I had some interesting epiphanies this last week or so.
It's been an interesting year. I've been to three funerals so far. That sounds kind of morbid, but I learned something going to all of these funerals. I didn't used to go to funerals. They were sad and depressing and I always cry my eyes out no matter what so I just avoided them.
In the past few years though, I have come to realise something...funerals, especially LDS funerals (I can't speak for other funerals since I haven't been to them) are some of the most spiritual gatherings I have been to.
As I was pondering this at the most recent funeral I went to, which really was a celebration of life and a blessing in this person's life because they had been dealing with cancer and in extreme pain for the last three years. I began to realise that I was crying because I felt the spirit. I was crying because the spiritual feeling in that room was so strong, that I couldn't help but cry. The love was so strong in that room for that person.
I know that's not always the case. Some funerals are very tragic and sad because of the life of a person gone too soon, or young, or because of an accident. Of course there is some sorrow as you remember the good times, and maybe the not so good ones. Regrets. Wishes that you could change things that happened in the past. Sorrow that you won't see that person for a long time. Perhaps decades or more. There is definitely some sadness there.
As I kept thinking about it I was reminded of when I worked in the operating room and experienced birth. There were times when they would deliver in the operating room as a precaution in case they had to do a split second c-section. There is nothing quite like the feeling of a baby being born. I will never forget that feeling. It is such a strong spiritual feeling, and then the utmost joy on the parents' faces as they marveled at the new little one and the dad started to cry. I almost cried seeing that!
When I thought these things, I thought, You know, it seems kind of fitting that two of the most spiritual times we can experience is a spirit entering earth, and a spirit leaving.
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Monday, August 3, 2015
A Change of Heart
It has taken me a while to get to this point; to get where I could actually put a word to how I've been feeling for almost the last year.
Discouraged. Discouraged is the perfect word.
I've had many close people in my life leave the church in the past 2-3 years. It's been a hard time. A time filled with lots of anger, hurt feelings, sadness, separation...it's been extremely difficult.
It's forced me to look at what I believe and really truly understand what I believe, why I believe it, and how.
A lot of introspection. A lot of reading my journals, and being so glad that I took the time to write about special experiences.
The past few months, I could feel the discouragement settle in. It wasn't doubt. Lot's of people like to use the word doubt. They began to doubt what they believed...I didn't doubt. I knew with all my heart what I believed and I didn't doubt any of it. Discouragement however...yes I felt discouraged. I felt weighed down by all the arguments, opinions...feeling mocked, weighed down by judgements that I was too stupid or too apathetic and naive to truly understand what I was believing.
Then, one day, I read an article in the Ensign about what to do to become stronger. Pray. Read the scriptures.
I hadn't really been praying much lately. Reading the scriptures only happened for the lessons I was preparing.
So, I started again. I began to pray at night and in the morning. Sincere prayer.
You know what? All the discouragement went away. I felt renewed with a bright hope, and strength began to fill me. A desire to believe and do what's right, come what may. No matter what anyone else thought of me, it didn't matter. People can post the opinions; the negative pieces that tear down, but I don't need to pay attention to them, because I know what is true, what is good, and what is right. Peace enters into my heart and takes away all the despair and negative feelings that try to have a place there. It gives me strength and courage to carry on and stand for what I believe.
Discouraged. Discouraged is the perfect word.
I've had many close people in my life leave the church in the past 2-3 years. It's been a hard time. A time filled with lots of anger, hurt feelings, sadness, separation...it's been extremely difficult.
It's forced me to look at what I believe and really truly understand what I believe, why I believe it, and how.
A lot of introspection. A lot of reading my journals, and being so glad that I took the time to write about special experiences.
The past few months, I could feel the discouragement settle in. It wasn't doubt. Lot's of people like to use the word doubt. They began to doubt what they believed...I didn't doubt. I knew with all my heart what I believed and I didn't doubt any of it. Discouragement however...yes I felt discouraged. I felt weighed down by all the arguments, opinions...feeling mocked, weighed down by judgements that I was too stupid or too apathetic and naive to truly understand what I was believing.
Then, one day, I read an article in the Ensign about what to do to become stronger. Pray. Read the scriptures.
I hadn't really been praying much lately. Reading the scriptures only happened for the lessons I was preparing.
So, I started again. I began to pray at night and in the morning. Sincere prayer.
You know what? All the discouragement went away. I felt renewed with a bright hope, and strength began to fill me. A desire to believe and do what's right, come what may. No matter what anyone else thought of me, it didn't matter. People can post the opinions; the negative pieces that tear down, but I don't need to pay attention to them, because I know what is true, what is good, and what is right. Peace enters into my heart and takes away all the despair and negative feelings that try to have a place there. It gives me strength and courage to carry on and stand for what I believe.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Letting Go
I've known for a long time, years even, that one of the food allergies I had was directly tied to an emotional experience. For much of that time I thought it was associated with a certain person, and that for whatever reason, even though I felt like I had gotten over the emotional turmoil, I just couldn't get rid of the allergy.
Well, I've discovered something with letting go of negative emotions and experiences since I started having foot zones, energy work, and chakra clearing done. (I know, sounds a little kooky even to me, but I am better off for it.)
Anyway, since I've set out on this healing adventure, which is going on about 10 years now, I've learned that when my body is ready to let go of things, it lets me know. This usually comes about by dreams, thoughts, experiences, etc...
Well, I had long ago just accepted the fact that I would probably always be forevermore allergic to strawberries. I had my first allergy to them when I was in my first year of college. I didn't know that's what it was at the time, I thought I just had a really horribly bad cold, but after a few years, I realized that strawberries were the culprit.
The other thing I learned was that it wasn't a "real" allergy. At least not in my blood. When I had my blood tested for specific allergies, nothing came back. NOTHING. That blew me away, because I KNEW that if I ate and do eat certain things, I do have a reaction. With strawberries that reaction happened whether I knew if there were strawberries in it or not.
Anyway, I hadn't even really been thinking about my allergy to strawberries. At least not on the forefront, but I had a dream. It was about someone that hasn't been in my life directly for a very long time. It was a very vivid dream. I felt very strong negative emotions in this dream. When I woke up, I had the thought that maybe, just maybe strawberries were tied to the negative emotions and experiences that I had with this person. It made even more sense to me, because I knew that Shane was also tied to my allergy to strawberries (not in a negative way, but because of the negative memories and experiences I had with this person, and how they also treated Shane, so it tied him into it too.)
Initially when I found out that Shane was tied to my strawberry allergy I was stumped. But after the dream, it all made sense, and then when I found out it really was that person, I had some soul searching to do.
I was thinking about all that I had went through with this person, in my junior and senior year of high school, and all the turmoil and craziness that this person brought to my life. I also thought about all the negative things and how it had affected me. It affected the early part of my marriage (which, honestly, anyone but Shane I don't think would've handled very well).
Initially I thought of the dark emotion that I harbored toward this person. It was black, I could see it in my mind. I gathered it (mentally) into a ball and let go of it. Then, knowing that I needed to replace it with something better, I replaced it with sorrow. Not sorrow like, oh I'm sad, but a sorrow more of, "I'm sorry that you felt you had to treat me this way, to be that person, to do those horrible things."
As I was thinking through all of it, I knew that another thing I needed to do was to forgive this person. I had the desire, but I knew that I just couldn't do it. I thought about it some more, and I prayed, and I remembered Corrie Ten Boom and how she couldn't forgive the Nazi officer who wanted to shake her hand after the war, and how she turned it over to the Lord and asked for his help to be able to forgive this man who had done horrible things to her and her sister. I thought, "Maybe I can do that too..." and so when I prayed I turned it over to the Lord. I told him I had the desire, but I couldn't do it without his help. I didn't want to hang onto this negative emotion/experience anymore.
In a moment the negative emotion was gone.
I felt light. I knew, that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ had helped me let go of this negative memory and experience in my life.
