Today

So, other than feeling like an emotional pile of goo, today hasn't been too bad. :) The medicine makes me sleepy, which isn't a terrible thing because it helps the day go by. That is kind of sad to write I think, but true.

I have been kind of trying to keep busy by finishing the quilt I started for Emmett. It's basically almost done, I am just working on the edges, which has gotten a lot more interesting since I am doing it by hand, since I can't sit at my sewing machine right now. Still, it is calming in a way, and gives me something to do.

I keep telling my body to relax, and to not have contractions. I don't know that it would be working very well if I didn't have the medicine in me, but it is working ok. I have to keep reminding myself of the emotional turmoil and heartache we went through when Hazel was born.

I will never forget the sounds and experience of her birth. I remember the gurgled cry that came out of her throat because her lungs were full of fluid and not fully developed yet. I remember the rush of people around the OR and knowing that everything was NOT all right, especially when they started saying the phrases to me that they tell people when they need the patient to calm down, and I was the patient!

I remember them taking her out of the room and hearing her desperate screams in the nursery because she couldn't breathe right. (Yes, I could hear her, and I knew it was her.)

Most of all, I remember wondering why I had been so impatient for her to be born, and wishing that I could rewind the clock.

I remember them wheeling her into my room as they prepared to transfer her to another hospital with a more advanced NICU and seeing her hooked up to a ventilator, sedated, and ready to be transported.

I remember all these things, and it helps motivate me to not desire or even remotely want to have Emmett delivered any time soon, unless Emmett needs it.

So bed rest it is! Body, cooperate! :)