefly talked to her about whether she wanted to go to the intermediate school next year, but she told me no. I like the charter school, so that doesn't bother me at all.

Jeffrey will still be going to the Early Learning Center next year. That's another thing that I just don't think about. In some ways, I can't think about it, because at this point there isn't a whole lot I can do, and the options just aren't there.

Jeffrey qualifies for the ELC which means he has some learning concerns. I guess what I mean by that, is he has some autistic leanings and his behavior is a big part of why he qualifies. I know that they have been working really hard with him on being more willing to listen to the teacher and be with the group. He is much more content playing on his own and doing his own thing and he doesn't like to cooperate. I know people don't really understand that unless they are around him.

When I first tell people that, they just look at me and sometimes say, "Well, he's three, all three year old's act like that." They're right, it is a common behavior with a three year old, however, there's a range of "normalcy" and he definitely falls to the more defiant/autistic side, many times to the point where he will not cooperate no matter what and then will have a mega meltdown. A lot of this behavior has improved, but it is still there. It definitely acts up when his routine is changed. So, we try to prepare him when we are going on trips, or church, or anything. Sometimes it helps. A lot of times it doesn't.

Anyway, Jeffrey's birthday falls within the school year deadline by a week or so. As soon as he was born I always planned on not sending him to kindergarten until he turned six. I just felt like it would be a better thing. I didn't want him being the youngest in his grade. Well, since he is going to the ELC and it is run by the school district, if I want him to continue getting speech therapy and other services, I would have to send him to kindergarten when he turns five. He can't go to the ELC for three years. So, it is a trick to try and figure out what the best thing for him will be, and whether it would be better to have him in a regular preschool for a year when he is five and then put him back into school when he turns six. I also don't know if it would be better to put him in regular public school or the charter school. I know they have speech therapy and special ed at the charter school, but I don't know how good it is. I guess we will just have to see! It is also about that time that we will have to decide if we want him tested for autism or not. Something to look forward to figuring out!

So, at this point I am just trying to take it a day at a time. Don't sweat the small stuff. Look at the bigger picture. Be positive and don't focus on all the dark unknowns.

Most of the time I can do this. :)

My CMT has been really acting up the past month. Where my fingers were just super mildy numb... it has gotten worse. (No guys, it's not carpal tunnel syndrome. In fact, if I had that surgery done, it would make my condition a million times worse.) I have a harder time keeping a grip on things. I've been dropping things a lot. Of course, my feet have been affected as well. I have been tripping more and losing my balance. It's a little disconcerting at times, and I just have to breathe and be glad at the things that I can do.

I did get my flowers all planted though, and I'm glad that I did. They are so pretty and beautiful and it just makes me smile to see them. I planted geraniums in my window boxes. Geraniums were just meant for window boxes! They love it! I love it too. I love opening my blinds and seeing these big beautiful blooms of color with gorgeous green leaves. It just starts me off on having a good day.

Broken

I feel broken. That is the best way to describe it. After weeks of healing and feeling better and not really feeling terrible or emotionally unstable for the most part...I feel broken.

I don't know why.

Is it because I feel like I am seriously flubbing as a mom? Maybe.

Is it because, I wonder what it would be like for once to have a child who didn't take constant parenting? (And by constant, I mean, you always have to be watching and helping and making sure they don't somehow figure out how to burn the house down.) It's possible.

All I know, is I went to church yesterday, and Jeffrey behaved like he normally does. Some Sundays are better than others. Sometimes, we can get him to stay in the chapel for 20 minutes before he has a complete meltdown, a week ago he almost made it the whole meeting (which is so unusual I wondered if he was feeling well.) Yesterday I think he lasted about 5 minutes. Well, it only felt like five minutes. Usually he will at least last until the sacrament portion is done.

