An Explanation

So, this past week has been difficult for me emotionally. It started last Sunday after I wrote the post that I felt so good about, and pretty much ended that evening when I received a message where I was laid into and ripped to shreds for something I didn't really think was very nice.

I was accused of being judgmental, I was accused of being close-minded and mean and rude, and pretty much insert every other assortment of hurtful qualities...yeah. My feelers were hurt pretty bad.

It hurt me, because I guess I wasn't clear enough in my thought process. They accused me of thinking people were evil, or bad. And yes, while there are evil and bad people out there, I generally try to look at the good in people. I know, that's a major contradiction, but this has been bugging me enough, and making me feel bad enough, that I feel like I need to explain my thoughts, because I really try not to be mean.

First, let's talk about judging. Lot's of people like to say, don't judge people, don't judge, don't judge, don't judge. Well, I am sorry to say it, but you are in denial if you think you don't judge people or things or situations. Opinions? Those are judging. You form a decision based on a judgement. It's reality. We all do it. We ALL DO IT. It is impossible not to.

Now, hear me out. We all judge, but HOW do we judge? Some people really are mean and cruel in their judging. It's true. They see a person, they form a judgement, and nothing will get them to change their mind. I personally think there are other ways to judge.

I was thinking about this a lot. For the most part, when I form an opinion about something or someone, I'm not really forming an opinion about them personally, I'm forming an opinion about their action. So, say someone steals a car. I don't think, well, that person is EVIL, I think, why did they still a car? That wasn't a good thing to do. Now they are going to have to deal with the consequences of that choice. They might have to go to jail. I think that is totally different, then learning about a situation and just thinking that they are bad because of the choices they are making. I just, I can't even do that.

When people make choices that believe things that are similar to me, and those choices lead them to stop thinking the things that were similar, or stop them from doing things, like going to church, then I think, okay, what choices did they make that led up to that, because I don't want to stop going to church. I'm not thinking, well, those guys are EVIL because they're not going to church anymore, or that they're bad, or insert whatever word you want, I'm purely thinking in my mind, okay, how can I change what I'm currently doing in my OWN life to prevent me from having the same outcome? Because, I don't want that outcome.

So, I start working on those things. Then when I have experiences that help me, I apply them.

It really hurt me that they would think that I would be so judgemental as to to think that people are bad or evil because they stop believing what I do. I have LOTS OF FRIENDS and family members who don't believe or agree with a lot of things that I do. How in the world would that be possible if I thought they were all evil and bad? Just because we have a difference of opinion, or because they are doing things I might not agree with, does not dictate in my mind whether they are a good person or not. I look at the big picture. I am friends with them because they are good people, who care, and because they care, I care about them too.