wondering

Being a parent is hard. Sometimes I wonder if I do a very good job at it at all. My husband is quite convinced that I do, but sometimes I wonder. I wonder if I would be able to handle it if I had more than two kids. Even two kids is difficult!

I'm not supermom. I don't do all the wonderful amazing things my friends do with their kids. I think about it, and then it just doesn't happen.

I have to remind myself that every family is different. In our family we tend to focus on reading, drawing, legos, building, things like that. We aren't particularly artsy/crafty, activity, people. Even though I like those things a lot.

All kids have quirks that you have to work to parent through. Some of their quirks seem more difficult for me than other quirks. I guess in my naive mind I always thought it would be kind of hard dealing with small kids, and then when they turned into teenagers it would be especially difficult...but I never thought I would be agonizing over how to teach my 9 year old how to not give in to impulsive ideas...just because. He has a tendency to do that a lot. To go against anything that I tell him, just because. There's not a definite reason. It's just because.

We had a talk about that today. I made him feel bad. I didn't even yell at him, which for me is big. I've been trying really hard to work on that. I was given the suggestion to start doing role playing with him, to help him start thinking things through. It's a good idea and one that I think I will start implementing.

Today he was playing outside with his sister. I was inside. I went to check on them. They weren't in the yard. They weren't on the sidewalk, they weren't within viewing distance. I started calling for them. NOTHING. I was a little nervous as I wondered what to do. Then I glanced down the street...there they were. TALKING to construction workers who were doing some sidewalk work on our street.

This is me...NOT HAPPY AT ALL! Still, I remained calm. Then Harrison and I discussed all the things that could have happened. Why I was not happy with the choice that he made. Why I tell him certain things and give him certain rules.

Sometimes I wonder if he will ever listen to me! Maybe when he is married and has kids of his own...;)