I guess I've been reminiscing a little bit lately. Well, I guess people in my life are going through these big life events and it reminds me of my own and what I would change if I could go back in time and do it again. Of course, I know I can't do that, and since imparting my "wisdom" on others is something that most don't really want to know unless they ask for it...I'm sharing it on here. :)
1. I wouldn't have been afraid. I thought I knew everything I needed to know. I'd taken classes in college, I took a class with Shane on childbirth, I had read books, I thought I was pretty covered...only afterward, after I had Hazel really, did I realize how much I let fear rule my thoughts and dictate my actions and choices.
2. I would have talked to more people about their experiences and what giving birth was like. Not horror stories, but really truly what it was like. I had no clue. Videos do not give you a clue, they give you a hint, and most of the time they just scared the nachos out of me. The whole "Baby Story" series on TLC just gives you a hint, aside from which, when I was pregnant with Harrison, that show didn't even exist yet.
3. I would have been more patient. I wonder sometimes if things would have been different with my delivery experience if I had been. Especially with my other kids.
4. I would have had more support there with me. I don't know if it's society or what that had me thinking that it just had to be me, Shane, the doctor, the nurse, and THAT'S IT there with me. Who decided that?! The more I learn, they more I realize that if you want support from anyone in your time of need, it's from people you know who care about you. People you trust who are willing to be your advocate and help you stand up for your decisions. People who aren't afraid to remind the medical people when they get distracted or forget. Someone who is just there for you. (Yes, my husband was all that, but let's face it, he was scared too!)
When my s-i-l had to have a c-section (a scary emergency one that you don't ever want to have), I went and stayed with her at the hospital for a day. The main reason I did this was because they had to transport the baby to a NICU and she was alone at the hospital. I vividly remembered what it was like to be alone at a hospital after a baby is born, and it's not fun. It's extremely lonely and you just want someone there who cares about you and your well-being.
I remember when her mom came, she told me she personally didn't like having visitors when she didn't feel well, and I gently told her that I wasn't there to visit. I was there to make sure that what my s-i-l needed and wanted, happened. I was there to make sure that her desires and choices were remembered (like how she wanted her baby fed) and I was her cheerleader. I was also there to help remember concerns/questions she had and voice them to the doctor, and to answer the phone and tell people how she was doing so she could rest.
I guess that's why some people hire doulas. That's pretty much their whole job when someone is in labor...to be the ultimate support system and remind you what your goals and desires are and encourage you and cheer you on. I never had one, but I can see how that would be a beneficial thing.
Looking back, I can see how I was fairly young (21) and with past things that I had experienced, I can see how it tainted my judgement. That being said, I am also pretty realistic about the things that happened, and I know that even now, things could have, and there's a really high chance they would have, ended up the same. At least with Harrison's delivery.
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