I feel broken. That is the best way to describe it. After weeks of healing and feeling better and not really feeling terrible or emotionally unstable for the most part...I feel broken.
I don't know why.
Is it because I feel like I am seriously flubbing as a mom? Maybe.
Is it because, I wonder what it would be like for once to have a child who didn't take constant parenting? (And by constant, I mean, you always have to be watching and helping and making sure they don't somehow figure out how to burn the house down.) It's possible.
All I know, is I went to church yesterday, and Jeffrey behaved like he normally does. Some Sundays are better than others. Sometimes, we can get him to stay in the chapel for 20 minutes before he has a complete meltdown, a week ago he almost made it the whole meeting (which is so unusual I wondered if he was feeling well.) Yesterday I think he lasted about 5 minutes. Well, it only felt like five minutes. Usually he will at least last until the sacrament portion is done.
We usually sit in the middle. Another family usually sits on the other end of our pew. Jeffrey decided that going past the other family was the perfect way to get out. He was right. They even moved their legs to let him by. This of course all happened right during the sacrament when there was no way we could get him or chase him. Thankfully someone who sits farther back got him and took him out of the chapel. I am so grateful to them!
At first I was in shock that they just let him go by. Then the internal conversation in my head began. What did I expect? He's not their kid. I guess I figured there was some unwritten parent code. I know if I had the same thing happen to me, I wouldn't just let their kid go by me.
And apparently this just broke the dam inside me. The dam of feeling like I am the most ineffective mom ever. Feeling like I missed the class on How to be a Good Mom when I was in heaven. Wondering if I have it in me to parent and monitor and be effective to another child who has learning issues. (What are my alternatives really? It's not like I'm just going to give up on him!)
And then just wondering, what it would be like to have a child who just sits there obediently. At this stage in their life, I have no idea what that would be like.
I've been crying a lot.
Now I'm trying to figure out how to come back from it. How to not be broken anymore and have the strength I need. Only one person can give that to me. I know I need to turn this over to the Lord. I can't be successful otherwise.
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Monday, November 17, 2014
Saturday, February 8, 2014
My happy boy is back...mostly...
So, while I am going to include more spiritual things, I still think it's good to have other things written about too.
I was reading some entries that I had written throughout the past year, and came across some where I had written about Jeffrey and the struggle that we had after Emmett was born. I still think he seriously felt abandoned. I feel bad about that sometimes, but I also know that at that point in time there was nothing else we could do but let my mother in law and sister in law take care of him, and what a blessing it was that they could.
Anyway, after he came back home, he struggled. I could tell that it wasn't the baby. He was feeling some pretty confusing emotions toward Shane and I that he couldn't and didn't know how to deal with, so he dealt with them the way that little kids do. He cried. He also wouldn't come to me. I just had to get used to the fact that he wasn't going to come to me or let me hold him for who knew how long.
Well, fast forward to a month or so ago. I was holding Emmett in the recliner, and there was Jeffrey. He wanted to sit by me too. I was seriously in shock! Of course I made room for him! As time has progressed, he wants to spend more time with me. A couple of times last week he wanted only me to hold him and snuggle with him, even though Shane was right there in the room.
This was pretty refreshing to me, never mind amazing. I had just stopped even thinking about what it used to be like, and just accepted the way things were. I told Shane that I felt like Jeffrey had finally forgiven me for all he had to go through right before Emmett was born. I know how weird that sounds, but I really feel like it's true.
He is still curious, still gets into everything, still has a hard time listening when we tell him not to do something...like all toddlers... but this, wanting us to hold him, cuddle with him, share our time with him, this is just amazing, and I am so happy about it!
I was reading some entries that I had written throughout the past year, and came across some where I had written about Jeffrey and the struggle that we had after Emmett was born. I still think he seriously felt abandoned. I feel bad about that sometimes, but I also know that at that point in time there was nothing else we could do but let my mother in law and sister in law take care of him, and what a blessing it was that they could.
Anyway, after he came back home, he struggled. I could tell that it wasn't the baby. He was feeling some pretty confusing emotions toward Shane and I that he couldn't and didn't know how to deal with, so he dealt with them the way that little kids do. He cried. He also wouldn't come to me. I just had to get used to the fact that he wasn't going to come to me or let me hold him for who knew how long.
Well, fast forward to a month or so ago. I was holding Emmett in the recliner, and there was Jeffrey. He wanted to sit by me too. I was seriously in shock! Of course I made room for him! As time has progressed, he wants to spend more time with me. A couple of times last week he wanted only me to hold him and snuggle with him, even though Shane was right there in the room.
This was pretty refreshing to me, never mind amazing. I had just stopped even thinking about what it used to be like, and just accepted the way things were. I told Shane that I felt like Jeffrey had finally forgiven me for all he had to go through right before Emmett was born. I know how weird that sounds, but I really feel like it's true.
He is still curious, still gets into everything, still has a hard time listening when we tell him not to do something...like all toddlers... but this, wanting us to hold him, cuddle with him, share our time with him, this is just amazing, and I am so happy about it!
