A New Day

The past week has been pretty interesting for me. It has really made me think about things, about how I behave and things that happened to me in the past.

Shane has a co-worker whose wife was pregnant. Yeah, I said "was." She miscarried on Sunday. She was 18 weeks along. I told Shane that made me sad. I was thinking about it, and I told him, that means she felt the baby move. She could feel him alive inside her. Having felt a baby move inside me before, then I thought about the other spectrum...how people abort their children.

Some, waiting until they are almost full-term, and in my mind, I just sit there and am baffled by how they could do it. Here I sit, still grieving for a child lost over a year ago that was barely large enough to even have the shape of hands and feet, whose heart beat once if at all, and someone else can kill a child that has been growing in them for 8 months. I just want to scream, "I'll take it! Give it to me!"

So, yes, I am sad, and I am still grieving. I look at how I wish people had talked to me after it happened, and then I look at how I treat people when something tragic happens to them. Do I run away? Do I avoid their eyes? Do I avoid the topic? The answer...yes. So, how can I expect others to treat me in such a way, when as much as I want to, I can't give them the same courtesey? I know the reason I do it. I feel like I don't know them well enough to pry. Do they trust me enough to talk about it? And, sometimes, it really does in a way make me grateful that I CAN in some ways relate...because you see...I've lost children too, and while the pain lessens, in some ways, it never really goes away.