On My Mind

It's been tricky to know what to write about. I've had a lot on my mind, but it's hard to separate it all out. I guess a lot of it would be just dealing with everyday things, and then the extra added emotional things, and then the things that I have scheduled close in the future that are starting to take a front seat to what I think about.

First there's the everyday things: this mainly consists of getting up, getting the kids up, making sure they are ready for school, taking the kids to school, coming home, taking care of the little kids, cleaning if I'm not totally exhausted...hahahaha, putting Emmett down for a nap, taking care of Jeffrey, picking up the kids from school, finding out how their day went, coming home, making sure they practice their instruments, making sure their homework gets done, make dinner, try not to go crazy, read scriptures as a family (need to work on this one again) say prayers...wait, is it bath night? Make sure the kids have a bath/shower, brush their teeth, wash their face, THEN say prayer, and bed. Rinse and repeat. Then Shane and I typically have about an hour to chat and just relax.

Emotional things would involve changes that have taken place in my life. Friendships that have suddenly changed. That is always a hard one for me, to have a friendship that goes from one level, to a completely and totally different level. It always takes me a little while to adjust to that. Things that used to be nice and comfortable aren't anymore and you have to find a new level of norm. I hope no one reads into that too much. The person(s) it involves know who they are and they don't read my blog much, if at all. (See, that weeded out like all of you...) :) Anyway, it is definitely something that takes up space in my emotional world.

Another emotional thing is of my own making. I decided (with the input and approval of Shane of course) that there was a surgery that is necessary for me to have. It's a big surgery. A life change surgery, and it's starting to kind of freak me out. I keep thinking, "Am I really ready for that? Do I really need to have it done now?" I saw the doctor about it in the beginning of July. I purposely scheduled it months away just to make sure that I felt good about having it done (obviously it needs to be done or my doctor wouldn't have agreed to do it, but still...) Now I'm kind of wishing that I had just had it done as soon as possible. Then I wouldn't be second-guessing myself and wondering if I am really making a good decision or not.

So, I plug on, and keep praying, and keep trying to be a good person, and loving, and kind, and just hoping that I can be the kind of person to others that I want people to be to me. I don't feel like I succeed at that much. There are many times where I wish I had handled a situation differently, but there have been good things that have happened too. So, I try to remember that, and just keep going.