Burdens and Blessings

I've been thinking about hard times a lot. Probably because right now I am right in the thick of hard times.

I wonder sometimes if people know or can tell just by looking at me. I think if they "know" me really well, they could probably tell that something is off.

This year has been the year of hard things. I remember one time reading a list that rated your level of grief/stress by the big events that happened... Things like, a close loved one dying, losing a job, big illness, etc... Things like that. Well, based on that I've experienced about six big things this year.

Yes, it's been hard.

Yesterday I had someone tell me, if we looked at others and knew what their trials were we'd be glad we had the trials we were having and not theirs.

I've thought about that. Then, this morning, it occurred to me that each of the things I've always thought that about, have happened to me this year. Things that I would go, man, that would be SO HARD. I'm so glad I'm not experiencing that. Yet here I am, experiencing it.

I think as a whole I am doing ok though. Am I depressed? Yep. Do I have emotional days? Yep. I've thought about going on an antidepressant, but I am still functional. The emotions I am feeling, I know need to be felt and worked through, so that is what I'm trying to do.

In all of it though, there have been blessings as well. People that have been placed in my path to help give me support. Opportunities and things that are helpful and crucial to my family members.

Knowledge and peace to walk through the fiery path that I am walking right now.

I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I keep praying, and journaling, and I have hope. While I wish that some of these things would just magically be fixed pronto, I know that it will take time.