Monday, January 6, 2014
Changes II
Well, it has been a few days since Friday...and...wow. After Emmett realized that he wasn't going to be sleeping anymore with me, he started waking up every hour. EVERY HOUR. I looked. It helped me realize a few things... one, he was used to sleeping with me, and two, it was a habit. Not a horrible thing, but seriously.
Jeffrey, successfully slept in his new bed one night. ONE. The next two nights he decided it was more fun to play and turn on all the lights and make messes while everyone else was sleeping. Since I was awake anyway...last night I put him back in his crib since Emmett wasn't using it. I had lost my resolve on that one. That and I was the only adult at home so it was hard to be strong emotionally. Plus it was almost one in the morning.
So, Jeffrey finally fell asleep in the crib, and Emmett still woke up EVERY HOUR even though he was sleeping with me.
A few weeks ago my mom had told me she would help care for Emmett when I was ready to start weaning him. Well...after this weekend, I was ready! So, she is watching him today and tonight and bringing him back tomorrow. I don't know how much change that will cause, but it's a start I suppose.
Now to figure out how to keep Jeffrey in his bed without keeping Harrison up all night. ;)
Jeffrey, successfully slept in his new bed one night. ONE. The next two nights he decided it was more fun to play and turn on all the lights and make messes while everyone else was sleeping. Since I was awake anyway...last night I put him back in his crib since Emmett wasn't using it. I had lost my resolve on that one. That and I was the only adult at home so it was hard to be strong emotionally. Plus it was almost one in the morning.
So, Jeffrey finally fell asleep in the crib, and Emmett still woke up EVERY HOUR even though he was sleeping with me.
A few weeks ago my mom had told me she would help care for Emmett when I was ready to start weaning him. Well...after this weekend, I was ready! So, she is watching him today and tonight and bringing him back tomorrow. I don't know how much change that will cause, but it's a start I suppose.
Now to figure out how to keep Jeffrey in his bed without keeping Harrison up all night. ;)
Friday, January 3, 2014
Changes
Tonight is going to be an interesting night. It will be good though...and hopefully not long and restless...we shall see!
Now that I have you thoroughly confused, I will explain.
So, way back before Emmett was born we bought a 2nd crib. We had every intention of having it put together and ready for use before he was born. We ran into a snag though...WHERE would we put it? We couldn't figure it out, and then Emmett was born, Jeffrey was still sleeping in the office/nursery, Emmett was sleeping by me because I was nursing him, and it just got put on the backburner.
Well, as the year has progressed, it has become more and more apparent that we needed to figure something out.
Then as I took Emmett to more of his well-checks, it became apparent that things needed to change.
This last time, I had to take him in for a weight check because he wasn't gaining anything. Yes, he had been sick, but he had gained NOTHING over a three month period. Not good for a baby that was now nine months old!
We were encouraged to feed him more solid foods, supplement with formula that would help give him complete nutrition, and cut back on the times he was breastfed. He was also supposed to begin to sleep through the night.
Well, that was complicated when his bed was the pack n play in our room and he knew I was about three feet away from him and could hold him and he could eat. At nine months he was still waking up 2-3 times in the night, if not more.
So, when we went in for his weight check today, talked about it with the pediatrician, and he told me when I was ready, that I really needed to try and get Emmett sleeping through the night. Also, that he should really only be nursing three times a day now TOTAL.
On the plus side though, he had gained enough weight that the pediatrician was happy with his progress and told me to keep doing what we were doing.
So, I came home and told Shane it was time to put the other crib together as a toddler bed for Jeffrey (which had been part of the plan from the get go) put it in Harrison's room, and start putting Emmett to bed in the crib outside our room.
Things have been going pretty well. Jeffrey has only woken up once. He was so happy about his toddler bed, that initially, he put himself to bed at first tonight. After he woke up we gave him the option to sleep where he wanted, and again he picked the toddler bed in Harrison's room. Emmett slept for about an hour and woke up. I fed him again until he was asleep, put him back in the crib, and so far he is still sleeping.
Now I need to go to bed! Hopefully, this will be a good transition for Emmett, and he will start to sleep longer. We shall see!
Now that I have you thoroughly confused, I will explain.
So, way back before Emmett was born we bought a 2nd crib. We had every intention of having it put together and ready for use before he was born. We ran into a snag though...WHERE would we put it? We couldn't figure it out, and then Emmett was born, Jeffrey was still sleeping in the office/nursery, Emmett was sleeping by me because I was nursing him, and it just got put on the backburner.
Well, as the year has progressed, it has become more and more apparent that we needed to figure something out.
Then as I took Emmett to more of his well-checks, it became apparent that things needed to change.
This last time, I had to take him in for a weight check because he wasn't gaining anything. Yes, he had been sick, but he had gained NOTHING over a three month period. Not good for a baby that was now nine months old!
We were encouraged to feed him more solid foods, supplement with formula that would help give him complete nutrition, and cut back on the times he was breastfed. He was also supposed to begin to sleep through the night.
Well, that was complicated when his bed was the pack n play in our room and he knew I was about three feet away from him and could hold him and he could eat. At nine months he was still waking up 2-3 times in the night, if not more.