Supposedly my strawberry allergy is gone... It's been ten years. I am so used to not eating strawberries....I think it will take a while to dare to eat them again! Regardless, even if I still can't eat them, it is nice to know that such a dark chapter in my life has been laid to rest.
Well, I've discovered something with letting go of negative emotions and experiences since I started having foot zones, energy work, and chakra clearing done. (I know, sounds a little kooky even to me, but I am better off for it.)
Anyway, since I've set out on this healing adventure, which is going on about 10 years now, I've learned that when my body is ready to let go of things, it lets me know. This usually comes about by dreams, thoughts, experiences, etc...
Well, I had long ago just accepted the fact that I would probably always be forevermore allergic to strawberries. I had my first allergy to them when I was in my first year of college. I didn't know that's what it was at the time, I thought I just had a really horribly bad cold, but after a few years, I realized that strawberries were the culprit.
The other thing I learned was that it wasn't a "real" allergy. At least not in my blood. When I had my blood tested for specific allergies, nothing came back. NOTHING. That blew me away, because I KNEW that if I ate and do eat certain things, I do have a reaction. With strawberries that reaction happened whether I knew if there were strawberries in it or not.
Anyway, I hadn't even really been thinking about my allergy to strawberries. At least not on the forefront, but I had a dream. It was about someone that hasn't been in my life directly for a very long time. It was a very vivid dream. I felt very strong negative emotions in this dream. When I woke up, I had the thought that maybe, just maybe strawberries were tied to the negative emotions and experiences that I had with this person. It made even more sense to me, because I knew that Shane was also tied to my allergy to strawberries (not in a negative way, but because of the negative memories and experiences I had with this person, and how they also treated Shane, so it tied him into it too.)
Initially when I found out that Shane was tied to my strawberry allergy I was stumped. But after the dream, it all made sense, and then when I found out it really was that person, I had some soul searching to do.
I was thinking about all that I had went through with this person, in my junior and senior year of high school, and all the turmoil and craziness that this person brought to my life. I also thought about all the negative things and how it had affected me. It affected the early part of my marriage (which, honestly, anyone but Shane I don't think would've handled very well).
Initially I thought of the dark emotion that I harbored toward this person. It was black, I could see it in my mind. I gathered it (mentally) into a ball and let go of it. Then, knowing that I needed to replace it with something better, I replaced it with sorrow. Not sorrow like, oh I'm sad, but a sorrow more of, "I'm sorry that you felt you had to treat me this way, to be that person, to do those horrible things."
As I was thinking through all of it, I knew that another thing I needed to do was to forgive this person. I had the desire, but I knew that I just couldn't do it. I thought about it some more, and I prayed, and I remembered Corrie Ten Boom and how she couldn't forgive the Nazi officer who wanted to shake her hand after the war, and how she turned it over to the Lord and asked for his help to be able to forgive this man who had done horrible things to her and her sister. I thought, "Maybe I can do that too..." and so when I prayed I turned it over to the Lord. I told him I had the desire, but I couldn't do it without his help. I didn't want to hang onto this negative emotion/experience anymore.
In a moment the negative emotion was gone.
I felt light. I knew, that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ had helped me let go of this negative memory and experience in my life.
Supposedly my strawberry allergy is gone... It's been ten years. I am so used to not eating strawberries....I think it will take a while to dare to eat them again! Regardless, even if I still can't eat them, it is nice to know that such a dark chapter in my life has been laid to rest.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Even The Sparrows
I was feeling very alone. I was feeling very unworthy. I was feeling very looked over. And to be honest, I was feeling a little disgusted with myself for an instance where I could have been the bigger person and resolved something, and in my stubbornness chose not to.
Then a scripture thought entered my brain "remember the sparrows" and I started looking for the scripture, but I couldn't find it anywhere! I knew it was in the bible somewhere, but it's location escaped me.
I started reading a church magazine and every article I read was about God's love for us, how everyone is special, everyone is loved, everyone is someone that God cares about.
Then I got on facebook and my cousin had posted a story, and at the bottom of the story was the very reference that I had been searching for.
Luke 12:6-7
6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.
God knew I needed to read that scripture. It was important. I believe a way was provided for me to receive that knowledge.
If God loves me enough to do that small little thing, that small tender mercy, what has he done for you today? If God has such compassion for the sparrows, I know that if you look, you will see what he has done to bless you as well.
It also opened the way for me to talk to Shane about what I was feeling, because it involved him in an indirect way. We had a great conversation, and talked through the emotions I was feeling, and my issues were laid to rest.
Then a scripture thought entered my brain "remember the sparrows" and I started looking for the scripture, but I couldn't find it anywhere! I knew it was in the bible somewhere, but it's location escaped me.
I started reading a church magazine and every article I read was about God's love for us, how everyone is special, everyone is loved, everyone is someone that God cares about.
Then I got on facebook and my cousin had posted a story, and at the bottom of the story was the very reference that I had been searching for.
Luke 12:6-7
6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.
God knew I needed to read that scripture. It was important. I believe a way was provided for me to receive that knowledge.
If God loves me enough to do that small little thing, that small tender mercy, what has he done for you today? If God has such compassion for the sparrows, I know that if you look, you will see what he has done to bless you as well.
It also opened the way for me to talk to Shane about what I was feeling, because it involved him in an indirect way. We had a great conversation, and talked through the emotions I was feeling, and my issues were laid to rest.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Unconditional Forgiveness
In my reading I came across a concept...unconditional forgiveness.
Sure, I had been taught pretty much my whole life that we should forgive, and ultimately forget the things that people do to us. Still, it always seemed so hard. Especially when it kept happening, and I kept getting hurt. As I got older it led to guarding my feelings, not reaching out, and building a figurative stone wall around my heart to protect myself. I thought I was forgiving...and I was trying to forget.
Well, through many different things, I was able to remove the wall, become more trusting, and try not to guard my feelings as much. :)
Still, I struggled with the forgiving. I tried to let go, but it was very easy to let one occurrence remind me of all the other times in my life when the same person would wound me. Because of this it would affect how I dealt with other people.
Enter in unconditional forgiveness. Being unconditionally forgiving does not mean you become a doormat. You don't let people walk all over you. What it does do, is give yourself the permission to forgive people before they hurt you by acknowledging that everyone is imperfect. None of us are perfect, and none of us will be perfect in this earthly life. It's not possible. We can work toward it, and do our best, but we will continually make mistakes.
Unconditional forgiveness, allows you to acknowledge this. It allows you to acknowledge this in yourself. I even had the chance to utilize it multiple times in the past few weeks. Things that would have hurt me and affected me deeply and then taken me a while to get over and then ultimately forgive...just wasn't there. The forgiveness happened almost instantly. It was bizarre almost how quickly it happened.
Then, I even noticed that feelings and instances that I had been hanging on to, trying to forgive people for, for a while...they were gone as well. How freeing! How wonderful! It truly has helped me understand what it means to forgive...and to not just forgive, but to unconditionally forgive. I found myself thinking, well, they aren't perfect. I don't like what they did, and in fact in one instance it did take me a day to work through it on an emotional level, BUT still, the forgiveness was there.
Unconditional forgiveness...try it. It will change your life, in a good way!
Sure, I had been taught pretty much my whole life that we should forgive, and ultimately forget the things that people do to us. Still, it always seemed so hard. Especially when it kept happening, and I kept getting hurt. As I got older it led to guarding my feelings, not reaching out, and building a figurative stone wall around my heart to protect myself. I thought I was forgiving...and I was trying to forget.
Well, through many different things, I was able to remove the wall, become more trusting, and try not to guard my feelings as much. :)
Still, I struggled with the forgiving. I tried to let go, but it was very easy to let one occurrence remind me of all the other times in my life when the same person would wound me. Because of this it would affect how I dealt with other people.
