Some Things I've Learned

I think I wrote about this last year, but then things happen, and it just reaffirms what I already thought...in fact, intensifies what I already thought.

Last year I wrote about how we didn't make a big deal about Santa at our house. Our kids still get gifts from Santa, and if they want they can visit with Santa at the company Christmas party, but really, no big deal.

So...

Here are some things that I've noticed this year...

I don't like "Elf on the Shelf." Seriously. A creepy fake elf doll that "watches your kids" and reports back to Santa? To me it's just one more way to lie to your kids, or blackmail your kids into doing what they should be doing anyway, and they're being a stubborn kid and not doing it.

I have NEVER told my kids they better behave or they won't get any presents from Santa. I HAVE once or twice told my kids that their presents would start to get taken away if they didn't stop arguing/bickering. Santa, however, was not involved.

So, as a parent, and I'm definitely not perfect by any mean, here are some things I've learned... a huge one, which seems to be repeated a lot... CONSISTENCY. If you are going to tell your child there will be a consequence for their behavior, you HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH. So, as a parent, you have to be very careful to give consequences that you want to follow through on.

For example... if you are at a family party and your kid is acting crazy and you get frustrated and tell them that if they don't behave you are going to leave....you better be ready to follow through on that. If you want to leave anyway, then it's no big deal for you, but if you DON'T want to leave, then you start giving your child chances to change their behavior, which is just a downhill slide.

My kids have their moments, and I definitely have mine, but I'm glad I don't have to rely on the, "if you don't do A, then Santa won't bring you presents, or, if you don't do A then Elf will find out and let Santa know." I guess for some people this is good because the fear of not getting presents usually makes their kid behave. It backfires a lot, from what I've seen, and then where are you? Are you really not going to give your kid their gifts? Are you really not going to let them go to the party?

There have been times when my kids have been misbehaving, where I really will say, "Hey, I'm tired, I'd rather stay home. If you don't want to miss the party, then change A, or you can stay here with me and you'll get to do chores instead while everyone else goes and has fun." They know I mean business and it will happen, so yes, the behavior changes.

Probably the best thing a therapist told us was to outline what was expected and then act on it. This was for timeouts. We had used timeouts previously, but it had never really worked, and then when we were taking Harrison to a therapist, we found out why. Once we changed how we did it, it worked. Boy did it work! We rarely have to put them in timeout at all. (Keep in mind, when we learned this Harrison was 10.)

Occasionally I will have to put Hazel in timeout, but really. The key ingredient.... no chances. If, however, you haven't outlined what is expected, we give them one chance to change. ONE. Not three, not five, ONE. And they know it. She told us the reason timeouts don't work is because kids know how many chances they have so they will push the limit. IT IS SO TRUE. That is why outlining what is expected, works even better, because they get no chances. They know that if they do A then B will happen.

Still, in my mind, the whole Santa, and now Elf on the Shelf thing, just makes the whole situation that much worse. It makes me that much more grateful that I don't make Santa that huge of a deal in my kids' lives. My kids are happy, they love Christmas, and it is still a magical time of gift giving, service, love, celebrating the birth of our Savior, and spending time with family. To me, that is more of what Christmas should be about anyway. :)