So, when we went in for his weight check today, talked about it with the pediatrician, and he told me when I was ready, that I really needed to try and get Emmett sleeping through the night. Also, that he should really only be nursing three times a day now TOTAL.
On the plus side though, he had gained enough weight that the pediatrician was happy with his progress and told me to keep doing what we were doing.
So, I came home and told Shane it was time to put the other crib together as a toddler bed for Jeffrey (which had been part of the plan from the get go) put it in Harrison's room, and start putting Emmett to bed in the crib outside our room.
Things have been going pretty well. Jeffrey has only woken up once. He was so happy about his toddler bed, that initially, he put himself to bed at first tonight. After he woke up we gave him the option to sleep where he wanted, and again he picked the toddler bed in Harrison's room. Emmett slept for about an hour and woke up. I fed him again until he was asleep, put him back in the crib, and so far he is still sleeping.
Now I need to go to bed! Hopefully, this will be a good transition for Emmett, and he will start to sleep longer. We shall see!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Signs
It's been a long, although mostly enjoyable day. I was going to write a really profound and deep post yesterday, but then I didn't, and now, I can't even remember the topic I was going to write about.
I would chalk this up to me being ornery. I don't know if I'm ornery because I never get good sleep anymore...and it finally caught up to me today, or if it's just being a female and dealing with hormone fluctuations... I don't know, but I know that if I was someone else, I wouldn't want to be around me. So, of course that's a sign to me that I need to CHILL OUT and change my attitude.
So, I've been trying. It hasn't been very successful so far.
This probably has something to do with my 2 year old, whom I dearly love, but who is definitely NOT a morning person, and I had to wake him up before he woke up on his own this morning, and WOW, yeah, it was pretty bad. Of course, when I really think about it, he is just behaving the way deep down inside I wish I could behave right now, because I feel the same way! Even though I am a morning person.
I have slowly been trying to get Emmett used to sleeping on his own in a pack and play. We initially bought a crib, but then spent about eight months trying to figure out where we were going to put the crib, and well, it has never even been put together. New in the box. *sigh* If we move in time to use the crib, I don't know if we will. Maybe we will because it does convert to a toddler bed and we do need a toddler bed for Jeffrey, which was kind of the whole point in getting a second crib anyway... Still, a crib won't fit in our room, and that's where Emmett sleeps, so pack and play it is.
I also have one that we got for my mom (she asked) and I have it set up in our living room for when Emmett takes naps. He isn't completely going for it yet though. Most of the time he instantly wakes up and looks at me like I just did the most horrible thing. There are times where he stays asleep though, and they are becoming more frequent. So, I figure if we keep working at it eventually it will be the place where he sleeps!
And I'm still ornery... blah.
I would chalk this up to me being ornery. I don't know if I'm ornery because I never get good sleep anymore...and it finally caught up to me today, or if it's just being a female and dealing with hormone fluctuations... I don't know, but I know that if I was someone else, I wouldn't want to be around me. So, of course that's a sign to me that I need to CHILL OUT and change my attitude.
So, I've been trying. It hasn't been very successful so far.
This probably has something to do with my 2 year old, whom I dearly love, but who is definitely NOT a morning person, and I had to wake him up before he woke up on his own this morning, and WOW, yeah, it was pretty bad. Of course, when I really think about it, he is just behaving the way deep down inside I wish I could behave right now, because I feel the same way! Even though I am a morning person.
I have slowly been trying to get Emmett used to sleeping on his own in a pack and play. We initially bought a crib, but then spent about eight months trying to figure out where we were going to put the crib, and well, it has never even been put together. New in the box. *sigh* If we move in time to use the crib, I don't know if we will. Maybe we will because it does convert to a toddler bed and we do need a toddler bed for Jeffrey, which was kind of the whole point in getting a second crib anyway... Still, a crib won't fit in our room, and that's where Emmett sleeps, so pack and play it is.
I also have one that we got for my mom (she asked) and I have it set up in our living room for when Emmett takes naps. He isn't completely going for it yet though. Most of the time he instantly wakes up and looks at me like I just did the most horrible thing. There are times where he stays asleep though, and they are becoming more frequent. So, I figure if we keep working at it eventually it will be the place where he sleeps!
And I'm still ornery... blah.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
A Bunch of Little Things...
Life seems to be a little busier and a litter crazier than normal... of course it has kind of felt that way since Emmett was born. :) Still, we are very grateful he is here and a part of our family.
Anyway, the house is almost painted. The main color is on, and now we are working on trim, shutters, the second main color on the shakes and carport, and it is starting to come together and look really good! No more ghetto house!
We took Jeffrey to the pediatric plastic surgeon yesterday. It went really well, and they (we saw two doctors, probably a resident and then the doctor we had an appointment with) concurred that the bump should be removed. They didn't think anything needed to be done about his lip at this point. Then their assistant came in and we scheduled the surgery. I felt much better about this whole experience then what we dealt with, with the other doctor. Not that the other doctor was bad or anything, but we were able to ask questions, get a good idea of what was going to happen, and it was very nice. I think Shane felt better about it too.