Enter in unconditional forgiveness. Being unconditionally forgiving does not mean you become a doormat. You don't let people walk all over you. What it does do, is give yourself the permission to forgive people before they hurt you by acknowledging that everyone is imperfect. None of us are perfect, and none of us will be perfect in this earthly life. It's not possible. We can work toward it, and do our best, but we will continually make mistakes.
Unconditional forgiveness, allows you to acknowledge this. It allows you to acknowledge this in yourself. I even had the chance to utilize it multiple times in the past few weeks. Things that would have hurt me and affected me deeply and then taken me a while to get over and then ultimately forgive...just wasn't there. The forgiveness happened almost instantly. It was bizarre almost how quickly it happened.
Then, I even noticed that feelings and instances that I had been hanging on to, trying to forgive people for, for a while...they were gone as well. How freeing! How wonderful! It truly has helped me understand what it means to forgive...and to not just forgive, but to unconditionally forgive. I found myself thinking, well, they aren't perfect. I don't like what they did, and in fact in one instance it did take me a day to work through it on an emotional level, BUT still, the forgiveness was there.
Unconditional forgiveness...try it. It will change your life, in a good way!
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Of Journals and Things...
I have written in a journal for many years. I think I first started doing it regularly when I was a freshman in high school. I think I started doing it because I always saw my sister writing in hers. She was always a good example to me growing up.
As the years have passed I have realized a few things about journals. Just like my blog, there are spiritual entries, entries where I bare my testimony, historical entries where I write about dates of birth, deaths, birthdays, marriages...and things of that nature, and then there are the entries where I just write about whatever I feel like writing.
The longer time goes by, the more I like to write about spiritual things. There are a few reasons for this. The mind is a fickle thing. There are many times where I will have a spiritual experience then write about it, and then years later I may be reading my journal and be reminded of that experience. It helps strengthen my testimony. There are also many things that I haven't written about, and I can't remember them.
As I sit contemplating things, and a huge one for me lately, which I know I've written about before, is how people can change so much over time. Their beliefs change, their testimonies change, they change. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it is sad when that change leads them away from God.
I wonder sometimes if they have forgotten the experiences they have had. I know, in my mind, there are times where I question things. I honestly truly question what I believe at times...and then, I am reminded of all the things I have experienced...things that I can't look past or reason away with logic, and I remember why I believe what I do, and why it is good. It also helps me remember why I truly believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior and Redeemer of the world. That he has so much love for each of us. So much. When I read through my journal I remember this. It helps me when I begin to forget, and my heart feels at peace.
As the years have passed I have realized a few things about journals. Just like my blog, there are spiritual entries, entries where I bare my testimony, historical entries where I write about dates of birth, deaths, birthdays, marriages...and things of that nature, and then there are the entries where I just write about whatever I feel like writing.
The longer time goes by, the more I like to write about spiritual things. There are a few reasons for this. The mind is a fickle thing. There are many times where I will have a spiritual experience then write about it, and then years later I may be reading my journal and be reminded of that experience. It helps strengthen my testimony. There are also many things that I haven't written about, and I can't remember them.
As I sit contemplating things, and a huge one for me lately, which I know I've written about before, is how people can change so much over time. Their beliefs change, their testimonies change, they change. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it is sad when that change leads them away from God.
I wonder sometimes if they have forgotten the experiences they have had. I know, in my mind, there are times where I question things. I honestly truly question what I believe at times...and then, I am reminded of all the things I have experienced...things that I can't look past or reason away with logic, and I remember why I believe what I do, and why it is good. It also helps me remember why I truly believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior and Redeemer of the world. That he has so much love for each of us. So much. When I read through my journal I remember this. It helps me when I begin to forget, and my heart feels at peace.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
I Can Do Hard Things...
There seems to be some popular statements that permeate everything these days... here are some examples:
I can do hard things.
Just do it!
You can do it if you just try!
Listen to your inner voice.
(There are many more.) What is wrong with these statements? They're positive aren't they? They're powerful and encouraging aren't they? To this I would reply yes. However, they leave out a key component.
Let's add it and see if it changes anything...
I can do hard things...with Christ.
Just do it...by the grace of Christ.
You can do it if you just try...with the strength of Christ.
Listen to your inner voice...with the grace of Christ.
What changed? I added Christ to the equation.
I find that in many situations we try to do things ourselves. I don't know if it's the stubbornness in me, the natural man, or the negative that tries to convince me that I can do it all on my own. Life is so much easier when I add Christ to my life and allow Him to help me carry the load.
Does that mean it is easy peasy? No. It means I have the strength to carry on for one more day and the courage to try harder and do better.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Alma 26:12
Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.
Elder Bednar had some interesting things to say about being strong through the grace and atonement of Christ when he was first called to be an apostle back in 2004:
""In the Bible Dictionary we learn that the word grace frequently is used in the scriptures to connote a strengthening or enabling power:
"The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ."
“… It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts” (p. 697).
Thus, the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity. I testify and witness that the enabling power of the Savior’s Atonement is real. Without that strengthening power of the Atonement, I could not stand before you this morning.""
Here is the link if you would like to read the entire talk
I hope I will always remember that if I have the humility to involve Christ in my life, I will be given the strength I need to deal with the trials and complexities of life.
I can do hard things.
Just do it!
You can do it if you just try!
Listen to your inner voice.
(There are many more.) What is wrong with these statements? They're positive aren't they? They're powerful and encouraging aren't they? To this I would reply yes. However, they leave out a key component.
Let's add it and see if it changes anything...
I can do hard things...with Christ.
Just do it...by the grace of Christ.
You can do it if you just try...with the strength of Christ.
Listen to your inner voice...with the grace of Christ.
What changed? I added Christ to the equation.
I find that in many situations we try to do things ourselves. I don't know if it's the stubbornness in me, the natural man, or the negative that tries to convince me that I can do it all on my own. Life is so much easier when I add Christ to my life and allow Him to help me carry the load.
Does that mean it is easy peasy? No. It means I have the strength to carry on for one more day and the courage to try harder and do better.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Alma 26:12
Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.
Elder Bednar had some interesting things to say about being strong through the grace and atonement of Christ when he was first called to be an apostle back in 2004:
""In the Bible Dictionary we learn that the word grace frequently is used in the scriptures to connote a strengthening or enabling power:
"The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ."
“… It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts” (p. 697).
Thus, the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity. I testify and witness that the enabling power of the Savior’s Atonement is real. Without that strengthening power of the Atonement, I could not stand before you this morning.""
Here is the link if you would like to read the entire talk
I hope I will always remember that if I have the humility to involve Christ in my life, I will be given the strength I need to deal with the trials and complexities of life.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Thoughts, Memories, and Forgiveness
Initially I was going to base this whole post on forgiveness, and why we should practice forgiving others. It is something that I struggle with at times...I can tell this because if I happen to see specific people that made my life hell when I was in high school, I still have a hard time swallowing down the bile that rises in my throat and makes me want to hit them.
You'd think I would be over it by now. You would think that after almost twenty years, I would be tired of hanging on to that negative bit in my life. To be honest, I have reached a point now that I mostly have. I can't say that I think highly of them or like them though....still working on that one.
Then, yesterday, I found out that Robin Williams died. I know. Lot's of people are commenting on this today. Not only because he died, but how he died. I was sad to begin with, then with the knowledge that he committed suicide, my sorrow and compassion for his family deepened. It hit a little close to home.
Depression runs in my family. It runs in me. It's something that I've had to deal with in my life since I hit puberty. I think I've written about it before. Reading articles about thoughts that go through depressed people's minds, is like taking a look inside my head. They are so similar it's almost disturbing. It was so weird to me when I first went on an antidepressant to not have thoughts of death and dying. When I heard the phrase, "you might have depression if you often think about death and dying" I always thought they meant suicidal thoughts. I didn't have "suicidal" thoughts most of the time, but I DID think about death and dying all the time as it pertained to other people. Being free from those thoughts made me realize what a prevalent place they had in my mind!
