It's interesting the things I notice after something has happened. We had the opportunity to help out my brother and s-i-l yesterday. They went to their doctor appointment and found out that the doctor wanted to have them come back to the hospital a few hours later to start the labor process. This is their first baby, so of course that kind of put them into shock mode. I don't think they were expecting it for a week or so.
Anyway, we happened to be in their city running errands, and had already called them to see if they would be home so we could drop off the baby shower gift that we had for them. So, when they had their appointment and were home getting ready to go back to the hospital, my brother called us to see if Shane could help him give my s-i-l a blessing.
All of this just brought back memories of the deliveries of my children and made me think of the choices that I wish I had made, and what I wish people had told me. Both my kids were born via c-section. I sometimes wonder if they were born that way because of my inability to have faith and trust in the whole labor and delivery process. Or rather, FEAR. Granted, neither of my pregnancies were what you would call "normal" but still. When I look back on it now, I wish that I had not let fear rule my thinking. In a lot of ways I think it did.
I can't even begin to describe how scared I was to deliver a baby. A c-section seemed like the perfect solution. My first doctor was very c-section prone. He only had me do a "trial of labor" for seven hours before asking me if I wanted a c-section. At the time I was so tired of being in and out of the hospital, that I just wanted the baby delivered! It didn't help that I had my doctor telling me that my pelvis was too small and there was NO WAY I would deliver that baby normally. Now I know better. Now I know that first deliveries, as a whole, take a LONG time. I also know that my son wasn't in distress, so it would have been perfectly fine to wait longer to see if I progressed.
I often wonder if I had had my second doctor deliver my son, if the outcome would have been different. Of course I can never know that answer. My second doctor wanted me to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesearan). I was SCARED again. I thought for sure that it would be c-sections only for the rest of my life, and here my doctor was wanting me to try a VBAC! About three weeks before my daughter's due date I woke up one morning and felt like something was wrong. So we went to the hospital. I told the nurse "I don't know why I'm here I just feel like something is wrong..." So, when my doctor came in he asked me, "Do you feel like there is 'impending doom?' " I thought the phrasing odd, but I told him I felt something was wrong.
So, my daughter was delivered that day. (Apparently there is an actual phrase "impending doom" that if a mom comes in and says "I feel like there is something wrong or impending doom" the doctor will deliver the baby because the mom is usually right...") Again, I wonder, if I hadn't been so scared of childbirth, would she have delivered fine? I can't know the answer.
Now I don't have that fear. I have a bit of regret that if I were to get pregnant, I most likely wouldn't even have a choice. I would have to have a c-section. I also regret not involving my extended family more. What a treasure trove of support that I didn't take advantage of!
"Of all sad words of tongue or pen the saddest are these: 'It might have been.' "
-John Greenleaf Whittier
2 comments:
I have had 3 c-sections, and also regret that I can never have the experience of a vaginal birth. Ammon's head was so big, he never dropped, he was overdue, so they started me, then his vitals dropped, and I had a C-Section. Next came the high-risk pregnancy with the twins, and I had to deliver them C-Section 2 months early because Micah's heart was overworking and he was slowly dying due to their umbilical cords tied in two knots. Then I didn't even have a choice on my last child, because once you've had 2 C-Sections, they don't give you the option for vaginal delivery due to the high chance of internal bleeding. I asked if I could try to have him vaginally, but they wouldn't let me. I know how you feel. I used to be afraid of vaginal deliveries. Now I feel like I've missed out on one of life's most natural and amazing experiences.
I had similar situations for my boys and I'm sad that I'll not get a chance at the "normal" way of delivery. I was induced with both for various reasons that at times I get bitter about the first one. Ryan was bottom breech but that was unknown until my water was broken by "Tawanda" and it was too late to turn him. I'd been in the hospital all the night before and in labor for half the day with softening drugs and the induction. I was so out of it from and my mind was out of control during the labor. Forget breathing! With Christopher we tried a VBAC. They required a 39th week induction in Vegas for all VBACs. (this is after I had to seriously search for a dr. willing to VBAC at all.) I had a balloon catheter placed the morning before the induction to soften up, which was nice since I could stock up the freezer and do last minute prep work at home before heading to the hospital. My cervix was still not soft the next day but we induced anyway. My mind was in control this time though so I was very proud of myself by the time I okayed the epidural. My uterus hyperspasmed and my contractions were all over the place. I was on oxygen for a while. Apparently I was contracting as at delivery time but couldn't tell with the epidural -found this out when a nurse came in to make sure I wasn't delivering- and then his head/shoulder got stuck on my pelvis and I started hemoraging.(sp) The worst was the delivery nurse Bunny (that's her real name) "Some women just weren't meant to have children the normal way. Don't cry -I was crying- you can still be a good mom." I was actually crying because I'd built myself up to a short hospital stay and no real tummy pain for the following 6+ weeks. Boy was I feeling bad. BUT! :-) I've got 2 healthy kids and hopefully some day I'll have a little girl and it'll be a different experience with no labor and just the operation. I guess I have the no labor part to be positive about. :-) sorry long... thanks for sharing your stories. I appreciate them.
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