We also went and visited my parents for a brief moment. We went and had lunch with them where they are serving their mission, and that was fun too. I got Jeffrey a sugar cookie and since he was really tired and kind of ornery by that point, the cookie was definitely a good idea. It was quite amusing to see him with a frosting mustache. My mom took a picture of him while he was eating the cookie, and I am definitely going to need a copy of that one!
This week seems to be off balance because of the holiday yesterday, and unlike most schools my kids are busy doing school projects and activities. No slowing down for them, even though school will be out for the summer on Friday!
And last but not least...Emmett is almost three months old!! He has started cooing and giggling and grinning. It is super cute. I need to take more pictures, but seriously, my camera has disappeared, and my cell phone camera has a delay on it that makes it really hard to take cool pictures!
Anyway, the house is almost painted. The main color is on, and now we are working on trim, shutters, the second main color on the shakes and carport, and it is starting to come together and look really good! No more ghetto house!
We took Jeffrey to the pediatric plastic surgeon yesterday. It went really well, and they (we saw two doctors, probably a resident and then the doctor we had an appointment with) concurred that the bump should be removed. They didn't think anything needed to be done about his lip at this point. Then their assistant came in and we scheduled the surgery. I felt much better about this whole experience then what we dealt with, with the other doctor. Not that the other doctor was bad or anything, but we were able to ask questions, get a good idea of what was going to happen, and it was very nice. I think Shane felt better about it too.
We also went and visited my parents for a brief moment. We went and had lunch with them where they are serving their mission, and that was fun too. I got Jeffrey a sugar cookie and since he was really tired and kind of ornery by that point, the cookie was definitely a good idea. It was quite amusing to see him with a frosting mustache. My mom took a picture of him while he was eating the cookie, and I am definitely going to need a copy of that one!
This week seems to be off balance because of the holiday yesterday, and unlike most schools my kids are busy doing school projects and activities. No slowing down for them, even though school will be out for the summer on Friday!
And last but not least...Emmett is almost three months old!! He has started cooing and giggling and grinning. It is super cute. I need to take more pictures, but seriously, my camera has disappeared, and my cell phone camera has a delay on it that makes it really hard to take cool pictures!
Friday, May 10, 2013
Definitely a little crazy...
Here's the crazy that has happened this week...
-Jeffrey got sick Saturday night. Then my side started hurting. Not as bad as gallbladder pain which I would rate a high ten, but bad enough to wonder what was going on and have Shane take me to the E.R. .. twice, to rule out appendicitis.
The second time we went they referred me to the general surgeon that has done surgery on me twice, which I thought was a little odd, but fine with me since he is nice and competent and willing to figure out what is going on.
Monday I still hurt so I went to my follow up appointment. I got put on an antibiotic and ibuprofen to see if we could get the pain to go away since it seemed to be in my right kidney. I was supposed to try it for two days and then let him know if it seemed improved or not. If not, then we would need to do some more tests on my kidney.
That night, Shane got SICK. I got SICK. Oh so SICK. It was AWFUL.... I could describe the details, but even in my medical mind, it's just not good. Suffice to say, I lay there thinking of the blog post I would write if I felt good enough to type, and it would have been a list... things that should not be allowed. Mom and Dad should not be allowed to be sick at the same time, because then there is no one to take care of anyone.
Tuesday morning Hazel got sick. At least we didn't make her go to school. Shane was feeling mostly better. I was having a hard time keeping even tiny, miniscule sips of pedialyte down, which suffice to say, made taking the whole antibiotic/pain reducer thing pretty near impossible. So I called his office.
We have eaten a LOT of bananas this week. It's really weird when bananas are the only thing that sound good because your body can digest them.
Wednesday, Harrison got sick, and Hazel was still recouperating. I felt good enough to start the antibiotic and ibuprofen regimen, and YAY by Thursday the pain seemed to be less. In all of this, can I just tell you how grateful and relieved I am that Emmett did NOT get this nasty little stomach bug? So very grateful.
More crazy---
The dryer stopped heating. Blah. Of course it would happen this week, when we all get sick and there's no way Shane would have time to fix it. Because, on Saturday we are supposed to repaint our house!!! Did I mention I don't know the exact color our house will be painted? I'm guessing it will be a light brownish gray color. I know that doesn't sound very appealing, but it will look cool.... I hope....
This blog entry isn't very organized... which is fitting because it has been a very long unorganized week.
The positive good crazy: Emmett started smiling. :) Jeffrey has started saying all kind of different words, but I have to admit that my favorite one, is "Memmett." Makes my heart smile every time he says it.
-Jeffrey got sick Saturday night. Then my side started hurting. Not as bad as gallbladder pain which I would rate a high ten, but bad enough to wonder what was going on and have Shane take me to the E.R. .. twice, to rule out appendicitis.
The second time we went they referred me to the general surgeon that has done surgery on me twice, which I thought was a little odd, but fine with me since he is nice and competent and willing to figure out what is going on.
Monday I still hurt so I went to my follow up appointment. I got put on an antibiotic and ibuprofen to see if we could get the pain to go away since it seemed to be in my right kidney. I was supposed to try it for two days and then let him know if it seemed improved or not. If not, then we would need to do some more tests on my kidney.
