So, sometimes when I get to thinking too much about things...which does tend to happen off and on, I wonder, really, how I REALLY feel about things. I try to convince myself that I feel a certain way, and then something will happen, and *poof* gone. So, was I telling the truth, or did I know that DEEP down I was just trying to convince myself of what I wanted to be true?
Take, for example, the whole infertility thing that I have dealt with. I want to be happy for others. I tell myself I am happy for others. Crimeny, I tell other people that I am happy for others, and that I am blessed because I have two kids, isn't that great, everything is wonderful, I should be grateful, etc... Then, something will happen, and I will realize just how UNHAPPY I am about the whole situation.
Will it ever go away? Will thinking positive and praying make this longing temper down? It's very frustrating! I am HAPPY! I am grateful that I have two kids! I am grateful for so many things I couldn't even write them all down there are so many. So, why isn't that enough?
2 comments:
You just have so much love to give and I am sure that you long for another child to share that love with. I really do hopes you can find the peace you are looking for.
I knew that I was only going to have two kids. Deep in my heart I know there are no more waiting for me. People are shocked to hear I am done already. But you just know sometimes. You on the other hand have more to come-God just hasn't "sent" them yet. We had five girls in my family before Carson came, and you know what? Sitting at the dinner table every night we all would feel that someone was missing even though there was no more room. It's that way sometimes. If you are no longer able to get pregnant, maybe God is prodding you to a different means of having children, adoption, foster, etc. He has left your heart and mind open for more children for a reason. When you trust in the Lord he will bring you peace and answers.
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