I don't take antidepressants anymore. I know the greatest enigma of all is that people who are depressed don't typically like to take antidepressants. I know. You would think that if it helped then you would want to take them! For me, there was always this feeling that I should be above it. I shouldn't need to take them. There was also the feeling that I didn't feel like me. I didn't feel at all. I was in cloud world where nothing affected me, and it was weird. I also wanted to try and beat it. Not realizing that you can't really "beat it" you just learn how to deal with it, and the antidepressants are supposed to help you reach that.
For me, personally, the things that have helped the most have been alternative. Foot zoning, chakra healing, emotional clearing, they all helped. Chakra healing probably helped the most deeply though. For the first time in years I didn't have negative thoughts running through my brain all the time. I was positive and happy without even trying. If a negative thought ran through my brain like "I'm a terrible mother because of..." then a positive thought would immediately run through my brain reminding me that while I might not be perfect, I wasn't terrible.
Another thing that has always helped me, from the start of it all, was the knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, and that He loves me. He knows what I am going through with a perfect clarity and in times of great distress (and I've had them, believe me) I need to anchor myself to Him. I think that is one of many reasons why I really like this talk given by Jeffrey R Holland.
Then because my soul speaks through music....this song by Kenneth Cope speaks to me on a deeper level, reminding me that Christ always is there for me if I let Him in. I know many other people deal with depression far worse than I have ever experienced. I hope that I can treat them with the compassion that I always want people to treat me with when I am having a particularly difficult time. Above all, don't give up hope!
You'd think I would be over it by now. You would think that after almost twenty years, I would be tired of hanging on to that negative bit in my life. To be honest, I have reached a point now that I mostly have. I can't say that I think highly of them or like them though....still working on that one.
Then, yesterday, I found out that Robin Williams died. I know. Lot's of people are commenting on this today. Not only because he died, but how he died. I was sad to begin with, then with the knowledge that he committed suicide, my sorrow and compassion for his family deepened. It hit a little close to home.
Depression runs in my family. It runs in me. It's something that I've had to deal with in my life since I hit puberty. I think I've written about it before. Reading articles about thoughts that go through depressed people's minds, is like taking a look inside my head. They are so similar it's almost disturbing. It was so weird to me when I first went on an antidepressant to not have thoughts of death and dying. When I heard the phrase, "you might have depression if you often think about death and dying" I always thought they meant suicidal thoughts. I didn't have "suicidal" thoughts most of the time, but I DID think about death and dying all the time as it pertained to other people. Being free from those thoughts made me realize what a prevalent place they had in my mind!
I don't take antidepressants anymore. I know the greatest enigma of all is that people who are depressed don't typically like to take antidepressants. I know. You would think that if it helped then you would want to take them! For me, there was always this feeling that I should be above it. I shouldn't need to take them. There was also the feeling that I didn't feel like me. I didn't feel at all. I was in cloud world where nothing affected me, and it was weird. I also wanted to try and beat it. Not realizing that you can't really "beat it" you just learn how to deal with it, and the antidepressants are supposed to help you reach that.
For me, personally, the things that have helped the most have been alternative. Foot zoning, chakra healing, emotional clearing, they all helped. Chakra healing probably helped the most deeply though. For the first time in years I didn't have negative thoughts running through my brain all the time. I was positive and happy without even trying. If a negative thought ran through my brain like "I'm a terrible mother because of..." then a positive thought would immediately run through my brain reminding me that while I might not be perfect, I wasn't terrible.
Another thing that has always helped me, from the start of it all, was the knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, and that He loves me. He knows what I am going through with a perfect clarity and in times of great distress (and I've had them, believe me) I need to anchor myself to Him. I think that is one of many reasons why I really like this talk given by Jeffrey R Holland.
Then because my soul speaks through music....this song by Kenneth Cope speaks to me on a deeper level, reminding me that Christ always is there for me if I let Him in. I know many other people deal with depression far worse than I have ever experienced. I hope that I can treat them with the compassion that I always want people to treat me with when I am having a particularly difficult time. Above all, don't give up hope!
Friday, August 1, 2014
Strong to Weak
I've had a lot of thoughts floating around in my mind this past while. A lot. Every time I thought about writing on my blog, I just kept thinking that if I did it in that time frame and that mind set, inevitably I would regret the thoughts pouring out, which would defeat the purpose of writing anyway.
A while ago I wrote on here about how we are shown our weaknesses so we can become strong through Christ. Well, since that time, it has been made quite apparent to me how the opposite is true as well. The adversary is quite adept at taking our strengths and making them weak. Making them our downfall.
We had a lesson on it last Sunday in fact, which was quite fitting since I was having a difficult time sifting through my emotions involving choices other people were making. How did they get to that point? How did they reach a level where they felt like not only did they have to do it on their own, but they were capable of doing it completely on their own? How did they get to a point where things that bring peace and order, began to bring disarray?
These are the things I think about and wonder, mainly because I don't want to get to that level. I want to stay far far away from it!
So, it brought to mind a few interesting articles that I had read in the past. One was a blog post from Middle Aged Mormon Man, and in that post they linked to a talk given by an apostle.
The blog post I specifically liked was this one:
Let's Talk About Sand
I remember when I initially read that blog post, we were discussing the wise man and the foolish man in our Sunday School class. It was brought up that sometimes, our testimony can be strong, but become weak. I thought about that... sometimes our testimony can be built on rock, and we just let it be, or we forget to anchor it, or we just stop caring... then the rains come down and the winds blow, and the rock begins to crack and crumble, and eventually if we continue to neglect it, it turns to sand. Then when even more trials come our way, there is nothing to anchor to, because our testimony is gone, and we are washed away into a sea of unbelief.
A talk that directly correlates with this is Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall which was given by Dallin H Oaks.
In all of this, I have learned and noticed one HUGE glaring thing. It is so important to maintain a testimony based on Jesus Christ. It is so necessary to realize the importance that he has in my life, and that if I rely on Him I can achieve what I need to. If my faith and testimony are anchored in Him, I know I will succeed.
The waves can come crashing down, and the storms may rage, but my testimony will still be there, anchored in Christ.
Helaman 5:12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.
And that, is what has been on my mind lately.
A while ago I wrote on here about how we are shown our weaknesses so we can become strong through Christ. Well, since that time, it has been made quite apparent to me how the opposite is true as well. The adversary is quite adept at taking our strengths and making them weak. Making them our downfall.
We had a lesson on it last Sunday in fact, which was quite fitting since I was having a difficult time sifting through my emotions involving choices other people were making. How did they get to that point? How did they reach a level where they felt like not only did they have to do it on their own, but they were capable of doing it completely on their own? How did they get to a point where things that bring peace and order, began to bring disarray?
These are the things I think about and wonder, mainly because I don't want to get to that level. I want to stay far far away from it!
So, it brought to mind a few interesting articles that I had read in the past. One was a blog post from Middle Aged Mormon Man, and in that post they linked to a talk given by an apostle.
The blog post I specifically liked was this one:
Let's Talk About Sand
I remember when I initially read that blog post, we were discussing the wise man and the foolish man in our Sunday School class. It was brought up that sometimes, our testimony can be strong, but become weak. I thought about that... sometimes our testimony can be built on rock, and we just let it be, or we forget to anchor it, or we just stop caring... then the rains come down and the winds blow, and the rock begins to crack and crumble, and eventually if we continue to neglect it, it turns to sand. Then when even more trials come our way, there is nothing to anchor to, because our testimony is gone, and we are washed away into a sea of unbelief.
A talk that directly correlates with this is Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall which was given by Dallin H Oaks.
In all of this, I have learned and noticed one HUGE glaring thing. It is so important to maintain a testimony based on Jesus Christ. It is so necessary to realize the importance that he has in my life, and that if I rely on Him I can achieve what I need to. If my faith and testimony are anchored in Him, I know I will succeed.
The waves can come crashing down, and the storms may rage, but my testimony will still be there, anchored in Christ.
Helaman 5:12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.