That night, Shane got SICK. I got SICK. Oh so SICK. It was AWFUL.... I could describe the details, but even in my medical mind, it's just not good. Suffice to say, I lay there thinking of the blog post I would write if I felt good enough to type, and it would have been a list... things that should not be allowed. Mom and Dad should not be allowed to be sick at the same time, because then there is no one to take care of anyone.
Tuesday morning Hazel got sick. At least we didn't make her go to school. Shane was feeling mostly better. I was having a hard time keeping even tiny, miniscule sips of pedialyte down, which suffice to say, made taking the whole antibiotic/pain reducer thing pretty near impossible. So I called his office.
We have eaten a LOT of bananas this week. It's really weird when bananas are the only thing that sound good because your body can digest them.
Wednesday, Harrison got sick, and Hazel was still recouperating. I felt good enough to start the antibiotic and ibuprofen regimen, and YAY by Thursday the pain seemed to be less. In all of this, can I just tell you how grateful and relieved I am that Emmett did NOT get this nasty little stomach bug? So very grateful.
More crazy---
The dryer stopped heating. Blah. Of course it would happen this week, when we all get sick and there's no way Shane would have time to fix it. Because, on Saturday we are supposed to repaint our house!!! Did I mention I don't know the exact color our house will be painted? I'm guessing it will be a light brownish gray color. I know that doesn't sound very appealing, but it will look cool.... I hope....
This blog entry isn't very organized... which is fitting because it has been a very long unorganized week.
The positive good crazy: Emmett started smiling. :) Jeffrey has started saying all kind of different words, but I have to admit that my favorite one, is "Memmett." Makes my heart smile every time he says it.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Happy Nappy
I have to admit that on occasion I do go over to the Duggar family website and read Michelle Duggar's blog. Her entries are usually about parenting, no surprise there since they have 19 kids! Anyway, on one of the entries she addresses what they do for the younger kids when it is nap time. I'm sure she receives oodles of parenting questions, and the nap time one is one of them.
She mentioned that they called it "happy nappy" time. I thought that was intriguing and cute, and a creative way to put a positive spin on something that kids usually don't like, and adults wish they could have more of.
The other thing I did was notice when Jeffrey typically wanted or was ready to go down for a nap, whether he knew it or not! :) His nap time is anywhere starting from 10:45, although ideally about noon, and he will sleep for 2-3 hours most times. Sunday really screws him up because our ward meets at 12:30. It makes it hard on the whole family too, because when Jeffrey doesn't get his nap...he is NOT a happy camper.
So, I started having a mild routine, where I always ask/tell him it's happy nappy time. You wouldn't think that one word would make a difference, but it does! Then I make sure he has his blanket, and his stuffed bear. He has one he prefers the most, but if it has disappeared he will make do with another stuffed bear we have. Then I lay him in his crib and tell him to have a happy nappy time. Very rarely does he cry if we do this routine. If he does cry it's on average about 1 minute. He isn't even asleep, but content.
Now if I could just figure out a positive word to add to bedtime... He used to be really good about going to bed, but nowdays.... some nights are good, some nights are not good...
She mentioned that they called it "happy nappy" time. I thought that was intriguing and cute, and a creative way to put a positive spin on something that kids usually don't like, and adults wish they could have more of.
The other thing I did was notice when Jeffrey typically wanted or was ready to go down for a nap, whether he knew it or not! :) His nap time is anywhere starting from 10:45, although ideally about noon, and he will sleep for 2-3 hours most times. Sunday really screws him up because our ward meets at 12:30. It makes it hard on the whole family too, because when Jeffrey doesn't get his nap...he is NOT a happy camper.
So, I started having a mild routine, where I always ask/tell him it's happy nappy time. You wouldn't think that one word would make a difference, but it does! Then I make sure he has his blanket, and his stuffed bear. He has one he prefers the most, but if it has disappeared he will make do with another stuffed bear we have. Then I lay him in his crib and tell him to have a happy nappy time. Very rarely does he cry if we do this routine. If he does cry it's on average about 1 minute. He isn't even asleep, but content.
Now if I could just figure out a positive word to add to bedtime... He used to be really good about going to bed, but nowdays.... some nights are good, some nights are not good...
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Deep Cleansing Breath...
I think one of the most difficult things about having a newborn is not getting the sleep I am used to. :) With my first two kids, this wasn't really an issue because they were both formula fed and slept 4-5 hours at a time, right from the get go.
Since Jeffrey and Emmett have been nursed, they have both started out sleeping in 2 hour intervals. I think my friend must have iron milk, because she nurses her baby and he sleeps 5 hours a night! Jeffrey really didn't start sleeping longer until I had to stop nursing him when I had to have additional surgeries a month after he was born.
Anyway, one bonus is Emmett likes to snuggle. It makes the lack of sleep more bearable. :) He has started sleeping in slightly longer intervals at night...at least it feels that way. I might just be hallucinating in my lack of sleep blurriness... Still, he has started sleeping an hour longer. That doesn't sound like much, but it it's a start, and definitely better than two! :)
Well, poor little Jeffrey has been the unlucky child to get painful illnesses. First he got the cold sore outbreak in his mouth. That was six months ago I think...all I remember is how horrible it was for him, and for us!
