Paranoid, or right...

So, my 15 year high school reunion is coming up this summer. First off, I can't hardly believe I am that old. Although, the fact that I have a son who is going to be 12 kind of tips that off for me. Then there is the whole, should I go or not.

There are a few reasons I would like to go. I mean, I know that a few of my friends will be there that I haven't seen for years, but... I don't know. I am a little gun shy after my 5 year reunion experience, and then my husband's 10 year reunion experience...

That, and I don't think I do very well in large groups. I hate feeling like a number, like, no one there could really care more or less whether I showed up or not. I really hate that feeling. I cannot even begin to describe how much I hate that feeling. The feeling of being alone in a crowded room...

I feel the same way when I am at the store and recognize someone and know distinctly that, a. they know who I am but have no desire to talk to me, or b. have no idea who I am even though I look basically the same. Of course, there is always option c. which is where I usually fall...I would like to say "hi" but the fear of them not knowing or caring prevents me from doing anything.

There is also the factor that I pretty much have the memory of an elephant as it were (at least from that time in my life), and I tend to remember almost everyone that I went to school with...even if I never had class with them.

I mean, I know of a classmate who had to basically get their leg amputated because of bone cancer, and I GUARANTEE they have no idea who I am, even though I felt really bad for them when I found out.

I also felt sad when I saw the obituaries of some of my classmates/friends when they occurred. *sigh* Then of course there is the cost. Is it worth it to pay $30 per person to feel awkward for 5 hours?

Well, I've got a few months to think about it I suppose...