And that, is what has been on my mind lately.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
An Interesting Thought
So, I have about 5 books I am reading right now simultaneously. I know that seems kind of nuts, but most of them are non-fiction, spiritual, improving yourself, type books. The way my thought process works, I have to read it in chunks. I can't just sit down and read through the book. This is thinking material!
Anyway, one of the books is "Choose Higher Ground" by Henry B Eyring.
At one spot in the book, where he is talking about increasing our faith, he makes what I felt was an interesting point.
He wrote: "Great faith has a short shelf life."
I think too often we gain a testimony and then just let it sit. Just like a muscle that goes unused atrophies and becomes weak, so can our testimony if we don't constantly nourish it.
Then, when we need to rely on that strong testimony...it isn't there, and our faith crumbles.
I've thought about that a lot this week.
It's been interesting how many people have told me to "have faith and everything will be all right."
What does that mean to you?
I do have faith, and I do have trust, but rather than put a stipulation on it, I put that faith and trust in the Lord. Sometimes, things aren't "all right" sometimes, we have to go through sorrow, pain, illness, loss, etc... because there is something that we need to learn, that won't come any other way. Sometimes, that is the very experience that strengthens our faith and intensifies our determination to follow the Lord.
Instead of thinking, "please let everything be all right" I find myself thinking "please help me to be strong and willing to go through what I need to. Please help me to be calm and at peace with the things that I need to deal with...and help me learn what I need to from this experience."
I'm not perfect at doing this...but, when I find myself feeling a little anxious or scared, I think, "I have faith in the Lord's plan for me." The fear leaves, and I feel comforted.
Anyway, one of the books is "Choose Higher Ground" by Henry B Eyring.
At one spot in the book, where he is talking about increasing our faith, he makes what I felt was an interesting point.
He wrote: "Great faith has a short shelf life."
I think too often we gain a testimony and then just let it sit. Just like a muscle that goes unused atrophies and becomes weak, so can our testimony if we don't constantly nourish it.
Then, when we need to rely on that strong testimony...it isn't there, and our faith crumbles.
I've thought about that a lot this week.
It's been interesting how many people have told me to "have faith and everything will be all right."
What does that mean to you?
I do have faith, and I do have trust, but rather than put a stipulation on it, I put that faith and trust in the Lord. Sometimes, things aren't "all right" sometimes, we have to go through sorrow, pain, illness, loss, etc... because there is something that we need to learn, that won't come any other way. Sometimes, that is the very experience that strengthens our faith and intensifies our determination to follow the Lord.
Instead of thinking, "please let everything be all right" I find myself thinking "please help me to be strong and willing to go through what I need to. Please help me to be calm and at peace with the things that I need to deal with...and help me learn what I need to from this experience."
I'm not perfect at doing this...but, when I find myself feeling a little anxious or scared, I think, "I have faith in the Lord's plan for me." The fear leaves, and I feel comforted.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Peace
In John 14:27 it states:
Peace I leave with you, my peace give I unto you: not as the world giveth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Fear and peace can't exist together. You can't be fearful and at peace.
I remind myself of that often these days. I keep thinking of the reasons I love God, and that if I trust in Him, I will have peace and calm.
Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it is. Either way, it will work out the way it is supposed to.
I have a doctor appointment tomorrow. It will be an interesting appointment.
I have another doctor appointment on Monday. That one should be interesting as well.
I don't want people to worry about me, and that is the main huge reason I am being extremely vague right now. When I have something definite to tell, then I will definitely share because I will need lots of support. However, if I am just being paranoid, or it ends up being not a big deal, well, then that would be a great relief.
So, right now my main focus is just being at peace.
Peace I leave with you, my peace give I unto you: not as the world giveth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Fear and peace can't exist together. You can't be fearful and at peace.
I remind myself of that often these days. I keep thinking of the reasons I love God, and that if I trust in Him, I will have peace and calm.
Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it is. Either way, it will work out the way it is supposed to.
I have a doctor appointment tomorrow. It will be an interesting appointment.
I have another doctor appointment on Monday. That one should be interesting as well.
I don't want people to worry about me, and that is the main huge reason I am being extremely vague right now. When I have something definite to tell, then I will definitely share because I will need lots of support. However, if I am just being paranoid, or it ends up being not a big deal, well, then that would be a great relief.
So, right now my main focus is just being at peace.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
A Change of Heart
The other day I was reading my friend's blog, "Better Through Christ." In one of the entries, she was writing about how she began applying the scriptures to her life. Farther on in the entry, she wrote about a scripture that stuck out to her one day, and she applied it by appealing to Heavenly Father to help her with her weakness in yelling and losing her temper with her kids. She no longer yells.
I remember that just hit me. It hit me hard, because I know I have written on here about my own struggle with losing my temper and yelling. Now, healing/opening my chakras helped. It helped a ton, but I still found myself getting angry. I found myself losing my cool over silly things! Things that really didn't matter, and what frustrated me even more was my lack of self control. Then I thought about the scripture that my friend had mentioned:
I remember that just hit me. It hit me hard, because I know I have written on here about my own struggle with losing my temper and yelling. Now, healing/opening my chakras helped. It helped a ton, but I still found myself getting angry. I found myself losing my cool over silly things! Things that really didn't matter, and what frustrated me even more was my lack of self control. Then I thought about the scripture that my friend had mentioned:
Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
I thought about that. I thought about it hard, and in my mind I thought, yes, this is definitely a weakness to me. This is definitely something that I need help with, that I am unable to do on my own, no matter how many anger management classes I take, or useful ways I find to get rid of pent up emotion, I CAN NOT do this on my own! And then I thought, surely, if the Lord can help my friend with this, He can help me.
Then I prayed. I prayed, and I poured out my heart to the Lord. I told Him what was bugging me, my weakness of temper, and my desire.
Since then....things have been so much better. Things that would make me angry or upset, no longer do. Occasionally I have a little upset, but afterward, I realize what I have done, and I am calm. My kids have noticed the change. It's not that I hold the things in or mentally tell myself to try to let them go, the things that used to bug me just don't bug me anymore. It's all put into perspective. I feel so mellow and at ease compared to how I felt before.
I know, I KNOW, it is because of that prayer. I know it is the Lord helping me have a change of heart, and my weakness, beginning to be made strong. It's a good feeling.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
The Important Things
This past week I have been contemplating a lot about what I listened to and watched of General Conference. It was like a feast that took me a while to fully digest. I'm sure I will learn even more when my Ensign comes and I can read the talks again.
The main talk that stood out for me, and there were many great ones and so much to learn, was a talk given by Linda S Reeves who is the current 2nd counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency. Ironically, it wasn't the main topic that caught me...which was the importance of protecting our families from pornography...it was the importance of having a Christ centered home.
The main talk that stood out for me, and there were many great ones and so much to learn, was a talk given by Linda S Reeves who is the current 2nd counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency. Ironically, it wasn't the main topic that caught me...which was the importance of protecting our families from pornography...it was the importance of having a Christ centered home.
How can we do this in our homes? Some of you have heard me tell how overwhelmed my husband, Mel, and I felt as the parents of four young children. As we faced the challenges of parenting and keeping up with the demands of life, we were desperate for help. We prayed and pleaded to know what to do. The answer that came was clear: “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”
Did you notice that last phrase? The ONLY things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.
Now, I realize that this is to be taken in context, but for me this was huge. HUGE. My whole marriage I have felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to because my house was a mess, laundry is never completed, there's crumbs on the floor, and an assortment of toys, blankets, shoes, etc... everywhere. (Never because of Shane, this was my own feeling). I felt like if I was the wife and mother I should be, my house would be spotless like a magazine. For some women, this is doable. For me, I get tired of always cleaning, the neverending chores, and too frequently find myself distracted by a book. Then, feeling guilty, the messiness at times becomes too much, and I would find myself overwhelmed by an unending task.
So, hearing that, I thought, okay, read the scriptures, pray, and family home evening. These are things I can do. These are things that are vital to a Christ centered home. If I focus on these things, the other things will come.