Now he has roseola. That in itself wouldn't be too horrific...but he is also teething. Big teeth. Yowch! So, if he didn't already feel kind of miserable, now he certainly does. Since I am already on lack of sleep anyway, this has really helped improve my patience and compassion. Sure, it would be easy to lose my cool, especially since there have been many times in the past 4 days where Jeffrey has been inconsolable.
Today, for example, he has basically cried nonstop the whole time he's been awake. (no worries peeps, we took him to the doctor AGAIN just to make sure he didn't have an additional infection going on. I think I've talked to the pediatrician every day for the past four days...)
Still, I just think of how miserable he is and how much pain he must be in that nothing helps temper, and my compassion level goes up about four notches.
After all the crying today though, he did finally eat something! And it wasn't a cookie! He ate dinner, including vegetables (which seem to be his favorite anyway) and drank some more juice. Normally we don't give our kids juice, but when they are feeling cruddy and it's all they will drink... they get some.
So, hopefully he will continue to improve and get better and better. My other hope is that Emmett didn't contract this illness. On that one, we will just have to wait and see. I also hope those monster teeth finally come through! Some more sleep would be nice too, but we'll just take what we can get.
Since Jeffrey and Emmett have been nursed, they have both started out sleeping in 2 hour intervals. I think my friend must have iron milk, because she nurses her baby and he sleeps 5 hours a night! Jeffrey really didn't start sleeping longer until I had to stop nursing him when I had to have additional surgeries a month after he was born.
Anyway, one bonus is Emmett likes to snuggle. It makes the lack of sleep more bearable. :) He has started sleeping in slightly longer intervals at night...at least it feels that way. I might just be hallucinating in my lack of sleep blurriness... Still, he has started sleeping an hour longer. That doesn't sound like much, but it it's a start, and definitely better than two! :)
Well, poor little Jeffrey has been the unlucky child to get painful illnesses. First he got the cold sore outbreak in his mouth. That was six months ago I think...all I remember is how horrible it was for him, and for us!
Now he has roseola. That in itself wouldn't be too horrific...but he is also teething. Big teeth. Yowch! So, if he didn't already feel kind of miserable, now he certainly does. Since I am already on lack of sleep anyway, this has really helped improve my patience and compassion. Sure, it would be easy to lose my cool, especially since there have been many times in the past 4 days where Jeffrey has been inconsolable.
Today, for example, he has basically cried nonstop the whole time he's been awake. (no worries peeps, we took him to the doctor AGAIN just to make sure he didn't have an additional infection going on. I think I've talked to the pediatrician every day for the past four days...)
Still, I just think of how miserable he is and how much pain he must be in that nothing helps temper, and my compassion level goes up about four notches.
After all the crying today though, he did finally eat something! And it wasn't a cookie! He ate dinner, including vegetables (which seem to be his favorite anyway) and drank some more juice. Normally we don't give our kids juice, but when they are feeling cruddy and it's all they will drink... they get some.
So, hopefully he will continue to improve and get better and better. My other hope is that Emmett didn't contract this illness. On that one, we will just have to wait and see. I also hope those monster teeth finally come through! Some more sleep would be nice too, but we'll just take what we can get.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Goal #2
At the beginning of the year I had one goal that I wrote down... be more positive and grateful. I think I've been doing pretty good. Even on the days that are hard, even in the times that are down, I've been able to see the silver lining and look at the positive side. That doesn't mean I don't see the negative, because it is a constant thing that I battle, but seeing the bright side is a lot easier to do than it used to be.
Well, now I am going to add a second goal. I came to this point after being led to a blog called the orange rhino challenge. I added it to my blog list I was so impressed with this lady. She saw a parenting problem that she had and decided it needed to change. Reading her blog has inspired me to work on the same, because I want to be the same kind of parent. I want to be a patient and kind parent, that teaches my kids to be patient and kind.
So, goal number two for this year is: don't yell at my kids for 30 days. This is my goal. Part of this goal is figuring out what triggers me to be angry... tired, messy house, toys everywhere, whatever, I am going to figure it out so I can figure out techniques to prevent the yelling. My hope in doing this is to be a better example to my kids. To show them that if I can do it, they can too. I find when I am calmer, even when my kids are doing things that really really really make me want to yell at them, they are calmer too. They are more likely to listen, and my big hope is that I will teach them how to parent with patience.
I know this will be a challenge, especially since my 18 month old is in that defiant, I am independent so stop helping me and lets see how much I can get away with stage...but still, I know it is doable, because I know other people do it! If others do it, I can too!
I put 30 days because I read somewhere that it takes 30 days to make a habit. Once the habit is in place, I can lengthen my goal to two months, then three, etc... until I become a parent that doesn't yell.
Well, now I am going to add a second goal. I came to this point after being led to a blog called the orange rhino challenge. I added it to my blog list I was so impressed with this lady. She saw a parenting problem that she had and decided it needed to change. Reading her blog has inspired me to work on the same, because I want to be the same kind of parent. I want to be a patient and kind parent, that teaches my kids to be patient and kind.