We usually sit in the middle. Another family usually sits on the other end of our pew. Jeffrey decided that going past the other family was the perfect way to get out. He was right. They even moved their legs to let him by. This of course all happened right during the sacrament when there was no way we could get him or chase him. Thankfully someone who sits farther back got him and took him out of the chapel. I am so grateful to them!

At first I was in shock that they just let him go by. Then the internal conversation in my head began. What did I expect? He's not their kid. I guess I figured there was some unwritten parent code. I know if I had the same thing happen to me, I wouldn't just let their kid go by me.

And apparently this just broke the dam inside me. The dam of feeling like I am the most ineffective mom ever. Feeling like I missed the class on How to be a Good Mom when I was in heaven. Wondering if I have it in me to parent and monitor and be effective to another child who has learning issues. (What are my alternatives really? It's not like I'm just going to give up on him!)

And then just wondering, what it would be like to have a child who just sits there obediently. At this stage in their life, I have no idea what that would be like.

I've been crying a lot.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to come back from it. How to not be broken anymore and have the strength I need. Only one person can give that to me. I know I need to turn this over to the Lord. I can't be successful otherwise.

Back to the ELC

ELC means Early Learning Center. Back when Hazel turned three I had her evaluated because she wouldn't talk. She wouldn't talk to the point where she'd get mad and frustrated because we couldn't understand her. She also struggled with large motor skills, playing with others, and learning. I was so glad she qualified (which is easy to do when you refuse to answer the evaluator's questions. I remember her just sitting there with a blank look on her face...). Once she was in the program she only qualified of for about six months and then she had caught up to her age level. We kept her in the program as a mainstream student, but then it was like any other preschool where you have to pay. Still, it was good for her.

Well, now it is Jeffrey's turn. Jeffrey struggles with his speech, like Hazel, except his is more in articulation. It is very difficult to understand him when he speaks a lot of the time. There are some phrases that you can understand, but otherwise...no. Jeffrey, unlike my other children, is extremely strong willed. I used to think I knew what strong willed kids were like, because my other kids definitely have their stubborn streak, but Jeffrey is strong willed to the point of defiance. If it isn't his choice to do something, there is NO WAY he will do it. NO WAY. If you try to force him, it is BAD NEWS and he will have a complete meltdown.

This has made it almost impossible to have him potty trained. He doesn't like to model behaviors, or repeat, or copy, which are all things that little kids do to help them learn emotion, and how to react to things. He doesn't like it when I try to teach him things or point out shapes or colors or clouds or nature or anything. It is very difficult to get him to cooperate.

When Jeffrey was tested, Shane went with me. I was glad about this because Jeffrey didn't want to go with the evaluator. At first Shane asked him, would you like to go if I go with you? Of course he said, No. I told Shane that we needed to give him acceptable options. (Love and Logic has taught me something...and works the best when trying to deal with Jeffrey, but not all the time.) So, instead, I asked Jeffrey if he wanted walk with daddy or if he wanted daddy to carry him. Two acceptable choices, but either way, he was going to go get evaluated. He chose to have Shane carry him.

Shane told me afterward that Jeffrey was actually doing really well when he was being tested, but that he only lasted through about half of the first test before he had a complete meltdown. What you have to remember is that this is a preschool program that specializes in early intervention and teaching kids with special needs, so they see behaviors of all kinds of kids all the time.

Anyway, since he only made it through half of the test, and because of the other issues he has, he qualified for the program. I think an important thing in teaching Jeffrey will be to help him realize that even if people are telling him things that he needs to do, like asking what is on a picture, he is still in control. It is okay. I am hoping that this will help him so that when he is old enough to be in kindergarten he will be able to go and not have it be a difficult experience for him.

So, we will get called to set up an IEP (individualized education plan) sometime in the next week, and then Jeffrey will start preschool after that. I am excited for him because I think it will be really helpful for him to have help working on these things. I am also hoping that by being with other young kids that he will want to start potty training because he will be with kids who are potty trained. I guess we'll see!