That has become my goals for the year. Read the scriptures nightly as a family. Family prayer in the morning and evening. Weekly family home evening. I know I am repeating myself, but these three simple things, are things that we have always struggled to do. I realize that this is because they are important! If they aren't a priority, SOMETHING will come or happen or take place to prevent you from doing it.
Even in this past week, I have noticed that every night, EVERY NIGHT, we have been reading scriptures, and the phone that has been silent all day, will ring. It's been uncanny! Still, we have pressed on. It has been good. Our older kids love it, and our younger ones like being around everyone, and already I have noticed a change in the environment.
I have felt more motivated to work on the house, but even more, I have not worried about if the house is spotless. I find myself spending more time with my kids and enjoying them. I find myself not getting stressed about the little things. I find my mind and thoughts changing.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
The Light of the World
Yesterday I was preparing to go visiting teaching and it was my turn to prepare the lesson. I knew that the people we were going to go visit had most likely already had the lesson, but I still felt it was important to prepare. In my experience, you never know where the Holy Ghost will lead you, and just because you've heard the same lesson 4 times, doesn't mean you can't learn something more, if your heart is ready to receive it.
Once we got to whom we were visiting, she did let us know that yes, she had heard the lesson a few times. I pressed on. I didn't feel inspired to give most of the lesson, because I knew she'd heard it. What I did feel inspired to give was the scripture. Unlike everything else in the article, scripture references are written but you have to look them up. (I know, work!) Still, when I had read one particular scripture it had stood out to me more than anything else, so that was what I shared.
It came from D&C 50:24
Once we got to whom we were visiting, she did let us know that yes, she had heard the lesson a few times. I pressed on. I didn't feel inspired to give most of the lesson, because I knew she'd heard it. What I did feel inspired to give was the scripture. Unlike everything else in the article, scripture references are written but you have to look them up. (I know, work!) Still, when I had read one particular scripture it had stood out to me more than anything else, so that was what I shared.
It came from D&C 50:24
24 That which is of God is a light; and he that b receiveth c light, andd continueth in God, receiveth more e light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.
Then, I also felt like I should share an insight that I had had, in trying to sort out my thoughts with things that people had told me in the past.
This is how my mind works. It's how I learn. I look at ways people live their life (I'm not excluded from this) and I look at what occurred and how it's affected their life, and I think, do I want that to happen to me? Then I take that information and apply it to my own life.
There once was a person with a strong testimony. Because they were scientifically minded, (which isn't bad) they decided they needed to find proof if the church was false, if religion was false, that God doesn't exist, and that Jesus Christ isn't real. Guess what? For them, they found proof of all these things, and their testimony was gone.
There once was a person with a strong testimony. Because they were scientifically minded, (which isn't bad) they decided they needed to find proof that the church was true, that religion has merit, that God is all powerful and loves us, and that Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer. Guess what? They found proof of all these things and their testimony was strengthened.
Here is what I shared: You will find what you are looking for.
If you are looking to prove something false, you will find things to support your claim, if you are looking to prove that God exists, you will find it. So what's right? What's true? I can't tell you that. I know that for me, I have a sincere testimony that the gospel is true, that Jesus is the Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, the Light of the World, that He is our brother and that He loves us dearly. I also firmly believe that if we search for good, we will find it. If we search for miracles we will find them. If we look for proof that God has a vested interest in our choices and beliefs, we will find them.
Friday, March 7, 2014
A Change For The Better
There are a lot of things that seem to run in my family. Depression is one of them. I first started to deal with it when I was about thirteen and going to middle school. I still remember the thoughts I had. I still remember how I felt, and wondering why I was feeling the way I did. It was hard.
The middle of my freshman year in high school, I decided I needed to change. I looked at my life, and really tried to remove anything negative. I looked over the music I listened to, the books I read, the movies I watched, the people I spent time with, and if I felt it was negative...I removed it. It was gone. A bit drastic, but it helped the depression go away, for a time.
That was just the first time.
After I was married, and had had my first child, I dealt with depression again. This time I went on an antidepressant. It helped, but it made me feel like I was on a cloud. I didn't feel like I was me. I didn't like it. I began to search for other ways to deal with depression.
The most beneficial for me, seemed to be energy work, foot zoning, and for a time, essential oils. I realized I had a lot of emotional baggage. It really helped keep the depression at bay, but it always seemed to come back. Still, I felt it was better than using medication to deal with it. I felt better.
So, a little while ago, I was struggling again. I was given access to Carol Tuttle's 7 Chakras healing program. I had dealt a little bit with chakras when I had had energy work done, so it wasn't a huge shift to just working on chakras.
In the program, she goes over all the chakras in detail, and how to open them, or heal them. She actually includes another chakra that isn't typically used, so technically there are 8 chakras that you can open/heal. I started with the first one. Just clearing and opening that one chakra made such a difference in my mind! It was amazing and wonderful!
As I have cleared others, a similar thing has taken place, and it has been so good. I still have two more that I need to clear, but I feel so much better now than I did. The thoughts in my mind are so much more positive. When a negative thought tries to enter in, I think, no, that's not right. That's not how it is.
It has also helped me be more positive. I have a better outlook on things. I'm able to do things that I wasn't able to before. I can actually feel my body healing things that it has dealt with for a long time. Another great thing, is I yell less. Things that used to bug me immensely don't seem to bother me as much anymore.
It's been a great mind shift, and a great change for me. Once I clear the last two, it will be interesting to see how I feel, and for how long. It's been a good thing.
The middle of my freshman year in high school, I decided I needed to change. I looked at my life, and really tried to remove anything negative. I looked over the music I listened to, the books I read, the movies I watched, the people I spent time with, and if I felt it was negative...I removed it. It was gone. A bit drastic, but it helped the depression go away, for a time.
That was just the first time.
After I was married, and had had my first child, I dealt with depression again. This time I went on an antidepressant. It helped, but it made me feel like I was on a cloud. I didn't feel like I was me. I didn't like it. I began to search for other ways to deal with depression.
The most beneficial for me, seemed to be energy work, foot zoning, and for a time, essential oils. I realized I had a lot of emotional baggage. It really helped keep the depression at bay, but it always seemed to come back. Still, I felt it was better than using medication to deal with it. I felt better.
So, a little while ago, I was struggling again. I was given access to Carol Tuttle's 7 Chakras healing program. I had dealt a little bit with chakras when I had had energy work done, so it wasn't a huge shift to just working on chakras.
In the program, she goes over all the chakras in detail, and how to open them, or heal them. She actually includes another chakra that isn't typically used, so technically there are 8 chakras that you can open/heal. I started with the first one. Just clearing and opening that one chakra made such a difference in my mind! It was amazing and wonderful!
As I have cleared others, a similar thing has taken place, and it has been so good. I still have two more that I need to clear, but I feel so much better now than I did. The thoughts in my mind are so much more positive. When a negative thought tries to enter in, I think, no, that's not right. That's not how it is.
It has also helped me be more positive. I have a better outlook on things. I'm able to do things that I wasn't able to before. I can actually feel my body healing things that it has dealt with for a long time. Another great thing, is I yell less. Things that used to bug me immensely don't seem to bother me as much anymore.
It's been a great mind shift, and a great change for me. Once I clear the last two, it will be interesting to see how I feel, and for how long. It's been a good thing.
Monday, February 24, 2014
To Forgive
I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. Mainly because I know that I need to forgive the person that hurt my feelings. It's been an interesting path, that I've learned a lot about. Some interesting things have come out of all this.
Initially when it happened, I automatically thought, "I need to forgive them for being so mean to me." Then, as the days progressed, and feelings, memories, and other experiences went into play, it became really hard to want to forgive them. I realize now, it's because there were many past things that I needed to forgive them for, but they were so little that I had just let them gather like small little whiffs of smoke until it became a nice little fire of hard feelings. Then, as I would try to forgive them for what I felt was a huge thing, it was almost impossible because of all the little things that I hadn't let go of, and hadn't forgiven them for. It was quite eye opening for me as I went through and realized all this.