So, goal number two for this year is: don't yell at my kids for 30 days. This is my goal. Part of this goal is figuring out what triggers me to be angry... tired, messy house, toys everywhere, whatever, I am going to figure it out so I can figure out techniques to prevent the yelling. My hope in doing this is to be a better example to my kids. To show them that if I can do it, they can too. I find when I am calmer, even when my kids are doing things that really really really make me want to yell at them, they are calmer too. They are more likely to listen, and my big hope is that I will teach them how to parent with patience.
I know this will be a challenge, especially since my 18 month old is in that defiant, I am independent so stop helping me and lets see how much I can get away with stage...but still, I know it is doable, because I know other people do it! If others do it, I can too!
I put 30 days because I read somewhere that it takes 30 days to make a habit. Once the habit is in place, I can lengthen my goal to two months, then three, etc... until I become a parent that doesn't yell.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Reality
Shane went back to work on Sunday night. I was really glad that he was able to spend as much time with me as he did. I'm glad that he had the PTO to be able to do it. It was extremely helpful. Of course, with that comes reality...
It's much easier to take care of a newborn and an 18 month old when there are two adults around... especially if you are recovering from a c-section. I read some recommendations that kind of just made me laugh a little... "the mom will need time to recover. It is best if she can have a nap in the morning and a nap in the afternoon..." I guess if there is just one baby and no other kids this might be a feasible thing...
I have a much greater appreciation for women that have a bunch of kids all close together...and no help. I honestly don't know how they do it!
Things have been going pretty good though. For the most part anyway... My two older kids have been an abundance of help. I try not to take advantage of their helpfulness, and let them know how much I appreciate them and all they do. A little gratitude goes a long way!
Jeffrey has been improving. He hasn't been crying as much, and he hasn't been throwing as many tantrums either. You can tell that he is going through that toddler phase where he is trying to test the boundaries though. :) I think it's good to have kind of a routine. I've started putting him to bed when the older kids go to bed for school. I also, have gotten into a habit of starting the dishwasher. For some reason, it's soothing to him. Kind of like a white noise machine I guess. Works for me! Added bonus is that by the time Jeffrey is completely asleep the load/cycle is done and I don't have to listen to it all night long.
I admit that yesterday was a rough evening for me. I don't know if it was just everything coming down at once... the realization that I didn't have anything for dinner, and no easy way to make something... I guess the extra or lack of hormones could have something to do with it too. :) Chocolate was looking more and more appetizing!
So, today we made sure to go to the store and get some meals that are made, and just have to be heated up. Not extremely healthy, but still better than going a restaurant every night, which we wouldn't have been able to do anyway, and at least gives me some ability to continue to take it easy until I'm given the go ahead to do whatever I want.
Still, things have been going pretty well for the most part, and unlike after my other pregnancies I am still feeling pretty good emotion wise. At least now I know for sure what I am dealing with and how to deal with it if I start heading down the postpartum depression road. Haven't started there yet though, so here's to hoping!
While I am grateful that my c-section went as well as it did, I will be really glad when I am cleared to do everything I feel like doing. Occasionally I have to break the rules. There are times when Jeffrey has to be held, and the only way to do it is to pick him up (which I try to do as carefully as I can!). Other than that though, I try to do what has been recommended.
One of these days I will write a post that has nothing to do with pregnancy, babies, toddlers, or c-sections... it might be a while though! :)
It's much easier to take care of a newborn and an 18 month old when there are two adults around... especially if you are recovering from a c-section. I read some recommendations that kind of just made me laugh a little... "the mom will need time to recover. It is best if she can have a nap in the morning and a nap in the afternoon..." I guess if there is just one baby and no other kids this might be a feasible thing...
I have a much greater appreciation for women that have a bunch of kids all close together...and no help. I honestly don't know how they do it!
Things have been going pretty good though. For the most part anyway... My two older kids have been an abundance of help. I try not to take advantage of their helpfulness, and let them know how much I appreciate them and all they do. A little gratitude goes a long way!
Jeffrey has been improving. He hasn't been crying as much, and he hasn't been throwing as many tantrums either. You can tell that he is going through that toddler phase where he is trying to test the boundaries though. :) I think it's good to have kind of a routine. I've started putting him to bed when the older kids go to bed for school. I also, have gotten into a habit of starting the dishwasher. For some reason, it's soothing to him. Kind of like a white noise machine I guess. Works for me! Added bonus is that by the time Jeffrey is completely asleep the load/cycle is done and I don't have to listen to it all night long.
I admit that yesterday was a rough evening for me. I don't know if it was just everything coming down at once... the realization that I didn't have anything for dinner, and no easy way to make something... I guess the extra or lack of hormones could have something to do with it too. :) Chocolate was looking more and more appetizing!
So, today we made sure to go to the store and get some meals that are made, and just have to be heated up. Not extremely healthy, but still better than going a restaurant every night, which we wouldn't have been able to do anyway, and at least gives me some ability to continue to take it easy until I'm given the go ahead to do whatever I want.
Still, things have been going pretty well for the most part, and unlike after my other pregnancies I am still feeling pretty good emotion wise. At least now I know for sure what I am dealing with and how to deal with it if I start heading down the postpartum depression road. Haven't started there yet though, so here's to hoping!
