It's That Time...Again

What a vague title...it's that time again...for what?

Well, apparently I need to be more positive and optimistic about things. Sure, I could write an article everyday about what my pessimistic brain has become more focused on, but that's just depressing. No one wants to read depressing stuff all the time, I would lose all the people who read my blog. Plus it's depressing for me to reread things that I've written and have them be all dark and dreary. Because life isn't ALL dark and dreary. Even in the darkest of times there is some spot of sunshine.

So, every time I write on here, I will try to write at least one thing I am glad/grateful for, because really, I could write a LOT about all the things I have going great.

Like, the fact that I have a husband who puts up with me and my super crazy pregnancy mood swings. I have three great kids and another on the way...which still shocks me most days, to be honest...
My husband has a decent job that pays the bills, we have goals, we have all the material things we NEED, and some we don't. I don't have to work outside the home, I get to volunteer at the library, which is actually kind of soothing in the monotonous tasks I usually do...

Maybe it's the weather, or the fact that this summer feels like it will NEVER EVER end. I find myself anticipating fall and all it's delicious smells and tastes and memories. I think fall is a tie for spring for me. It's such a cozy season.

I find myself feeling jealous of people who have no control over why I feel jealous of them. Really. And yet, I look at what I have, and they don't, and really, WHY am I jealous? Life isn't fair and it will never be equal, no matter how we may want it to be. We each have our trials, and my trials are definitely different than what another's are. I'm sure some people think I am a wimp or cave easily, but then, some of their trials I do the same thing...sometimes...most of the time I look at what people are going through and I am amazed at how well they handle it, because I don't know if I could do as well in the same circumstances.

Sometimes the thought of how life is going to change in just months is just a little overwhelming...I begin wondering why we didn't buy a suburban or yukon xl back when we were vehicle shopping, I look at my tiny house and wonder how we are going to all fit when it feels super tight already and look at houses for sale, only to realize there isn't really anything I want to buy in our price range, and then I really don't want to move because we are so close to the new temple and I like the location of where we live.

I don't want you to get the impression that I don't want this baby, or this pregnancy, because that isn't the case. It's all the unknowns that I don't have an answer for. It's all the little details that I just wonder about.

Then I take a deep breath and remind myself that things will work out the way they are supposed to. They always do. I just have to be patient and wait for the solution to show itself.