As I was thinking about all of this, I began to think about people I knew who were good examples of forgiveness. The Savior came to my mind instantly, where He forgives them while he's being crucified. My little offenses seem paltry compared to what he was willing to forgive.
Then I thought of one of my heroines, Corrie Ten Boom, who wrote the book "The Hiding Place." I remembered at the end of the book, how she was working to help people forgive after they had been in concentration camps, and had awful things done to them. Then, as she was giving a seminar, someone came up to her to shake her hand, and it was one of the guards from where she, herself, had been imprisoned. She realized, that she couldn't shake his hand. The one who had taught all these people and encouraged them to be forgiving, and she couldn't do it herself. So she prayed and asked the Lord for help and turned it over to him. She shook that man's hand, through the help of the Savior.
As these instances came to mind, I realized a few things.
One- I needed to have the desire to forgive. It wasn't enough to just know that I needed to forgive them. I needed to want to forgive them.
Two- I knew I couldn't do it by myself.
So I prayed. I prayed that I would see this person the way the Lord does, and love them the way He does. I prayed about all the hard feelings I had, all the things that this person had knowingly and unknowingly done to me, and my desire to let all the hard feelings go so I could forgive them.
That was last night.
This morning, the pain is less. I think about that person, and the past experiences don't bother me so much. I am glad, because I know that now I am on the path of forgiving this person, and letting all the negative things go. It's a good feeling.
Initially when it happened, I automatically thought, "I need to forgive them for being so mean to me." Then, as the days progressed, and feelings, memories, and other experiences went into play, it became really hard to want to forgive them. I realize now, it's because there were many past things that I needed to forgive them for, but they were so little that I had just let them gather like small little whiffs of smoke until it became a nice little fire of hard feelings. Then, as I would try to forgive them for what I felt was a huge thing, it was almost impossible because of all the little things that I hadn't let go of, and hadn't forgiven them for. It was quite eye opening for me as I went through and realized all this.
As I was thinking about all of this, I began to think about people I knew who were good examples of forgiveness. The Savior came to my mind instantly, where He forgives them while he's being crucified. My little offenses seem paltry compared to what he was willing to forgive.
Then I thought of one of my heroines, Corrie Ten Boom, who wrote the book "The Hiding Place." I remembered at the end of the book, how she was working to help people forgive after they had been in concentration camps, and had awful things done to them. Then, as she was giving a seminar, someone came up to her to shake her hand, and it was one of the guards from where she, herself, had been imprisoned. She realized, that she couldn't shake his hand. The one who had taught all these people and encouraged them to be forgiving, and she couldn't do it herself. So she prayed and asked the Lord for help and turned it over to him. She shook that man's hand, through the help of the Savior.
As these instances came to mind, I realized a few things.
One- I needed to have the desire to forgive. It wasn't enough to just know that I needed to forgive them. I needed to want to forgive them.
Two- I knew I couldn't do it by myself.
So I prayed. I prayed that I would see this person the way the Lord does, and love them the way He does. I prayed about all the hard feelings I had, all the things that this person had knowingly and unknowingly done to me, and my desire to let all the hard feelings go so I could forgive them.
That was last night.
This morning, the pain is less. I think about that person, and the past experiences don't bother me so much. I am glad, because I know that now I am on the path of forgiving this person, and letting all the negative things go. It's a good feeling.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Cultivating Faith
After I completed yesterday's post, I began thinking and pondering about the last quote I had put in there : "Cast out doubt, cultivate faith." As I thought about it, the phrase kept entering my mind, How can I cultivate faith? Many things begin to enter my contemplation, so I thought I would share some of them.
A lot of them are what people call "Sunday School Answers" but I dug a little deeper. I didn't just think, read the scriptures, I thought about why reading the scriptures was important. So, here are a few ways I thought about cultivating faith.
First, I thought about how important it is to have the desire to believe. In Alma 32:27 it states: But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.
It is important to me to note though, that this is just the beginning of faith, not the ending. This is where you plant the seed, hoping that it will result in more faith. Hope is a precursor that is linked to faith, and desire is the precursor to hope. You have the desire, you hope, and then you begin to have faith.
Another quote from the book"Bringing Elizabeth Home" states:
"Hope, like faith, is the evidence of things not seen. You can't have faith without hope. Hope is like the precursor to faith, and faith becomes the sustaining power. If you give up hope, you give up faith. None of those things are diminished by the outcome of whatever happens in our lives. We will all have adversity. We can either become stronger and better because of it, or weakened because of it. Our faith can be strengthened through our hard times."
By reading the scriptures, you are allowing yourself to learn by the best teachers. Past prophets who prophesied of God and of our Savior Jesus Christ. If you immerse yourself in the scriptures, allowing the Holy Ghost to teach you, your faith will grow, and you will be taught.
There are many ways to read and ponder the scriptures though. I think sometimes we get stuck on reading them in order. I find what works for me, is to pick a topic and study it. So, for example, since I'm writing about faith, I look up all the scriptures that are about faith and I study them.
Another way to cultivate faith, is to go to church. I think this is a huge thing. Yes, it isn't always possible, and many times when you have small kids, you begin to wonder if it is worth it, but it is. I find that often when I go to church, I am taught by both the scriptures and the Holy Ghost. If I have a question that has been weighing on my mind, or a concern, or a thought, there have been many times where what I need to learn and what I need to know will be brought to my mind. It's quite amazing really.
Our stake president once taught us in stake conference, that if we are mentally prepared horizontally, we will be taught by the spirit vertically. I can always tell when I am mentally prepared!
Prayer is definitely a way of cultivating faith. When we pray intently to our Heavenly Father, about our problems, hopes, desires, gratitude, etc., we become closer to Him. Our trust in Him is increased, and as a result, our faith is increased. You have to have trust in God, to have your faith increase, trusting that He knows best, and that all we experience is for our good.
I could have partially wondered that at the beginning of last year, but because of experiences that I had, and continue to have, I feel stronger. Yes things are still hard at times, there is still adversity, but there is also a greater desire to continue on and continue to grow.
There are many other ways to cultivate faith. I really feel like I've just scratched the surface. As I continue to search and ponder, I may have to write another post on more ways to cultivate faith.
A lot of them are what people call "Sunday School Answers" but I dug a little deeper. I didn't just think, read the scriptures, I thought about why reading the scriptures was important. So, here are a few ways I thought about cultivating faith.
First, I thought about how important it is to have the desire to believe. In Alma 32:27 it states: But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.
It is important to me to note though, that this is just the beginning of faith, not the ending. This is where you plant the seed, hoping that it will result in more faith. Hope is a precursor that is linked to faith, and desire is the precursor to hope. You have the desire, you hope, and then you begin to have faith.
Another quote from the book"Bringing Elizabeth Home" states:
"Hope, like faith, is the evidence of things not seen. You can't have faith without hope. Hope is like the precursor to faith, and faith becomes the sustaining power. If you give up hope, you give up faith. None of those things are diminished by the outcome of whatever happens in our lives. We will all have adversity. We can either become stronger and better because of it, or weakened because of it. Our faith can be strengthened through our hard times."
By reading the scriptures, you are allowing yourself to learn by the best teachers. Past prophets who prophesied of God and of our Savior Jesus Christ. If you immerse yourself in the scriptures, allowing the Holy Ghost to teach you, your faith will grow, and you will be taught.
There are many ways to read and ponder the scriptures though. I think sometimes we get stuck on reading them in order. I find what works for me, is to pick a topic and study it. So, for example, since I'm writing about faith, I look up all the scriptures that are about faith and I study them.