While I am grateful that my c-section went as well as it did, I will be really glad when I am cleared to do everything I feel like doing. Occasionally I have to break the rules. There are times when Jeffrey has to be held, and the only way to do it is to pick him up (which I try to do as carefully as I can!). Other than that though, I try to do what has been recommended.
One of these days I will write a post that has nothing to do with pregnancy, babies, toddlers, or c-sections... it might be a while though! :)
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Terrible Two's
So, I must admit I was always kind of wondering how Jeffrey would handle having a new baby in the house. I don't think anything could have prepared me for how he has handled it so far.
It has caused a lot of pondering on my part, and conversations with Shane, my mom, my sister-in-law, which have all been helpful.
It has also helped me realize a few things about Jeffrey, and look at things from his perspective.
Initially I wondered what on earth had happened to my happy go lucky little boy, because the boy that was picked up and brought to my house was not him! He had disappeared!
This made me think of all this poor kid had to go through before Emmett was born.
Before, I spent about 8-10 hours a day with Jeffrey by myself every day...typically. Then, in the two weeks prior to Emmett's birth, that routine was shaken to the rafters, and Jeffrey was watched by people, whether it be my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law, or friends and neighbors.
Then in the week before Emmett was born, he spent almost the entire time at my mother-in-law's. After Emmett was born, he stayed with my sister in law for three days. So, he hadn't seen me or Shane for about a week and a half. That's a long time for an 18 month old! I can only imagine what he was dealing with; some new normal where he didn't know what was what!
Add in teething. His last four eye teeth have been pushing through.
Add in that stage of life when most kids start going through the terrible twos.
Yes, it's been fun times at our house!
Ironically enough, he likes Emmett from what I can tell. He always wants to touch him, or pat his face. He calls him the bay-bay. If Emmett cries he gets real concerned and makes sure we are doing something about it.
Things have been improving though. We came home on Friday, and picked up Jeffrey that afternoon. From that time to now, I would say about 90% of it has been crying. If Shane tried to play with him, Jeffrey would cry. If you tried to hold him, he'd cry, if you asked him if he wanted food, he'd cry...and so on.
At first I was really worried about what I could do to get my happy boy back. I also wondered, of course, what I could have done so he wouldn't have been so sad. Then I came to the realization that this was the way Jeffrey was going to be, whether it be for a few days, or a few years, and I was going to just have to accept it.
Once I accepted it, things became much better for me, emotionally.
As the days have gone by, Jeffrey has been improving some, and hasn't been as prone to crying. His naps still are all crazy, but he is definitely going to sleep better than he has been. Hopefully, having things more "back to normal" has helped him realize that if he goes to sleep mom and dad are still going to be there. Dad is still going to play with him. Mom still can't pick him up, but dad can.
My hope is, that as time progresses, he will continue to improve! :)
It has caused a lot of pondering on my part, and conversations with Shane, my mom, my sister-in-law, which have all been helpful.
It has also helped me realize a few things about Jeffrey, and look at things from his perspective.
Initially I wondered what on earth had happened to my happy go lucky little boy, because the boy that was picked up and brought to my house was not him! He had disappeared!
This made me think of all this poor kid had to go through before Emmett was born.
Before, I spent about 8-10 hours a day with Jeffrey by myself every day...typically. Then, in the two weeks prior to Emmett's birth, that routine was shaken to the rafters, and Jeffrey was watched by people, whether it be my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law, or friends and neighbors.
Then in the week before Emmett was born, he spent almost the entire time at my mother-in-law's. After Emmett was born, he stayed with my sister in law for three days. So, he hadn't seen me or Shane for about a week and a half. That's a long time for an 18 month old! I can only imagine what he was dealing with; some new normal where he didn't know what was what!
Add in teething. His last four eye teeth have been pushing through.
Add in that stage of life when most kids start going through the terrible twos.
Yes, it's been fun times at our house!
Ironically enough, he likes Emmett from what I can tell. He always wants to touch him, or pat his face. He calls him the bay-bay. If Emmett cries he gets real concerned and makes sure we are doing something about it.
Things have been improving though. We came home on Friday, and picked up Jeffrey that afternoon. From that time to now, I would say about 90% of it has been crying. If Shane tried to play with him, Jeffrey would cry. If you tried to hold him, he'd cry, if you asked him if he wanted food, he'd cry...and so on.
At first I was really worried about what I could do to get my happy boy back. I also wondered, of course, what I could have done so he wouldn't have been so sad. Then I came to the realization that this was the way Jeffrey was going to be, whether it be for a few days, or a few years, and I was going to just have to accept it.
Once I accepted it, things became much better for me, emotionally.
As the days have gone by, Jeffrey has been improving some, and hasn't been as prone to crying. His naps still are all crazy, but he is definitely going to sleep better than he has been. Hopefully, having things more "back to normal" has helped him realize that if he goes to sleep mom and dad are still going to be there. Dad is still going to play with him. Mom still can't pick him up, but dad can.
My hope is, that as time progresses, he will continue to improve! :)
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