Off kilter

 This is a REALLY long post...just warning you...

Well, I really feel like my world has been shifted off it's axis.
I knew having a baby would be an adjustment after seven years, and I was prepared for that. :) Being exhausted at night and constant caring for a baby, I knew would be draining but so worth it, and it definitely has been. Jeffrey is so cute and adorable and just great baby all around.
I finally felt like I was getting a routine and back to normal. I didn't have any pain from the c-section anymore even though I knew I was still healing. I was starting to be able to take care of my house to an extent... :) Things were looking good, and Jeffrey was even starting to sleep just a tad longer at night.
Breastfeeding was going really well, and it was something that I was getting used to, and even a routine to that.

WELL...two weeks ago I had an episode where I felt excruciating pain. I am beginning to discover all different types of pain, and wow, this one is definitely a doozy. I almost made Shane take me to the ER then, but I was so tired of being told nothing was wrong, that we waited. I had a blessing, I felt a little better, got my back adjusted, and the pain went away.

Then, Friday, I began to feel a mild similar pain. Almost like a precursor to the pain I had felt before. So, we went in to see the doctor. The pain always presented way up high on my left back right where my rib cage is. Because of the location, and because it came suddenly and stopped suddenly, he kind of thought it was a muscle spasm...but I could tell it was really just to rule things out. The one thing that made him think it might not be that was I also had nausea and vomiting with it too. (I know, tmi, but just in case someone has a similar thing, I thought you should know.)

Almost an hour after the doctor, I felt the same horrible pain. The medicine I had just gotten wasn't helping at all. I almost made Shane take me in to the ER again, but decided to just wait it out.  It was always so weird because it always originated in my back spine would wrap around the left rib cage and then hurt to breathe in.

The pain lasted almost eight hours that time, which was a definite sign to me that it wasn't just a muscle spasm because those are only supposed to be short lived. Well, Saturday morning, the pain was mostly gone, and while I didn't feel 100 % I felt mildly good enough to go to an open house at Shane's work. Honestly, looking back, I don't know how I did it.

Almost immediately after we got home, I felt terrible. I though my back must be out something horrible, and my awesome chiropractor came in from home to adjust my back at his office on a Saturday afternoon. My ribs were out of alignment, and he did adjust them and my neck, but the pain was only somewhat decreased.

By Sunday morning about 3 am I had finally reached a point where I couldn't take it anymore and we went in to the ER.

You have to remember the pain was always originated on the upper left. THIS IS WEIRD AND NOT TYPICAL. The ER doc started asking me questions, and then palpating all the different organs. When he got to my galbladder, I knew that was what was wrong. It was SO TENDER, and located in the exact opposite location. Your gallbladder is located under your liver, and usually when people have pain with it, they will feel it where it is...under your right rib cage area.

They did an ultrasound, and my gallbladder was full of stones and the wall was thickened. I had surgery a few hours later. There they found out that not only did I have stones, I had stones in the bile duct. (when you are a surgical tech, you always know this is bad, I was NOT happy when I found this out) it is definitely a complicaton to the condition. It was made even more interesting by the finding that the bile in my gallbladder was WHITE. This is also bizarre and not typical. Bile is usually a pale greenish color and in majority of sick gallbladders the bile has turned a sludgy blackish green.

So, after surgery I was transferred to a larger hospital where they could remove the stones from my bile duct with a scope. They removed them that evening.

I was in the hospital from Sunday to today, when they released me this afternoon. I guess I was just in an emotional cocoon. My mom and dad and inlaws had all been taking care of my kids. It was almost like leaving the hospital I was bashed in the head with the reality brick. My stomach hurts higher so it is painful once again to hold my baby. I can't nurse because my milk will kill my baby if I give it to him so I have to pump and dump it. So every time I hold my baby all he wants to do is be bonded with me and nurse and  I can't do it. I think I cried for almost two hours since I got home.

My parents have been amazing and such a great help. My mom has been completely caring for Jeffrey since it happened. My mother in law is coming and spending the day the one day they had something they had to do, so that Jeffrey will be taken care of. She is amazing and awesome too. My emotions are so raw and on the surface. This is so hard. I know things will work out, and one day I will look back on this and it will be one of those experiences where you will see the hands of angels lifting you up and helping you and knowing that is the only way you made it through. I can already see it. I know it will work out. I know it will.

And this too shall pass...