Another way to cultivate faith, is to go to church. I think this is a huge thing. Yes, it isn't always possible, and many times when you have small kids, you begin to wonder if it is worth it, but it is. I find that often when I go to church, I am taught by both the scriptures and the Holy Ghost. If I have a question that has been weighing on my mind, or a concern, or a thought, there have been many times where what I need to learn and what I need to know will be brought to my mind. It's quite amazing really.
Our stake president once taught us in stake conference, that if we are mentally prepared horizontally, we will be taught by the spirit vertically. I can always tell when I am mentally prepared!
Prayer is definitely a way of cultivating faith. When we pray intently to our Heavenly Father, about our problems, hopes, desires, gratitude, etc., we become closer to Him. Our trust in Him is increased, and as a result, our faith is increased. You have to have trust in God, to have your faith increase, trusting that He knows best, and that all we experience is for our good.
I could have partially wondered that at the beginning of last year, but because of experiences that I had, and continue to have, I feel stronger. Yes things are still hard at times, there is still adversity, but there is also a greater desire to continue on and continue to grow.
There are many other ways to cultivate faith. I really feel like I've just scratched the surface. As I continue to search and ponder, I may have to write another post on more ways to cultivate faith.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
A Quote Within A Quote
So, it's kind of fun working at the library because I see all kinds of books come through, and when one catches my eye I check it out for myself to read it. Of course, I still find other books too, when I'm not working.
One such book "Bringing Elizabeth Home" which is about when Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped, written from the perspective of her parents, was one that I had always intended to read, and then just didn't for whatever reason. Since it was available, I checked it out, and then put myself on the hold list for the one written by Elizabeth Smart that came out this past year.
Anyway, as I was reading it, they quoted a part of a book written by Spencer W Kimball called, "Faith Precedes the Miracle," (which I also want to read!)
"Some reservoirs are to store water. Some are to store food. There should also be reservoirs of knowledge to meet future needs; reservoirs of courage to overcome the floods of fear that put uncertainty in lives; reservoirs of stamina; and reservoirs of faith--especially reservoirs of faith--so that when the world presses upon us, we stand firm and strong; when the temptations of a decaying world about us draw upon our energies, sap our spiritual vitality, and seek to pull us down, we need a storage of faith that can carry us over the dull, difficult, terrifying moments, disappointments, disillusionments and adversity, want, confusion, and frustration."
When I read that quote, it made me pause for a moment and think about my own reservoir of faith... how full is it? What do I need to do to fill it up further?
It is something that I am still thinking about as I contemplate ways I can improve. Then as my mind traveled over songs that I knew, the one that came to mind was this one: The Light Divine
http://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/the-light-divine?lang=eng#
If you click on the audio tab you can hear it with the words. Otherwise it just plays the music without words.
I also thought about this video clip:
"Cast out doubt, cultivate faith."
Good words to live by. :)
One such book "Bringing Elizabeth Home" which is about when Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped, written from the perspective of her parents, was one that I had always intended to read, and then just didn't for whatever reason. Since it was available, I checked it out, and then put myself on the hold list for the one written by Elizabeth Smart that came out this past year.
Anyway, as I was reading it, they quoted a part of a book written by Spencer W Kimball called, "Faith Precedes the Miracle," (which I also want to read!)
"Some reservoirs are to store water. Some are to store food. There should also be reservoirs of knowledge to meet future needs; reservoirs of courage to overcome the floods of fear that put uncertainty in lives; reservoirs of stamina; and reservoirs of faith--especially reservoirs of faith--so that when the world presses upon us, we stand firm and strong; when the temptations of a decaying world about us draw upon our energies, sap our spiritual vitality, and seek to pull us down, we need a storage of faith that can carry us over the dull, difficult, terrifying moments, disappointments, disillusionments and adversity, want, confusion, and frustration."
When I read that quote, it made me pause for a moment and think about my own reservoir of faith... how full is it? What do I need to do to fill it up further?
It is something that I am still thinking about as I contemplate ways I can improve. Then as my mind traveled over songs that I knew, the one that came to mind was this one: The Light Divine
http://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/the-light-divine?lang=eng#
If you click on the audio tab you can hear it with the words. Otherwise it just plays the music without words.
I also thought about this video clip:
"Cast out doubt, cultivate faith."
Good words to live by. :)
Monday, February 10, 2014
Rejoice
I have always been one that seems to feel the Spirit most strongly when listening to music. When I was younger, it was hymns that helped me gain a testimony of Jesus Christ. It was religious music that told me and helped me gain an understanding that I am a daughter of God, and that I am loved.
So, it is no surprise to me, that hymns seem to help me still in times when I feel sorrow, in times when I long for peace, and in times when I pause to reflect on things in my life.
This hymn, however, is one that I always think of as bringing pure light and sunshine to my soul. Rejoice! What a positive word that is. Rejoice the Lord is King!
It make my heart light and brings a smile to my face. Then, to listen to it with music...pure bliss.
In Psalms 32:11 we read: Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, ye righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart.
The words to the hymn were written by Charles Wesley, who was an English leader of the Methodist movement.
I love the words:
1. Rejoice, the Lord is King!
Your Lord and King adore!
Mortals, give thanks and sing
And triumph evermore.
Your Lord and King adore!
Mortals, give thanks and sing
And triumph evermore.
[Chorus]
Lift up your heart! Lift up your voice!
Rejoice, again I say, rejoice!
Lift up your heart! Lift up your voice!
Rejoice, again I say, rejoice!
Lift up your heart! Lift up your voice!
Rejoice, again I say, rejoice!
Lift up your heart! Lift up your voice!
Rejoice, again I say, rejoice!
2. The Lord, the Savior, reigns,
The God of truth and love.
When he had purged our stains,
He took his seat above.
The God of truth and love.
When he had purged our stains,
He took his seat above.
3. His kingdom cannot fail;
He rules o'er earth and heav'n.
The keys of death and hell
To Christ the Lord are giv'n.
He rules o'er earth and heav'n.
The keys of death and hell
To Christ the Lord are giv'n.
To me, this is such a positive and inspirational hymn of hope and light. "His kingdom cannot fail:" In some ways the words are so simple, but they bring such cheerfulness to my heart. They remind me why I have a testimony of Jesus Christ, why I believe he is the Savior for us all, and why we have hope that we can return to be with our Heavenly Father again.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Strait is the way, and narrow the gate...
I had an amazing Sabbath today, and was definitely spiritually filled and uplifted.
It started with a talk given by a member of our congregation. He based his talk on one given by Elaine Jack. http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=721
It was titled "Never Take No Cutoffs." She goes on to reference the story of the ill-fated Donner Party and likening it to our own path to exaltation, and how we can go off in unbelief when we choose to follow a different path.
It started with a talk given by a member of our congregation. He based his talk on one given by Elaine Jack. http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=721
It was titled "Never Take No Cutoffs." She goes on to reference the story of the ill-fated Donner Party and likening it to our own path to exaltation, and how we can go off in unbelief when we choose to follow a different path.
"For the Donner party there was a proven trail. It was longer, but it was sure. Gambling on their own abilities and personal ambitions, they took a road that had never been tested. The result is history.
The Lord says, “Enter ye in at the strait gate: . . . Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it” (Matthew 7:13–14).
As you follow the path of the Savior, keeping your covenants and his commandments, you will be assaulted from all sides with offers to take other roads, other travel packages. Anything the adversary can do to pull you off course, he will do. He’ll stop at nothing to catch your attention, and then, ever so slyly, he will lead you away from the work of the Lord."
When we cease to follow the path of the Savior, it becomes easier to justify that which is wrong. It is easier to do the things we know we shouldn't. It is easier to look at past commitments and covenants, and see them as faulty. And then, when we have gone far down that path of darkness, it is easier to mock and condemn that which we once held as truth and light, until it becomes impossible to see the goodness for what it truly is.
God's way is the only way. It brings to mind a quote that I really like : " Elder Neal A. Maxwell likes to quote William Law, an English clergyman of the 18th century, who said it this way: “If you have not chosen the Kingdom of God, it will make in the end no difference what you have chosen instead.”
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